The kiddie menu.

Name this movie –

“Boys have a penis. Girls have a vagina.”

kindergarten-cop

Correct.

Kindergarten Cop.

Laugh it up. It’s all one big joke until it’s your own daughter drawing penises on her kiddie menu.

Yes, she’ll have chicken tenders with a side of fries and oh hey! That little boy is singing with a fat penis hanging from his pants. KATE!

IMG_7291

Mr. Kimble didn’t laugh at his kindergarten student in Kindergarten Cop. And Scott and I didn’t laugh at our first grader either.

Ok, fine. I laughed a little behind my hair falling around my face. But she added a belly button too.

____________

Me: (gasp)

Scott: What?

Kate crossed out her picture. I picked up Kate’s drawing and held it up for Scott

Scott: What’s that?

Me: What do you think it is?

Scott: KATE.

Kate stared at the TV above her.

Scott: KATE.

Kate: What.

Scott: Look at me. LOOK. AT. ME. Did you draw a picture of a penis on that little boy?

Kate: No.

Scott: KATE. THEN WHAT IS THIS. Look.

Kate: It’s a penis.

I looked at Emma, smiled, and dropped my head before she made me laugh.

Scott: And why did you draw that?

Kate: To be funny.

Scott: How would you feel if a boy drew a vagina on a little girl?

Kate: I don’t care.

Nudity.

I don’t hide my body from my girls. I don’t cover myself up when I’m getting dressed. But I don’t walk around the house fully nude either. Emma and Kate could care less about a locker room full of changing women at the gym. They don’t stare or ask questions. The adult female body is just that – an adult female body.

My job is easy. We’re the same sex.

When the girls were born, Scott placed a black box over his crotch and hasn’t moved it since.

It didn’t matter that our newborn baby girl couldn’t see more than a few inches away. It didn’t matter she would never understand or even remember what she was looking at other than maybe that’s another short leg. It didn’t matter. Scott produced two girls. And according to Scott, girls don’t need to look at penises.

Family showers? No. Never.

Family baths? Nope.

If our potty-training toddler needed to use a public restroom? Mens bathroom is off limits. Go find your mom.

There is a strict rule at our house – Emma and Kate are not allowed in the bathroom or closet if Scott is in there. There’s no discussion on the issue. You stay out or you’ll get in trouble. The girls see a welcome sign when I’m in there. They have a knack at knowing when I’m shaving my legs in the shower. Hey, mom? No one is dying but do you care if we have a snack?

I am guessing I would be covering myself more if I was the opposite sex parent. Maybe. At some point my son would say, “hey mom. Put some clothes on.” And I would.

Does a prude dad equal penis obsessed daughter? If by hiding behind a black box makes a child more curious – hey, wait a minute – how does Kate know what a penis looks like?

I really want to know from opposite sex parents – do you cover yourself up around your kids? Are you as extreme as Scott, in that you hide yourself from babies? Or are you open-minded, like me? Do you think if both parents are more relaxed about their body, the kids will be see body parts in a non-funny manner? Do you think that waiter laughed at Kate’s artwork after we left? I left it on the table with his tip. 

3 thoughts on “The kiddie menu.

  1. Hi, Julie–
    I was never overly cautious around my son and he never really paid any attention to me if I was undressed in front of him. We took a few bubble baths in the jet tub together when he was little, but when he turned oh, around ten I think (it’s been a long time–he’s 26 now) I asked our pediatrician about it, and he suggested I play it by ear, if I felt uncomfortable, maybe it was time to do things differently. Fairly soon after, if he saw me dressing he’d either shut his eyes or turn around. Now that he’s grown, he still has free access to our bathroom/bedroom spaces, but if I hear him coming I yell “SPOILER ALERT” and he knows to come back in a few minutes. His father is like you and doesn’t make any bones about it (same sex thing). And on HIS end of the deal, he’s never been embarrassed to show his body in front of us IF it happens–if we accidentally walk in on him undressed. We try to respect his privacy (while he lived at home and now when he visits) and knock before we enter his space.

    I have a friend who’s grown daughter walked in on her in the buff, said “EWWW”, immediately dropped her drawers, mooned her and said, “This is what a butt is supposed to look like!” (Just wait till SHE gets old!!!) Note: my friend has no butt whatsoever.

    Oh, and by the way, I would have LAUGHED OUT LOUD had my offspring drawn a picture like Kate did! As they say, “laughter is the best medicine”. Sorry, but that was just way too funny!

    CHEERS,
    Susie

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    1. I think I would be like you with a son. I think it would definitely be him telling me to cover up bc he’s uncomfortable. That’s nice he’s not uncomfortable around you. I just want kids (and adults) to never feel embarrassed about our bodies.
      And that is hilarious about your friends daughter! That sounds like Kate! Emma and I have the same flat butt too. Lol

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  2. I used to shower with Ace until she was either two or three. Literally, for the first time ever, she looked up pointed to my package and asked, “What’s th….” I threw her out of the shower before she could finish her sentence and that was that. She’s 12 now and we’ve never showered since. Lol. I’m not prude for sure, but that was a conversation I wasn’t having then. I don’t think sex or the body or whatever is a big deal though, and my wife and I both want her and the boys eventually to be comfortable enough with us later on to ask us whatever. There’s probably something to being overly prude causing some sort of hyperactive penis something or other, but it beats a dad just hanging out there all the time i’m sure. Lol. Kate….I bet you left that menu out with pride.

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