Tomorrow never comes.

You know when you meet a new group of people and you’re polite and they’re polite and you hope they like you?

And you know when this new group of people lives next door to you and you realize, after a year, the politeness is over and now they’re reading about themselves on your blog?

Oh.

It’s April 26th. I have four days to prepare for a 5-mile mud race including 22 military-style obstacles, such as crawling in mud under barbed wire and climbing up walls by lifting each other up like middle-aged cheerleaders.

Scott and I agreed to run Battle Frog on April 30th with our neighbors.

Our neighbors, the highlight reel: A former Kansas City Chiefs player, a former Sporting KC goalie turned broadcaster, a pediatric cardiologist, halloween enthusiasts, a mom with arms that can open any spaghetti sauce jar, and another mom with abs that makes me I should put this cupcake down. Oh! And a nice family from Iowa.

Half of these people have their own Wikipedia page because of their athletic ability. The other half do Crossfit. And the remaining few have the will power to never touch cupcakes.

In move the Burtons. We must have looked promising.

We have Scott Burton – VP of a medical software company by day, ripped caveman by night. He is training to hike a mountain, shoot an elk, and carry the 500-pounds of meat back down on his shoulders.

And then we have Julie Burton – hi.

The neighbors know our schedule. They know when we grill dinner. They know our parents’ cars, friends’ cars, and our kids’ bikes. They know the clanking of the trash truck will be followed by me screaming and dragging a trash bin down my driveway. The one thing they never see or hear is Scott and me having an argument.

They never hear us argue because Scott is a firm believer in the silent treatment.

Scottsilent

And I am a firm believer in running for half a mile and then taking a mile-long stroll back home because my lungs hurt and I have a side cramp.

running2

Scott is giving me the silent treatment for being lazy.

I don’t know what happened. I had months to prepare. They say kids grow up in a blink of an eye. Yeah, well, so does signing up for a mud race with the neighbors.

I’m not saying I don’t work out. I’m not lazy. I go to the gym every chance I get. I lift weights. Building muscle makes my metabolism high. I am also tall and an avid eater of jalapeños. My neighbors have no idea I ignored their texts about remembering to get in a morning run.

Sure, I told them I ran a 5k a few years ago. I trained for that race. I worked hard for that race and I made good time. But that was the last time I ran. My neighbors were easily fooled into thinking I have a runner’s body.

And now it’s going to be a dead body on April 30th. Scott will throw me over a wall and leave me there without saying a word. The halloween enthusiasts will stop to take makeup notes on a dying body. And the cardiologist will be hard at work because they need their storyteller alive to tell the tale.

We’re days away from an 8k with military-style obstacles and I’m still eating this cupcake because I’ll just run tomorrow.

___________

Wait, don’t go! Find me on FacebookTwitter, and Instagram. I’ll post pictures of my dead body. 

14 thoughts on “Tomorrow never comes.

  1. OMG…I am ROLLING, Julie! I have no doubt you will rock the race and look hot eating the cupcakes afterwards.

    My husband loudly announced that he was retiring from racing or doing anything with me–halfway through a Tuff Mudder. Somehow, I convinced him to finish, but he’s big on the silent treatment, too…anytime I bring up the next race coming to town.

    Girl–I love your writing, your style, your humor, and your grace. We need to get together in KC–I’ll bring cupcakes 😉

    Like

    1. YES! We need to meet. And I need cupcakes.
      Tuff Mudder?? Ah! You’re a better woman than me!!
      I plan on yelling at Scott. There’s no doubt in my mind. Thank you so much for reading and laughing. Love it.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Haha! I loved it! Taking makeup notes from a dying body, awesome! I think to even the playing field we should create wiki pages for each other and everyone on the block can add to them. Then we all can be cool!

    Like

  3. Loved it! Taking notes from a dying person! Hilarious. I think we need to create Wiki Pages for each of us and then have everybody on the Block edit them 🙂 let’s even the playing field out.
    Chris

    Like

  4. Before moving into a new neighborhood, you need to ask: Are the schools good? How’s the crime rate? Do they enjoy cupcakes?
    The only tension in my neighborhood is during the debate over buttercream or whipped frosting.

    Like

  5. This is your chance, Julie, to turn the concept of a “cake walk” on its ear, smack dab into the frosting. I love the underdog. I have a feeling you’re going to not die in four days.

    I’d bet a dozen cupcakes on it.

    (p.s. I’ve been reading you a while. Your writing has always been good. It’s getting a lot stronger, though. It’s like you’re more comfortable in your own voice, and the results are awesome. Just my opinion.)

    Like

      1. We used to say that when we had an easy team to play in football! Saying it made me hungry, which is okay for a fourth-string middle linebacker.

        Oh, you deserve every bit of it. It’s been so cool to see from this end.

        Like

Ok, now it's your turn - write me back.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s