Oh Emma, Oh Kate.

I was helping Kate with homework before school.

Me: Ok, now you have to draw a picture of yourself wearing a hat that is too big.

IMG_0205

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I passed a cemetery in the car.

Kate: Look at all those dead people! Good thing I’m not going in the ground when I die. I’m going to heaven, right mom?

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Kate: I know how to spell Royals.

Me: Tell me.

Kate: K and C.

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The girls were staying with my in-laws for a few days. I FaceTimed them one evening.

Me: Are you having fun at Nana’s?

Emma: Yeah! We went to the zoo today.

Me: Aw, cute! Let me talk to Kate too.

(Kate’s face shows up)

Kate: Bye mom. (hangs up)

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Emma: Mom, would you rather live in a mansion or a castle?

Me: Ooooo! Good question. Umm…I think maybe a castle.

Emma: Why?

Me: Because it would have a lot of history. I think it would be cool to live in a place where lots of people have lived.

Kate: Uh, but probably a lot of spider webs.

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I dropped off Kate at school. She gets out of the car and shuts door. She turns to wave at me.

Kate: (yelling through closed window) HEY! I don’t think I shut the door all the way! But I see my friends, bye! Shut the door for me! (Runs off)

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Kate: Hey! I like your toes

Me: Thanks! Isn’t that a pretty color?

Kate: Paint mine like that.

Me: I don’t have time right now.

Kate: Well, then don’t make me look at your toes.

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Nana: Kate, you need to finish your dinner. I wish I ate as much as you.

Kate: What did you say?

Nana: I said I wish I ate as much as you, I would be so little.

Kate: And cute?

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Kate: What happens at Nana’s, stays at Nana’s!

Me: Where did you hear that?

Kate: I made it up.

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Me: Kate, go pick up the play room.

Kate: When we go to Nana’s, she cleans for us.

Me: Yeah, well you’re with your mom now. Pick up.

Kate: I love it at Nana’s. When I’m done with a toy and I just drop it. Nana follows me and picks it up for me. I NEVER have to pick up there.

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I walked into the grocery store with Kate.

Me: Oh, I don’t need a cart, Kate. I just need two things.

Kate: Oh. I do. (pulls a cart away)

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Me: Did you let Jamie take a picture of you?

Kate: No.

Me: Then what is this?

IMG_0264

Kate: Emma dressed up in my clothes. Then she smiled for Jamie.

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Kate: I love homework!

Me: That’s good.

Kate: I won’t like it when I’m in Emma’s grade.

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Me: Kate, what number do you call in an emergency? If someone is very hurt or if there’s a fire, what number do you call?

Kate: I don’t know.

Me: 9…

Kate: 9-3-2.

Me: No, 9…1…

Kate: 9-1-2.

Me: I’M GOING TO DIE!

Kate: What?

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Kate: Ugh, just slice his head off with your sword.

Emma and Kate were playing a game on their iPod.

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I parked in front of the dry cleaners. The drop off is designed so you walk up and push the bag through the window.

Me: Stay here, Kate. I’m going to drop off this laundry.

Kate: Um, lock the doors. Don’t let anyone kidnap me.

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Kate: Trick or treat! Smell my feet! Give me something good to eat! Or I’m going to pull down your underwear! (Emma and Kate laughs)

Me: Where did you hear that?

(Emma walks out of the room.)

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Scott: Bug, will you walk on my back?

Me: No, I don’t like that.

Scott: The girls aren’t heavy enough. Just help me out.

Me: Ugh, ok. (walk on his back) AH! Scott, I hate this!

Kate: Walk on his head!

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Me: Kate, go find your iPod.

Kate: I don’t want to go downstairs. I’m scared of thunder.

Me: I thought you brought it up here?

Kate: I faked brought it up here.

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Kate: (laying in Scott’s arms) Ugh, what this big bump right here?

Scott: My bicep.

Kate: Oh. That’s too big.

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Emma said something funny and I got my phone out to write it down.

Emma: What are you doing?

Me: You said something funny and I wrote it down so I don’t forget.

Emma: Is that when you write about me and Kate on your computer?

Me: Yes.

Emma: I shall act normal now.

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Me: Kate, come here and tell me what you want for dinner.

Kate: I don’t want to go anywhere.

Me: No, I’m ordering from Schwans. I don’t like cooking. They bring food to your house so you don’t have to go anywhere or cook.

Kate: Oh. I don’t like the name Schwans.

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Me: Kate, you’re going to go home with Charley after school. You’re going to have a playdate at her house.

Kate: I will pack my suitcase.

Me: No, you’re not spending the night. Just playdate.

Kate: I still need a suitcase of toys.

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I was volunteering at the school. I could hear Kate inside her classroom while I did some work in the hallway.

Kate: (yelling) Hey look at this turtle’s eggs! Looks like he pooped! (laughs)

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Kate is learning about syllables. I was practicing with her.

Me: Let’s do the family names.

Kate: Ben. (clap) One.

Me: Yep.

Kate: Ash-ley. (clap clap) Two.

Me: Good job.

Kate: Ma-ar-ar-ark. (clap clap clap clap) Four.

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Special edition: Oh Kids.

We went to the pumpkin patch with another family. I was helping one of the boys find a pumpkin. He tripped and fell in the patch.

Me: Oh no! Are you ok?

Kid: I’m ok. Lots of trippies on this trail.

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Kid: I saw what you wrote on my mom’s facebook!

Me: Um…what?

Kid: You told my mom to have fun stomping around with the real wildcats!

Me: But she is! Africa has all kinds of wildcats!

Kid: But she could get eaten!

Me: Your daddy will protect her.

Kid: Yeah, well he got spit on by a cobra today.

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Kid: Mommy, I love you.

Mom: I love you more.

Kid: Yeah, probably.

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Kid: (hand on hip) Um, your son is not being very proactive.

Mom: What happened?

Kid: He said stupid. (stomps and walks off)

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Kid: Hey mom, when dad picks his nose how come he doesn’t eat it?

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Kid: Hey mom, is there a movie theatre where you don’t have to wear clothes?

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Is your kid hilarious? Of course, they are!

If you have any kid sayings that you would like to see here, please email me at: jbugbytes@gmail.com

Your child’s name will be kept anonymous.

ohemmaohkate

6 thoughts on “Oh Emma, Oh Kate.

  1. Oh, the stuff they say after time with the in-laws! My youngest likes to come home and say, “Some secrets are okay. Like Grandma’s. She gave me sugar all day and told me to let it be a surprise for Mommy.” Nice.

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