Hi, my name is Julie. My husband is Scott.
We have two school-aged girls, Emma and Kate. We also have two dogs, Belle and Stella. We are the Burtons.
One more family member – Bob. We can’t forget Bob.
They say kids who have imaginary friends generally turn out to be highly creative adults. There’s nothing wrong with your child if they have an imaginary friend. In fact, “play along with them!” they say.
I would like to challenge the psychologists – but what if Kate’s imaginary friend is her fart, named Bob? There’s something wrong with my family.
This is a part 2. An extension of Bob.
Kate: Mommy, will you cuddle with me in bed?
Me: Ok, but only for a few minutes. I have some writing to do. (I pull the blankets over us)
Kate: Oh! Ha! Bob get out of here. (waves the blankets)
Me: Hey will you get me some scissors from the kitchen?
Kate: Sure. I gotta take Bob for a walk anyway.
Me: Scott, did I tell you Bob called to have me text him a picture of Emma’s buck? His neighbors are impressed.
Scott: Ha! Awesome.
Kate: (jumps into doorway) Did you say BOB called you?
Kate: WHOA! Bob is a big boy today!
We were in the school drop off line. The girls started to climb out of the car.
Kate: Well, hold on a second. Let me leave Bob here before I go.
Kate held out her two fists.
Kate: Pick one.
Me: Hmmmm. This one.
Kate: (opens her fist, nothing inside) Ha! That’s Bob! (put her hand under my nose)
Me: Ugh. Kate. Your breath. Go brush your teeth.
Kate: I already did. Bob is standing right next to you.
Me: Where’s Bob at today, Kate? I haven’t heard him lately.
Kate: In my butt.
Kate: Ugh. I have a hair in my butt.
Kate: (pulls out a long blonde hair from her pants)
Me: Oh. Yeah that happens sometimes. It’s annoying when hair falls down your shirt too.
Kate: Bob was playing jump rope. Ha! Cute.
Me: I need to run in the gas station really quick.
Emma: Can we stay here?
Me: Yeah, that’s fine. I’ll turn car off and lock it. Don’t open the door or the alarm will go off. I’ll be watching you the whole time so don’t start fighting.
(I go into gas station, make my purchase then come back out and get in car.)
Me: Were you guys good….OH MY GOD.
Kate: Bob snuck in!
Emma: Put the windows down, mom! I’m dying. I’m locked in here.
Kate: Bob smells good, Emma. I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Kate: I just fluffed.
Scott: What’s fluffed?
Kate: It’s a secret word.
Emma: She changed Bob to fluffed.
(I stare at Scott)
Me: (whisper) Do you know what that means?
Scott: No, what?
Me: It’s something bad. Porn bad. I think…where did I hear this…50 Shades of Grey?
Me: Hold on. Oh dear.