Things that piss me off more than they should.

Summer is a good time to let the demons out.

It’s hot. It’s sticky. Clothes fall off. Father Time shows his marks every summer. The once perky boobs hang low. Lines show up on the face. Even the beer dehydrates the body faster in the summer. Tolerances are at an all-time low. Show me one more empty Pop Ice wrapper and I’ll slit you with a pair of sticky, dull scissors. 

I’m here to vent steam. It keeps me cool. It keeps me from exploding.

It started while scrolling Pinterest late one night, hours after my demon summer spawns went to bed. This pin showed up in my feed.

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My mind filled with more images, like a highlight reel. These are things that wouldn’t piss off normal human beings. I can’t even tell you why these things piss me off. They just do. And I’ve had it.

Gas stations not thanking me. Gas stations not displaying a “thank you” on the screen when I’m done pumping. I have choices where to get gas and I choose your gas station, never mind I came rolling in hot on fumes. I would like a simple “thank you.” Please.

Scott responding to any argument with “relax.” He just pushed the “crazy” button and now I’m holding the sticky, dull scissors.

Shopping at Hobby Lobby and hearing Scott’s “relax” voice in my head. Now I’m mad at Scott and he isn’t even here.

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Big spoons in silverware sets. You heard me. The big spoons. Not the big forks. Not the knives. I can’t even look at this picture. They need to go to Goodwill. But then I’ll be left with more big spoons because they come in a set when I buy more little spoons to replace them.

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Dogs slurping their crotch at 4 am. It’s like they don’t even feel the pillow thrown at their head.

Walking into my other half’s closet and looking at these hangers.

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Game of Thrones. I mean, I get it. It’s a good show. It’s so good that Scott ignores me and my saggy boobs. He breaks into a sweat after every episode.

People telling me they love my blog in person. But I didn’t even know you read my blog. I realize this sounds teenager-ish but I don’t have any way of knowing if you – yes, you – read my blog unless you interact with me online. I need encouragement on a consistent basis because I’m really just a teenager.

Grey streaks of hair. Teenager on the inside.

Leftovers. It’s never good.

Realizing maybe cats really are assholes. Penny invites herself to the dinner table. She insists on meat. I can tell her no, like a dog, but she won’t listen to me because she’s an asshole cat.

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Do you have a Target RedCard? No. Do you have a grocery store card? No. Your gas station doesn’t tell me thank you. Do you have a library card? Wait, yes, I do have that. Stop the cards. Just give us a discount for not writing a check.

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That felt good.

Wait, don’t go! Find me on FacebookTwitter, and Instagram.

Tell me your vents. Let off some of that heat. It’s summer.

25 thoughts on “Things that piss me off more than they should.

  1. I agree with many of these. I also get really mad at people walking out of a door without looking behind them, only thinking about themselves. Just letting the door slam in my face. Pay attention to people around you. Also I love your blog 💋

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  2. I live on NYC. There are a lot of tall buidlings and a lot of elevators. Get on and elevator and press 2, and expect to be shamed the second you walk off.

    It’s ONE F@&#ING FLIGHT!

    Sorry…I’m ok now.

    Like

  3. Debe says:

    While Scott tells you to “relax” my husband tells me “positive thoughts”. Makes me want to jump over a couch, a table, a child, a dog or anything that’s In my way, and strangle him! That, and He tells me constantly that I worry too much… What mother doesn’t worry about something? Those two “mentions” really piss me off. Oh that and the underwear he leaves on the bathroom floor EVERY morning. Like Jennifer Lopez says “I ain’t your momma”. Thank you for your hilarious insight on life-love your blog!!!!!

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  4. Why don’t you just come on down off your high horse and get a Red Card like normal folks? We’re all getting a little tired of your whole “Look at me. I don’t need to save 5% on every purchase.” attitude. And let a man unbelt himself in his own way once in a while, will ya?

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  5. Paul Kah says:

    Hangers? Really? OCD is showing, ha ha.

    My hot button is someone saying “Whatever”!!!! Really? REALLY? Can’t their brain formulate and speak a thought?

    Like

  6. Big spoons?! But isn’t that what you eat your soup, cereal, oatmeal, ice cream with. I LOVE the big spoons. You send your big spoons to me, but you can’t have my little spoons because my children use them. 😉

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  7. Karen Scott says:

    Oh my God! I just kept laughing the more I read this! Some of the same things piss me off, too, but not many. But I can totally relate to the pure FURY you feel when you encounter these things that logically shouldn’t piss you off but do. And the fact that you want to KILL the love of your life who tells you to “relax” or “chill” or “positive thoughts” (I like that one!). When I am in that state, I know it’s completely irrational but I DON’T CARE and want everyone to GO AWAY. And that brick entrance things annoys me, too. Too funny. All of it. Love your blog and was afraid to accidentally run into you somewhere and tell you and get hurt.

    Like

  8. notjustdoinglaundry says:

    Oh my God! I just kept laughing the more I read this! Some of the same things piss me off, too, but not many. But I can totally relate to the pure FURY you feel when you encounter these things that logically shouldn’t piss you off but do. And the fact that you want to KILL the love of your life who tells you to “relax” or “chill” or “positive thoughts” (I like that one!). When I am in that state, I know it’s completely irrational but I DON’T CARE and want everyone to GO AWAY. And that brick entrance things annoys me, too. Too funny. All of it. Love your blog and was afraid to accidentally run into you somewhere and tell you and get hurt.

    Like

  9. I loved your post! Here’s what pisses me off: Letting someone in ahead of me when they are trying to merge, and not getting a “thank you” wave. So entitled!

    Like

  10. Apparently, dudes named Scott were born saying the word, “Relax.” Whilst twirling their belts and watching GOT.
    This made me laugh so hard. I may actually get through the afternoon without using the dull,sticky scissors on somebody 😉

    Like

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