Momma has to do everything.

What’s it like being married to Scott?

I’ve never been asked that but I’ll go ahead and tell you – he’s a man’s man. He’s the dream son every dad wants. At 34-years-old, he looks like he has the body of a 22-year-old because he’s disciplined at the gym and I’m a terrible cook. He hunts. He fishes. He killed a 10-foot alligator. He’s thrown a bar fight punch or two. His voice is deep and he grows a full beard in November.

Every day I’ve known him he’s made me laugh. Even the hard days. Scott is also kind. He likes helping people when he can and he never expects a thank you.

I have known Scott for 15 years. I have lived with him for 11. When you know someone for that long you will find oh, let’s just say the things that make us human. The negatives. I’m talking about the negatives.

Now. I’m not saying I’m the cleanest person in the world but DAMNIT, SCOTT.

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Blink again.

It’s the coyote Scott shot 10 days ago. A coyote resting in peacing in a pool of frozen blood under all my dinner meals.

Scott’s reply to my all caps text: But his paws would poke through a trash bag. It’s frozen. It’s fine. I’ll take it in to the taxidermist if it bothers u that much.

My meals smell like iron.

I swear, some days, I feel like I have two daughters and a teenage son. Momma has to clean up her kids’ messes.

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Fine. He has a point with the paws thing. But at least I don’t have a piece of aluminum foil in between my manicotti and coyote anus. Hey, is this thing smiling at me?

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Wait.

I never did get a picture of Belle and the coyote. Triumphant Belle, the yorkie poo. Coyote attack survivor.

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Come on, kids! Stop pretending you’re driving my car. Follow me.

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VICTORY.

You try to kill our Belle, you will be hunted down, frozen, and thrown out on my blog.

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Warn the rest of ’em, coyote.

Momma has to do everything.

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Stop staring at me holding a carcass, Belle. I’m not the crazy one here. 

 

Are you a “dirty” person or a “clean” person? What would you do if you opened the freezer to a dead coyote? Is the manicotti ok? Maybe I’ll have Scott taste-test first. Have you ever held a frozen coyote? I did wear gloves and Scott’s jacket. 

16 thoughts on “Momma has to do everything.

  1. I know you’re not a curser, but what the ever living fuck????!!! LOL. My wife would have kicked my ass and I’d be buying a new freezer for the garage! BTW, you should totally buy a new freezer for your garage! I’m glad he got the culprit though, because I’m sure it would’ve tried for your little dog or worse, a kid, the next time.

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  2. OMG!! This is grossly hilarious! I.Would.Die. if I opened up my fridge to that. It’s bad enough that my son stores maggots in our fridge before fishing! That’s why you are a great married couple, right? 🙂

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