Oh Emma, Oh Kate.

Kate: It’s not good to cough and fart.

___________

Emma: Why did you write “from the Scott Burtons?”

Me: Because there will be 4 Burton families at the Burton Christmas. I can’t write from “the Burtons.”

Kate: But we’re the real Burtons, right mom?

___________

We were getting ready to go to a neighborhood white elephant gift exchange.

Kate: Don’t forget the elephant.

___________

Kate: Teach me how to snap.

Me: Ok. Hold your fingers like this and snap down. Make your fingers hit the fatty part of your palm. Like this.

Kate: (tries to snap)

Me: It takes practice. You’ll get it. (I walk off and come back into the room, 15 minutes later.)

Kate: (sitting in the corner, with her hand in front of her face, perfecting her snap.)

Me: Have you been snapping this whole time?

Kate: I want it louder.

___________

Me: Kate, what do you want for Christmas?

Kate: I was thinking something about a playground for the backyard but that’s probably expensive.

Me: What about clothes?

Kate: That’s boring.

Me: Do you want to go naked?

Kate: (stares at me and snaps in my face)

___________

I took the girls to a cupcake shop.

Me: Ok girls, pick out a cupcake. Oh, this gingersnap cupcake looks good.

Kate: I want that. The gingersnap. (snaps in the air 3 times)

___________

I was in the car with Kate.

Kate: How do you make the car stop?

Me: There’s a brake at my foot. There’s two pedals down here. One to go and one to stop.

Kate: So whats that stick you move?

Me: Oh, that’s where I put what gear it needs to be in. P means park. D means drive, or go. R means reverse. And N means neutral, like if someone had to push my car. See these letters here?

Kate: Didn’t they teach you to keep your eyes on the road for safety?

___________

Emma: We know what you’re getting for Christmas.

Me: Tell me.

Emma: Nope.

Me: I’ll get you to crack. Give me a hint.

Emma: No hints.

Kate: CAT.

Me: What?

Kate: Well, I’m getting you a cat so I can have a cat.

___________

Kate: Daddy, what’s your favorite state?

Scott: Ummm….

Kate: Mine is K-State.

___________

Me: Did you make cookies with Lane and his mom today?

Kate: Yes. We went to the store and bought the ingredients.

Me: Did you eat the dough?

Kate: No.

Me: NO?!

Kate: No.

Me: Are you lying?

Kate: I don’t know.

___________

Emma was angry about something.

Kate: Remember our yoga class, Emma? Breathe in (inhales) and breathe out (exhales) when you’re mad.

Emma: Stop the yoga talk, Kate.

___________

Me: Kate, what do you want to drink?

Kate: You know. (snap snap snap)

___________

Emma: Dad! Mommy said come downstairs pronto!

Kate: What does pronto mean in English?

___________

I took Kate to get a haircut. She doesn’t like her hair cut because she doesn’t like attention on herself.

Kate: (in seat) Don’t look at me.

Me: Oh ok. (I face the other direction. I sneak a peak at her)

Kate: (staring at me. Shakes her finger at me and snaps)

___________

Kate got in trouble.

Me: Go to your room.

Kate: (runs to her room) AND THANKS FOR TEACHING ME HOW TO SNAP! (snap snap. Slams the door.)

___________

Me: Do you snap at school?

Kate: Yes. (snap snap)

Me: Stop snapping. It’s rude.

Kate: (holds her hand up, with fingers curved, ready to snap.)

Me: You snap at me one more time, you will go to your room.

Kate: (snap snap snap)

Me: Go to your room.

Kate: (runs upstairs. Snaps at top. Door slam)

___________

Scott took Emma out deer hunting. Emma got what is called “buck fever” – where she couldn’t pull the trigger on a big buck because of her nerves. Emma came home upset she couldn’t pull the trigger.

Scott: Well, maybe you weren’t supposed to shoot that buck because Jesus didn’t want you to shoot it.

Emma: But I did want to shoot it. Jesus didn’t listen to my prayers!

___________

This was before our dog, Bailey, passed away.

Me: Hey, Kate. Watch my breakfast. I need to run upstairs and get something. Make sure the dogs don’t eat it.

(I run upstairs and come back down)

Me: Good job, Kate. The dogs didn’t touch my food!

Kate: Yeah, they did. Bailey ate it. I fried you a new egg sandwich while you were upstairs.

___________

Me: Hurry up, Kate. Change your pants before I take Emma to school. You’re making us late.

Kate: Well, you shouldn’t have grown two babies then. (snap snap)

___________

Kate: (walked in kitchen, laughing) Daddy is wearing pink today!

Scott walks in kitchen, not wearing pink.

Me: I thought you had on pink today.

Scott: She made fun of me too much so I changed.

___________

Scott: What should we get mommy for her birthday?

Kate: Let’s talk about my birthday.

___________

Me: Please stop kicking the counter, Kate.

Kate: Why? (continues to kick)

Me: Why do you think?

Kate: It’ll break.

Me: Yes, please stop.

Kate: I don’t know. It’s pretty hard. (kicks)

___________

We were babysitting my niece, Gabby, for the weekend. I sent Emma to rub Gabby’s back to get her to take a nap. Emma walks downstairs.

Emma: I can’t get Gabby to go to sleep.

Kate: Did you try putting her in a closet?

___________

Scott and I have a “race” when we drive home from the gym with the girls.

Me: Kate, get in my car. Emma is in daddy’s. Let’s go.

Kate: Ok, I’ll go with you but I’m pretending I’m in daddy’s car.

___________

Kate: Did Emma cry when she got her ears pierced?

Me: Yeah, she cried a lot.

Kate: Did the whole mall hear her?

___________

Kate: How do you spell bush?

I’m sorry. I laughed because I have a dirty mind.

___________

Special Edition: Oh Kids.

Kate had a friend over.

Friend: Can I use your bathroom?

Me: Sure! Turn down that hall.

Friend: KATE! Come to the bathroom with me so I can talk to you!

___________

Friend: Hey, Julie Burton?

Me: You can call me Julie.

Friend: No, everyone calls you Julie Burton and I like the sound of that better.

___________

I was watching two kids from Kate’s class one morning.

Friend 1: Why do you always sit by Kate?

Friend 2: Because everyone wants to sit by me.

___________

I was driving my niece in the car. I heard a fart noise from her mouth.

Me: What was that?

Gabby: (fart noise) Not me!

Me: Where did you learn that?

Gabby: Your turn!

___________

Kid: Mommy, will you cheer for me in the stands when I’m older?

Mom: Cheer for you? What will you be doing?

Kid: When I’m a bull rider, mommy.

Mom: I will cheer for you, son.

___________

ohemmaohkate

Is your kid hilarious? Of course, they are!

If you have any kid sayings that you would like to see here, please email me at: jbugbytes@gmail.com

Your child’s name will be kept anonymous.

12 thoughts on “Oh Emma, Oh Kate.

  1. Ha! Looks like you have created some SNAP little monsters. LOL. These are great Emma and Kate classics, thanks for sharing. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your beautiful family, Julie! Feliz Navidad! 🙂

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