I took Kate to a public restroom. I walked inside a stall then turned around and waited. Kate walked in.
Me: Wait. There’s no more toilet paper in that one. Wait for another.
Kate: I just won’t wipe.
Me: I don’t think so. You will wipe.
Kate: Ugh, fine.
We wait for another stall.
Kate: Got a turtlehead poking out now.
Me: DAMNIT, SCOTT!
Kate: Why did you say dammit, Scott?
Kate: I hate school assemblies.
Emma: The principal just talks and talks.
Kate: Yeah. And she never claps for herself. She just stops talking and waits for us to clap.
Me: Kate, do you want a croissant sandwich for lunch tomorrow?
Kate: I hate them.
Me: I’ve packed them in your lunch before.
Kate: Well, I accidentally drop them on the floor at lunch. All of them.
Emma: I love ice skating.
Scott: I do too. You know what it reminds me of? Charlie Brown!
Kate: Remember the part in the movie when Charlie Brown gets naked?
We went to Crown Center in Kansas City. We ice skated outside then walked around the “mall” part. Inside, a kids choir was singing Christmas carols.
Scott: Let’s watch the kids sing for a little bit.
Kate: What is this, like church or something?
I tucked Kate in bed and walked out of her room.
Kate: Will you come back later and take a picture of me sleeping?
Me: What? Why?
Kate: I want to see what I look like.
Kate: Simon says touch your nose.
Me: (touch nose)
Kate: Simon says touch your cheek.
Me: (touch cheek)
Kate: Simon says fart.
Me: Are you done murdering your sister?
Me: And what do you say?
I brought the girls to a pet store to get the dogs some food. We stopped by the puppies and a store employee asked if we wanted to hold one. The girls picked out a puppy to play with.
Kate: I want to take this puppy home with us!
Emma: Kate, they turn into monsters like Stella. Don’t let them trick you. Believe me, you DON’T want this puppy.
Emma has allergies that makes her cough. It gets bad at night. I was giving her medicine before she went to bed.
Emma: I hate this medicine.
Me: Here, drink it fast then drink something you like right after. It’s called a shooter and a chaser.
(I get her some chocolate milk)
Emma: Ok. Got my shooter (holds up medicine). And I got my catcher (holds up chocolate milk).
Me: CHASER. The shooter and the chaser!
Emma: If you get hurt, sometimes you will get another person’s blood.
Me: She’s right. If you lose enough blood, a hospital will give you someone else’s. People donate blood. Kate, you have some weird blood type. Emma and I are normal.
Emma: What do you mean?
Me: There are different types of blood. Emma and I are O negative. We can give blood to anyone, it doesn’t matter what their blood type is. Kate, I think you and daddy are A negative or something. You can only give to people with your blood type. It won’t match with everyone. Something like that.
Scott: Kate! We’re like blood brothers!
Kate: Blood sisters.
Kate: AH! I have a paper cut!
Me: Are you bleeding bad? Do you need a band-aid?
Kate: I’m at about 10%.
Kate: I drawed you something.
Me: Cute! Wait, who’s it for? You wrote ‘to mom or dad or question mark.’
Kate: I couldn’t decide who to make it for.
Kate: Look at my toy I got from school for being good!
Me: Oh, that’s kinda cute.
Emma: It’s made in China. (walks off)
Kate: If you work at McDonald’s, you have less money.
Me: Who told you that?
Kate: I made it up.
I was listening to “Linus and Lucy” on Christmas radio. It’s all instrumental.
Emma: Hey, this is Snoopy!
Me: It’s called Linus and Lucy.
Kate: Ugh! Just start singing!
Kate: You jingleberry!
Me: What did you call her?
Emma: Daddy told us what a dingleberry is and she keeps saying it wrong.
The girls and I were jogging in the parking lot towards the gym doors because it was cold.
Kate: Let’s have a race!
Kate: (takes off, yells over her shoulder) LAST ONE IS A ROTTEN FISH EGG!
Me: A rotten fish egg?
Emma: Mom, she makes up random stuff.
We were eating at a Mexican restaurant. A waiter put Kate’s water down in front of her.
Kate: NO ME TOQUES!
Kate: Spanish. Means don’t touch me.
I told Kate to brush her teeth.
Kate: You’re not the boss of me.
Me: Uh, yes I am. I am your mom.
Kate: (scrunches nose) Then you can’t control me.
Emma was picking up dog poop in our back yard. Our neighbor was outside in back.
Neighbor: Hey Emma!
Neighbor: Will you come pick up my yard too?
Me: Do you want me to put on the jets in the tub?
Kate: No, I only have the jets on when I’m at Nana’s.
Me: My tub does the exact same thing.
Kate: But I can only really relax at Nana’s.
Kate called Emma into my bathroom while she was taking a bath.
Emma busts open my door.
Emma: All she wanted was for me to come in there to watch bubbles float to the top from her farting.
Kate: MOM! The book fair was today! You didn’t give me any money!
Me: It goes all week. I’ll give you some money tomorrow.
Kate: I’ll just tell Nina (grandma) to give me money from the bank she works at. One hundred dollars.
We were racing Scott home from the gym.
Me: Good thing you stayed with me! We beat daddy home!
Kate: FO SHO.
Me: Hey, will you bring me a candy cane?
Kate: Nope. Sorry. You have braces. No hard candy.
Emma: Mom, did you know my gymnastics teacher is 16?
Me: Yeah, she looks it.
Emma: Yeah, she does. SO OLD.
Me: Who wants marshmallows in their hot chocolate?
Emma: Not feeling the marshmallows today.
Kate: Who lives in apartments?
Me: Lots of people. It’s cheaper than buying. Or if you need to live somewhere for a temporary amount of time. Like when you go to college, you’ll probably live in an apartment.
Kate: YAY! I can leave at midnight whenever I want!
I was quizzing Kate on her spelling words.
Me: Spell but.
I was in Florida with the girls and we stayed at a hotel. Our TV kept turning on and off by itself. I called the front desk for a maintenance guy. Maintenance shows up.
Me: It keeps turning on while we’re sleeping and now it won’t shut off.
Maintenance: Sometimes these TVs short out. If you unplug it, it should take care of it.
Me: Or it’s a ghost.
Emma: MOM. STOP.
Me: What should we get daddy for Christmas?
Kate: A box of macaroni and cheese.
Merry Christmas! Love,
Scott, Julie, Emma, Kate, Belle and Stella Burton