A video sat in the corner of a room, recording two little girls eating dinner. The video was recording for an important reason. They were going to hear big news:
“You’re going to have a baby brother.”
Hell no I didn’t say that.
My sister did.
I have two sisters and one brother. I have two daughters, Emma and Kate. Jessica has two daughters, Gabby and Savannah. Jenna has two daughters, Evelyn and June. And Jon has a female dog. Hi Claire!
I do have a nephew and another niece, Ben and Lucy. They are on Scott’s side of the family.
Until recently, I had 5 nieces and 1 nephew. Are you keeping track?
I started to get theories in my head. Three sisters with six daughters in a ten year time frame. What are the chances? Do our eggs have an anti-boy sperm block? Maybe the more “manly” the dad is, the more likely he is to produce a daughter. Or maybe my mom got into voodoo in the 80s and cursed/blessed her hair-pulling, screaming daughter drama with daughters of their own.
Science doesn’t back me up on any of this. I googled it. The chances of having a baby girl is slightly under 50%. Pass the tampon.
Jessica’s announcement sent a shock through the family. A brother. A son. A nephew. A grandson. A boy cousin with cooties. We haven’t heard “it’s a boy” since my brother’s birth circa 1985.
I’ve never seen a baby penis. I take that back – I’ve seen a few briefly. There was a boy at the playground that dropped his pants and peed a foot away from my daughter. I also have a nephew but he lives in San Francisco so I do not see him or his penis. But when I do see Ben, I get nervous I’m squishing his balls when I hold him on my hip. He’s going to have memories visiting Kansas where the ball-squishing aunt lives.
I don’t know what to do with a penis.
Well, ok. I know what to do with a penis. A man’s penis. But not my nephew’s man penis. This whole blog post is backfiring.
You see? I’m all flustered with a boy.
I had so many questions before his birth. He would be my own because my sisters’ kids are my own. Am I allowed to speak to him high-pitched? Am I allowed to call him precious? Painting his toenails is out of the question. Maybe bring some hair gel to the hospital? Throw a baseball his way? CATCH! I don’t know. I don’t have anything to teach him. Wait – I did grow up with a brother and I can teach him how to spit out bananas on Mario Go Kart’s Rainbow Road.
And then he was born. I became an aunt for the 7th time.
William Frederick was placed in my arms on June 8, 2016.
And he is precious.
He’s not different than the nieces handed to me by one of my sisters. He squeaks. He cries high-pitched. His lower lip trembles when he yawns. He has ten toes, ten fingers and a penis. He peed on the nurse during his bath. A comedian – a boy after his Aunt Jules’ heart.
Oh look! I taught him how to MAN-ROAR.
I only wonder what William will teach me.