The letter Z.

Ah, the letter Z. I thought I’d never see the day.

It’s the last day of April. It’s the last day of the 26-day A to Z Writing challenge. This challenge forced me to constrain each post within a letter. I wrote each post around 9 pm at night, not knowing exactly what I would write about until my fingers hit the keyboard.

There are some posts that make me cringe re-reading them, such as the letter L and the letter G. I could have written them funnier if I had more time to think.

Some posts did statistically well. The letter R is the most popular. My personal favorite is the letter M.

Before I get to Z, let’s recap.

The letter A – Awe.

The letter B – Baby Got Back.

The letter C – Chocolate.

The letter D – Drag queen.

The letter E – Emma.

The letter F – Fifth grade.

The letter G – Grocery stores.

The letter H – Hairy butts.

The letter I – Ice cream.

The letter J – Jockstrap.

The letter K – Kate.

The letter L – Lead foot driving.

The letter M – Motherfucker.

The letter N – Nice.

The letter O – Oh Emma, Oh Kate.

The letter P – Parenting.

The letter Q – Questions.

The letter R – Revenge.

The letter S – Scott.

The letter T – Thank you.

The letter U – Underwear.

The letter V – Vodka in Preschool.

The letter W – Wife.

The letter X – “You are here” X.

The letter Y – Yellowstone National Park.

The letter Z.

Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah.

You may think of Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah as an expression of happiness. Or due to its sappy usage by Disney you may think of Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah as an expression of happiness in a sarcastic way.

When, in fact, Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah is a song from Disney’s 1946 movie, Song of the South. It won an Academy Award for Best Original Song.

Speaking of Mickey Mouse – I got a story for you. I always have a story. I hoard stories until it’s the perfect time to tell you I got hit on by Mickey Mouse. 

Yes. You heard me.

My family is a “Disney Family.” From 2nd grade to college, I went to Disney World every other November. It’s the only vacation destination I knew growing up – Orlando, Florida. I’m not complaining. I was one of few kids in my school that went to Disney World every other year.

And then I wasn’t a kid anymore and Mickey Mouse hit on me.

I was an awkward early teenager eating dinner with my parents, three younger siblings, and my aunt Mary at a Disney World restaurant. It was one of those restaurants where the characters stop by your table to sign autographs and smile for pictures. All communication is through hand gestures and body language.

Goofy stopped by and posed with my brother’s Goofy hat. Pluto stopped by and pinched my baby sister’s cheeks. And then Mickey Mouse walked up.

Mickey stopped dead in his tracks and stared at me. He held his heart and got down on one knee.

Oh my God, my dad is right here, you pervert behind the mask.

Mickey got up and walked up next to my seat. He rested his Mouse arms on the table and cupped his Mouse chin in his white gloves and stared at me. I ignored all fake-eye contact. I picked at my chicken as the family laughed. Mickey took a piece of my chicken and held it up like he was going to feed me.

Oh, hell no, Mickey. You’re not feeding me.

I took the piece of chicken from Mickey’s hand and fed myself. My dad clapped. Mickey held his heart again.

“Mickey’s in love with Julie!”

I glared at my brother. Mickey pet my hand.

You sick pervert.

By this time the rest of the restaurant was watching because Mickey is the star when you’re at Disney World. Mickey wouldn’t even look at my siblings or my parents. Kids yelled for him. He ignored the kids. Mickey stood up. He knew every person in the that restaurant had their eyes on him.

He put his hand out, making it clear he wanted me to stand too.

“Do it! Do it for Mickey Mouse!”

“Mickey’s in love!”

“Shut up, JON! Mom, help me!”

My mom and my aunt laughed.

I stood up.

GODDAMNIT. 

Mickey pointed at his nose.

I shook my head. I didn’t understand what he was doing. The wait staff gathered around.

Great.

Mickey pointed at his nose again.

“I don’t get it.”

One of the wait staff said they think Mickey wants a kiss.

“WHAT!! NO! WHO’S UNDER THIS MASK?! DAD, STOP LAUGHING. YOU DON’T KNOW WHO IS UNDER THIS MASK. SINCE WHEN DOES MICKEY ASK FOR KISSES? DAD, HELP ME!”

My dad had tears in his eyes from laughing so hard. He couldn’t even talk.

“Give Mickey Mouse a kiss!”

“Mickey Mouse is hitting on Julie!”

“Do it! Do it!”

I hate my life.

I kissed Mickey Mouse on the nose.

Pervert.

Mickey’s nose wiggled up and down and side-to-side. Mickey started clapping. He held his heart again and walked off.

Finally.

“That wasn’t even funny. Is everyone done? Let’s go.”

We finished up our dinner. I stood up, getting ready to go.

Fucking Minnie Mouse showed up out of nowhere. She stomped over to my family’s table. Her hands were on her hips. The restaurant fell silent.

OH. MY. GOD.

My eyes got huge.

My siblings’ mouths dropped.

“MINNIE MOUSE! UH-OH! THIS IS GUNNA GET GOOD!”

“SHUT UP! UGH! THIS IS SO ANNOYING!”

Minnie pushed her nose in my face.

“I didn’t….I didn’t do anything.”

Minnie threw her hands up in frustration. My family got up and we left the restaurant.

I let my family have it.

“Oh yeah, real cute. Dad, why are cheering on some pervert under the mask? Why didn’t anyone say anything? This is Disney World! Since when does Mickey hit on teenagers?! This is so embarrassing. I can never come back here.”

“Yeah, because Minnie is here ready to kick your ass.”

“UGH!”

One by one, we filed on to the escalator that took us down to the pavilion level. My mom yelled.

“LOOK! Look at Mickey!! He’s coming outside of the restaurant!”

Everyone turned around and looked up. Mickey stood at the top of the escalator and blew his nose with a napkin. His head hung down and he cried. He took the napkin and waved a sad little wave.

Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah. to the man behind the mask. 

___________

Wait, don’t go! Find me on FacebookTwitter, and Instagram

Z.jpg

3 thoughts on “The letter Z.

  1. Hahaha! I shouldn’t laugh – perverts hitting on teenagers is not funny. But man, that’s a seriously funny post. The reactions (or lack thereof) from your mum & dad are priceless 🙂
    Congrats on finishing the challenge too!

    Like

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