If you prank me, I’m going to get you back. My revenge will fail miserably and end up in a blog post.
There’s a kid around here wearing plaid and singing E-I-E-I-O on the old-new bench his parent brought home.
Me: Scott, did you put a bench in my trunk?
Scott: A bench? That sounds familiar. Maybe.
Me: Well, it would have been yesterday. It was within the last day.
Scott: What do you mean a bench?
Me: A bench. A child’s bench. Kinda rustic, Old MacDonald E-I-E-I-O looking.
Me: Well, being the good samaritan I am, I took some of your old shirts to Goodwill tonight. When I opened my trunk, a bench was in there. Go look at it.
Scott: No. Where did this come from?
Me: I told you. I. Don’t. Know!
Scott: Text your mom.
Me: Why would my mom and dad put it in my trunk? They would put it in my house or garage if they thought I wanted it.
Text message to mom: Did you or dad put a bench in my trunk?
Mom: Nope. So you leave your car unlocked?
Me: There is a random bench in the back of my car. I always keep my car in the garage.
Mom: When was your car unattended?
Me: Never. I know there was nothing in my trunk yesterday afternoon because I opened my trunk with my neighbor to see if these shutters would fit in my car. There was nothing in my trunk. Then tonight I open my trunk to fill it with Goodwill stuff and there’s a freakin’ bench in it.
Mom: Sounds like a Jayhawker.
Me: Scott, it wasn’t my mom or dad. I think I believe her. I’m so confused and freaked out right now. Was our garage open last night?
Scott: No. Text your girlfriends.
Me: Why would any of my friends do that? It’s not even that funny. I can’t ask everyone if they put a bench in my trunk. It’s starting to sound dirty after repeating this in my head. “Did you put a bench in my trunk? And not that trunk.”
Scott: We’re going to find out who did this. Text them.
Text message to Heather: Did you put a bench in my trunk?
Heather: Um, no. I’m still working on finding you some chairs.
Me: Oh, ok. There’s a bench in my trunk.
Me: Ok, it wasn’t Heather.
Scott: Didn’t you watch the game at Jeff and Theresa’s this weekend?
Scott: Well, are you sure you didn’t get drunk and take a bench home?
Me: WHAT?! Uh, one – this appeared within the last 24 hours. Not from the weekend. I know my trunk was empty yesterday afternoon. I opened it with Christine to see if these shutters would fit inside. And, two – yes, I had a few cocktails since my soul was crushed by the K-State loss. But I know, I KNOW, that drunk me would never take a kid’s bench home.
Scott: Text Theresa.
Me: No! I’m not asking Theresa if I drunk stole a bench from their house. You text Jeff.
Scott: Text Christine.
Text message to Christine: Did you put a bench in my trunk?
Me: Christine’s not answering. I was with her all afternoon. She would have told me she put a bench in my trunk.
Scott: Ok. Someone had access to your car at some point in the last 24 hours. Think.
Me: Kid’s bench…it has to be trash? …….Oh. Oh no. Surely, she wouldn’t do this. Why would she do this?
Text message to Carmen: Did you put a bench in my trunk?
Carmen: Well, I didn’t but…
Me: IT WAS YOU!
Carmen: It wasn’t me. It was Keith. And actually, we completely forgot about it until now. He wanted to see how long it would take for you to find it.
Me: Do you know how many people I asked if they put a bench in my trunk?
Carmen: We’re dying laughing…
Me: I asked my mom! She told me to stop leaving my car unlocked! Scott accused me of drunk stealing a bench from Jeff and Theresa’s! I texted Heather, asking if she put a bench in my trunk! I still haven’t heard from Christine. I asked her if she put a bench in my trunk too. Jesus.
Carmen: Dying. Keith can’t breathe. It’s trash. You can throw it away.
Me: When did he do this?
Carmen: He could have swore you saw him. You were in Christine’s house and he said you looked out the window and saw him.
Me: I remember looking out the window. But I was watching Doug take a wheelbarrow from your house. I am the most unobservant person ever. I never saw Keith near my car.
Carmen: It took him forever to load it. He thought he was caught.
Me: So I’ve been driving this thing around all day?
Text message to mom: It was a Sooner, not a Jayhawk. Neighbor played a prank.
Scott: What are you doing?
Me: Putting this bench front and center of our driveway. Keith and Carmen will have to drive by it before school in its full glory. Ha! Look at it! It’s hilarious!
Scott: Have you heard from Carmen yet?
Me: No. Hmmm…actually….I think they carpool in the mornings. They probably didn’t see it. I’ll leave it for when school gets out. I know Carmen will drive by. Maybe I’ll print a life size picture of Keith. I’ll make him sit on the bench and wave. I’ll do that tomorrow. I don’t have time today.
I picked up my kids from school and pulled in an empty driveway.
GONE. The bench was gone.
Text message to Carmen: Did you take the bench?
Me: I showcased the bench on my driveway for you and Keith. It’s GONE. Someone took it.
Me: You said it was trash. Someone else thought so too. They took it. I can’t stop laughing at this picture.
Me: I know! My next step was to print a real life-size picture of Keith. And make him wave to all the cars that pass by.
Carmen: No! I want the bench back!
Me: Me too!
To the plaid-wearing kid – have fun with the bench your mom has in her trunk.
It would have gone to Goodwill anyway. I’m glad the bench is getting better use than a life-size man sitting and waving at cars.
Have you ever been pranked? Did you seek revenge? Have you ever taken “trash” from a house without asking? What is the best prank you’ve seen?