On Suburb Ave.

They said we couldn’t have picked a better neighborhood to live in.

On top of that, they said we couldn’t have picked a better street.

“Oh, those are the “fun” neighbors,” they said.



On the 4th of July, they damn near set our not-yet-owned house on fire.

We did not receive an invite.

We’ve been in the new house for one month. We are still learning names, who lives where, which kid belongs to who, and which person drives which car. I am neighborly in that I like to wave as they drive past me throwing my body on top of my trash container lid.

Our new life on the cul-de-sac is everything we were searching for – a close knit group of people – funny people, our people. This is a place for our kids to roam free. Most people don’t use the word perfect because there is no such thing – but this new life we stepped into was close to, well, perfect.

Close but no cigar.

September hit and now I’m all flustered. I don’t know what my Halloween costume will be. 

In any given neighborhood, there’s always one Halloween house. You know the one. A house that takes Halloween as seriously as Christmas morning. It’s the house the kids run to for the best candy. Reese’s Peanut Butter Pumpkins for all. It’s the house where the parents dress up because their inner child will never die. Not on a night like Halloween. Thunder. Fog. Heavy breathing. A full moon. No – stop, no full moon – the next full moon on Halloween won’t happen until 2020.

Do you know why I know Halloween won’t see a full moon until 2020?

Because I own the Halloween house. As predictable as the phases of the moon, I bring Halloween alive every year. I learned from the best – my father. The giant, hairy, head-to-toe gorilla walking his four children door-to-door every October 31st. Halloween is my day.

Until I met, oh, let’s just call them Chris and Katie.


Chris: Man, I’m a little concerned I haven’t thought of my Halloween costume yet. It’s already April. Usually I know this in January.

Me: What did you say?

Chris: Halloween. It’s me and Katie’s thing. You’ll see.

Me: Oh, yeah we’ll see. One year, Scott and I were William and Kate. Here, check this out.


Chris: Oh. Let’s see…what year should I pull out. Oh! One year we were the cast from Wizard of Oz.

Me: Aw, that’s cute.

Chris: I was Dorothy in drag.

Me: What.

Chris: Oh, here we go. Found it.



Me: Well, look at this. This may have been one of my all time best. Michael Jackson.



And Scott and the girls were my zombies. Thriller…..Well, Kate actually backed out. Might have been too scary for her.


I was told Emma couldn’t wear her gash in her chest at school. I hate it when schools don’t let me have creative freedom.

Chris: Yeah, that’s pretty good. And then one year, let’s see was this last year? We were Rainbow Brite and her horse. My mom sews my costumes. You should see our basement. And my parents basement too.


Me: Oh.

Chris: You can’t tell from the picture but the horse actually blew steam from it’s mouth. I had a steam machine built into the head.

Me: What.

Chris: Yeah, it was pretty epic.

Me: Last year, Scott and I were Maverick and Ice Man. Volleyball scene Ice Man.


We arranged a fly-over as soon as school was let out. Went right over our house on Halloween.

Chris: WHAT?!

Me: I’m kidding. But I did try. Remember how cold Halloween was last year? Scott went around with exposed nipples. I was warm though. I special ordered my jacket from some guy in England because I wanted an exact replica Maverick jacket with all the correct patches. The details. It’s all about the details.

Chris: When Katie was pregnant, we were Juno.


Me: I’m thinking about being Tina Turner this year. Don’t mind me lunging all up and down the street.

Chris: Oh, my dad was Tina Turner one year. He’s almost 7 feet tall. His legs looked amazing. Do you need a wig? We might have one.

Me: ……..

Chris: ………

Me: I think I’m going to change my costume. Scott doesn’t like to dress up. He won’t be able to pull off Ike.

Chris: Yeah, he will bring your average down, for sure. There’s a Halloween costume contest this year. My house. On Halloween. Katie and I win every year.

Me: And then we moved in.


They said we couldn’t have picked a better neighborhood to live in. Instead of one Halloween house there are two. Who doesn’t love a good, healthy Halloween challenge with a blown up house.

I have narrowed down our couple’s costume to one. It’s not Tina and Ike.

The biggest challenge: keeping it a secret until Halloween.

Do you and your spouse dress up for Halloween? Do you have any suggestions for Scott and me? I am still up for changing. Especially if someone figures out who we are. Don’t be going through our Amazon trash. Do you attend Halloween costume parties? What is your all-time best Halloween costume?

11 thoughts on “On Suburb Ave.

  1. Oh my gosh! You guys are awesome. That Michael Jackson was PERFECT!! I can detect the major competitive bone in you!! You are going to kill it I’m guessing. Cannot wait to see the pictures.

    We go to a great adult party where what happens there…stays there. We’re talking some swingers (no, we haven’t participated) & good music. It may not happen this year since sadly, the owner of the house got two DUIs this year. Oopsie. 🙂


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