Henry.

I don’t want to write this.

I don’t want a lot of things but I especially don’t want to write this. I suppose when you need the right words, you turn to a writer.

That’s me. A writer.

My name is Julie. My parents are Tom and Abbie. I have three younger siblings – Jessica, Jon, and Jenna.

Jenna.

I met Jenna when I was in Kindergarten. I remember the day she was born. I remember waiting in the waiting room with my two siblings and my aunt Mary. A male nurse ran in to tell us my mom had her baby. I asked if I had a brother or a sister and he said he didn’t remember. A few hours later, my dad handed me my baby sister. I still wonder how a nurse forgets such a thing.

Jenna and I are six years apart. That’s a huge gap when you’re growing up together. Jenna started Kindergarten when I headed to middle school. Jenna was in middle school when I left the house for college. Jenna became a first time aunt to my daughter, Emma, when she was still in high school.

But then Jenna married Steven. Jenna gave birth to Evelyn four years ago. And then she gave birth to June two years ago. I was in the room during June’s birth. Jenna looked up at me with the baby crying on her chest and whispered, “Her name is June Elaine. June Bug. She’s a bug too.” Jenna and Steven named June after my nickname “bug” and Jessica’s middle name, Elaine.

The six-year gap between Jenna and me doesn’t exist anymore. Jenna, Jessica, and I became the same age when we became mothers. Aunthood and motherhood – it’s the same with my sisters and me. All three of us gave birth to Emma, Kate, Gabby, Evelyn, Savannah, June, William, and Jenna’s little boy – due in June 2017.

We never knew the name of the little boy Jenna carried.

On May 13th, 2017, a nurse knocked on the waiting room door. Our heads shot up. Our swollen, blood-shot eyes stared. The nurse seemed flustered.

“Jenna is still in the operating room. We’re doing everything we can. Steven and Henry are on the 2nd level. I will escort you to down there. We offer our deepest condolences.”

Henry.

His name was Henry. Henry Steven Flanery.

They say babies can hear outside of the womb. Henry Steven Flanery must have known us all. He knew his sister, Evelyn, and her voice of song. He knew his other sister, June, and her screams of laughter. He heard his dad, Steven, take aim and fire at a box that exploded blue powder, announcing his gender to the world of Facebook. He heard our families cheers of joy. Henry knew us and he knew our love for him. Above all, he knew his mother, Jenna, the most.

I held Henry. He was beautiful inside his mom’s womb. The ears he heard us with were his mom’s ears. I held the same ears 29 years ago, only they were my baby sister’s ears. Henry weighed 5 pounds, 1 ounce. He was 18 inches long. He looked like a sleeping newborn. I stroked his face and touched his light brown hair. He had a small dimple on his chin. I held Henry but I never met him.

Henry wasn’t in my arms. He was two flights up in the hospital with his mom. I met an angel on May 13, 2017.

After five hours of waiting, one of Jenna’s five surgeons knocked on the waiting room door. Jenna was stable but in critical condition.

During the early hours of May 13th, Jenna started to throw up. She started a giant contraction that wouldn’t let go. A doctor would know this means the placenta tore away. Usually there is bleeding with this but Jenna didn’t bleed. Her pain and condition worsened and she went to the hospital around 6 a.m. By the time Jenna was at the hospital, the doctors couldn’t find a heartbeat. Henry passed away due to placental abruption and lack of oxygen.

There are three risk factors women generally have when the placenta tears away from the uterus – the woman is on drugs, the woman has high blood pressure, or the woman suffered trauma. Jenna did not have any of these. The five surgeons could not tell us why her placenta tore away at 8 months. We will never know why.

Jenna delivered Henry with ease. She was able to hold Henry and see his face. Then she started to bleed. The blood wouldn’t stop. Doctors had to put Jenna under while they worked to save her life. The surgeon tried every trick she knew to stop the bleeding. Jenna wouldn’t stop. It was like water flowing out of a sink. Jenna lost 8 liters of blood. She lost as much blood in a non-pregnant body. Not only was Jenna losing blood from her uterus, she was also filling up with blood in her body cavity. In order to save Jenna’s life, surgeons removed her uterus. The surgeon took her uterus to a table and searched everywhere for a hole. Jenna had to have been leaking; the surgeon was determined to know where. The surgeon couldn’t find the hole. This is another answer the doctors could not give us. We don’t know why Jenna bled outside of the uterus. We will never know why.

The five surgeons told us they have never seen a hemorrhage this catastrophic in 25 years of practice.

Jenna lived.

Henry never cried that day. He wasn’t in my arms. He was saving his mom.

