Oh Emma, Oh Kate.

Greetings from the Florida Keys! 

We landed on the shores of Duck Key, Florida for part 1 of our vacation. 

Not even two minutes after we checked in, I was high-tailing it with Emma in a screeching ambulance to Marathon Key’s hospital. Emma is ok. I’ll keep you in suspense on what happened until we get back. 

We’re only here for a few days then we’ll head somewhere else – location to be determined because I don’t know yet. 

I’m being vague. I’ll stop. 

Here is the latest Oh Emma, Oh Kate – a series of funny things Emma, (age 10) and Kate (age 7) say.

(I had to type this from my phone. Please excuse any format issues. Wifi is hard to find in the Keys.)

________

Me: Kate. Wiggle that tooth out!

Kate: NO!

Emma: Fine, Kate. Have little baby teeth white dots in your mouth when you’re an adult.

________

Me: Kate, let daddy pull your tooth with a string.

Kate: I trust no one.

Scott: I can do it fast. You won’t feel it.

Kate: I don’t trust you. You. You. and You.

Me: You said “you” 4 times.

Kate: You, daddy, Emma and the string. I trust no one.

________

 Me: DINNER TIME!

Kate: Ugh. Worst time.

________

I was playing 40s radio/big swing music one morning.

Kate: What is this? Sounds like a ferris wheel in here.

________

Me: Let’s put on sunscreen before we go to the pool!

Emma: Nah.

Me: Um, yes you will.

Kate: Don’t need it.

Me: Yes, you do. This is not for debate. You will wear sunscreen or no pool.

Kate: We really don’t care if we get burnt. I’m fine with being red and hurting all over.

________

Kate: I need a new purse for Florida.

Me: No, you don’t.

Kate: They make me look pretty.

Me: You’re already pretty.

Kate: I think I need two now.

Me: Why?

Kate: Because we’re there for a week, honey! (snaps)

________

Kate: I told my friend’s mom that my tooth is wiggly.

Me: Did she wiggle it?

Kate: No, why?

Me: No reason.

Kate: There has to be a reason for everything. Why did you ask that?

________

I was outside, writing on our patio.

Me: Hey Kate, will you run inside and get me some headphones?

Kate: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

________

Emma: Why are there school buses driving on the road when there’s no school?

Me: Oh, sometimes a church will use them. Or a camp. Anytime there’s a lot of kids, you can rent them.

Kate: So, like, if you had a 3rd kid?

________

Kate wanted me to come to her “salon” to get a pedicure.

Me: Hello miss! Thank you for squeezing me in, I am so…

Kate: No speak English.

________

Me: Shark week! YES! Let’s watch, girls.

Kate: I’m scared of sharks.

Me: Well, we live in Kansas so there’s nothing to be scared of.

Kate: Well, I’m a girl.

________

Emma: Mom, you know this song?

Me: Uh, yeah! Dave Matthews. I listened to him back when I was cool in late 90s and when I was in college.

Emma: So he’s probably dead now.

________

I went to a girls’ night with some of Scott’s co-workers. We were talking about Emma and Kate. I was in the middle of explaining that Kate is really shy around strangers and she’s only sassy around people she’s comfortable with.

Me: Oh, Kate is calling on FaceTime.

Women: Answer it! Let’s see what she says!

Me: Hello?

Kate: Daddy took us out for ice cream and we got you NONE. Nothing. No ice cream for you.

(Women giggle)

Me: What?! Now what are you doing?

Kate: Waiting for daddy to get out of his bubble bath.

(Women fall over laughing)

________

Me: First day of summer! You know what that means? We start losing light! Ah!

Emma: Perfect. I get more time for night swimming.

________

Kate names her farts “Bob.” She blew up a small balloon and wrote “Bob” on it.

Kate: Emma, do you want to play “don’t drop Bob on the floor?”

Me: Wait. Bob is a balloon now?

Kate: Bob is still my fart. He’s in the balloon now.

________

Kate: I wish funner was a word.

________

Kate: What do married people do if they don’t have kids? What do they do all day?

________

Me: Let’s go to Hobby Lobby and find a craft to make daddy for Father’s Day.

Emma: Yeah!

Kate: Can’t we just order something already made from Hobby Lobby?

________

Kate: Mom?

Me: Yes.

Kate: Back in your day, was there such thing as pets?

________

Emma: Why do you have so many candles and tiki torches out here when you write?

Me: There are lots of bugs.

Emma: Do they not like fire or something?

Kate: No one likes fire, Emma.

________

Kate: The moon looks like daddy’s toenail he picks off and flicks in the sky.

Me: Gross.

Emma: What are the stars, Kate?

Kate: His dead skin when it peels off.

________

We passed a rainbow flag on a building.

Emma: That’s a pretty flag.

Me: I think it’s a gay club.

Kate: What’s gay?

Me: When a boy dates a boy or when a girl dates a girl.

Emma: Well, I’m not going in there.

Me: You don’t have to be gay to go in. I’ve been in a few. They’re just people having fun. Or wait. Actually, I think it’s a drag queen place.

Kate: What’s a drag queen?

Me: When a man dresses up like a woman. They’re called drag queens. They usually perform a show.

Kate: So they dress up like girls to try to get more girls in there? Like to trick them?

________

We were at the doctor’s office for Emma. The doctor was talking to Emma. Kate was on my lap.

Kate: What’s that? (Pushes my face)

Me: Shhhhh. A zit. Quiet. Doctor is talking.

Kate: How did you pop it?

Me: My fingers. Stop it.

Kate: I want to pop a zit with my fingers.

________

Me: Let’s go to Quick Trip. I love their hot dogs.

Emma: I love their taquitos! (Spanish accent)

Kate: And I love their Doritos! (Spanish accent)

________

Emma: Ugh, you stink, Kate.

Kate: I wish I could smell it.

________

Me: What are you watching on Netflix?

Kate: Mako Mermaids.

Me: Huh? Mako Mermaid?

Kate: sssssss.

________

Wait, don’t go! Find me on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Please continue to follow our adventure in Florida!

4 thoughts on “Oh Emma, Oh Kate.

  1. This is my favorite series! Loved it 🙂 Hope your time in Florida continues to be fun and without any additional hospital visits. Cute, cute pic of you and Scott on FB yesterday ❤️❤️

    Like

Ok, now it's your turn - write me back.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s