There’s nothing I can do for Jenna but be her sister and I will write this story for her even though I don’t want to write this.

_____________

 

Many people have asked what they can do to help. We set up a GoFundMe page for Jenna and Steven. If anything, we can relieve the financial stress with medical bills and funeral costs. If you would like to help my sister, please consider donating. 

The Flanery Family Go Fund Me

Thank you for your prayers and love as we mourn the loss of Henry and continue to support Jenna’s healing.

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A bug’s life.

I want you to meet someone.

This is June Elaine.

mejuneevs

They call her June Bug after, well, ahem – her aunt Julie Bug. Hey, maybe she’ll start Baby Bug Bytes one day. June shares her middle name, Elaine, with her other aunt, Jessica.

And there’s Evelyn. She’s a big sister at two years old.

While June stole the show on April 2nd, visitors still snuck a glance at Evelyn. She was easy to spot. Her blonde head of curls could be found hiding in the closet or inside the bathroom, laughing and pulling the emergency cord for a nurse.

Becoming a big sister brings its own attention. But Evelyn’s attention is a little different. Although unspoken, her milestones are magnified since her accident. Evelyn is always watched with a silent awe.

Our friends and families lives were stopped a year and half ago. We prayed for Evelyn to live after she suffered a head injury causing bleeding on the brain. (You can read about it here.) Her pediatric neurosurgeon called her the miracle baby. Her heart stopped on the surgery table. A nurse performed CPR while the surgeon kept trying to relieve the pressure off her brain. She survived.

Today, you would never know she has a scar stretching across the top of her head. A conversation with her shows no signs of brain injury. In fact, she will remember you said you would paint her nails blue on Easter. And she knows her manners. She remembers to tell her mom, “I tell Julie Bug thank you so much for blue nail polish.”

June Elaine will never know a life without Evelyn watching over her. June will always be the little sister, the second born. She’ll be the one stealing Evelyn’s clothes, shadowing Evelyn and her friends and she will have an edge in the curfew department with her parents. Oh, will she have an edge – 4 am curfew when I had to be home by 10 pm. Jesus.

June and Evelyn’s lives are forever connected.

And we get to watch them live it. Welcome to the world, sweet June Bug. You have our Evelyn looking out for you now.

Throwback Thursday.

Today marks Snow Day 3 for the week.

I do love a good snow day. I’m a HUGE fan of sleeping in. Sledding and shoveling leaves us exhausted. The stillness of winter is its own lullaby at the end of the day.

But the sweet memories of summer are always around if you take a quiet morning to look – ew, like 11 am morning not dawn.

...buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks...
…buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks…

Those Cardinals know I’m a Kansas City Royals fan. We take the high road and have a mutual respect for our teams.

So what was I talking about again?

Oh yes, Throwback Thursday. I’m taking you back to 2009. It was a warm spring night at Kauffman Stadium. Kate was only a few weeks old. Emma just turned 3.

Scott is in complete control of his two daughters.
Scott can handle two daughters and watch live baseball at the same time. He’s got this.
The sweet memories of summer are always there if you look.
Ah, the sisters of comedy are always around if you look hard enough.

Aunt Jules re-born: March 2013!

Guess what?!?!

Eeeeeeeeee!!! A gift for my niece, Gabby, and cousin no. 2!

I’m going to be an AUNT again!!

My baby sister, Jenna, and her new husband, Steven, are going to bless my other arm with a bundle of pink or blue in March! Aunt Jules is getting her hands full of babies!

I cannot wait to add to my collection of footprints!

Will those footsies be another niece? Or will it be a nephew? My parents have 3 granddaughters. Will the boy show up? Or will my sisters and our daughters forever share clothes, bobby pins, tampons, curling irons and makeup?  Whatever the sex, I am freaking PUMPED. This Aunthood is awesome. My sisters pop the babies out and I get to spoil them. No loss of sleep required.

I would like to give a shout-out to Jenna and Steven – thank you for not opting for the pet first (and tricking me into “fake aunt” status). Way to shoot for the gold and make a human right off the bat! 5 finger high-fives! No paws here!

Congrats, Jenna and Steven!

And Babe – I can’t wait to see your cute little face! Aunt Jules will be at your side on your birthday, just like she was for your cousin Gabby! I will live-tweet your birth! Aunt Jules is very good at keeping updates to friends and family! You have a lot of people waiting for you! We will hold hands while you scream and get your little lungs working. I will beg the nurse to double dip your feet in ink for my shirt. I’m never washing it, Babe. Your big cousins, Emma and Kate, will hold you in your little burrito of blankets while you sleep. Give me a hint, Babe! A pink or blue burrito??