I was left with a mind-boggling question. I still don’t know the answer to it.
It is confirmed that I’m the lamest person on earth.
This question was brought to Scott and me by our good friends, Danny and Christine.
Danny and Christine are somewhere over the Atlantic right now. They have 15 hours left on a plane since their last text message was sent to us around dinner time.
They are flying to Johannesburg, South Africa. They are going on an African hunt trip. I told you we are good friends. What’s that saying? Birds of feather, flock together? Yeah, Scott wishes he was flocking with them on their 18 hour flight right now. Danny has his eyes on a baboon. Christine has her eyes on…well, I don’t know what Christine is doing there but I hope she takes a selfie with a lion.
One of our last conversations before they left –
“What would you do if you won the lottery? Not a few thousand dollars, but billions. Let’s say money is no longer a worry for you. You set aside money for the kids to live well. You set aside money for your families. How would you spoil yourself?”
I gave them a blank look.
Me: Oh. Um. Well, I have a laptop to write. I have books to read. I don’t have any other hobbies. Oh my gosh, who am I? Maybe start a publishing company?
Danny: You need a publisher? I know one.
Me: Oh! What? Well, really? That still doesn’t answer the question. Ummm…
I’ve been racking my brain. Am I human? Am I boring? Am I happy? Let me tell you, there has been some soul searching going on this weekend. I asked Scott again. Maybe he will find my answer.
Me: What did you say to Christine and Danny’s question? Buy hunting land?
Scott: I would buy hunting land in Kansas or Iowa as an investment.
Scott: And hunting purposes.
Me: If money didn’t matter, why would you need the investment?
Scott: The statistics show most lotto winners go bankrupt. I would have to prepare for that and make an investment. I would also buy you a house in the Keys.
Me: No, buying me a house is not a selfish reason. I’m talking about YOU. How would you spend money on just you.
Scott: Oh, ok. Hold on. Let me think…
Scott: What? Is this a trick question?
Me: Nope. Go ahead.
Scott: I would start my own business of some sort.
Me: Money doesn’t matter! You would go back to work?
Scott: I would get bored. Maybe I would open a sports bar in Aggieville.
Me: Do you want your daughters going to K-State when their dad owns a bar in Aggieville?
Scott: Hm, yeah that might end bad. I would get a new truck, all jacked up. I know! I would make a sick hunting lodge for all my friends to use. I would build one in Kansas, Iowa, Florida, New Mexico. I would buy up elk tags too.
Me: (rolling my eyes)
Scott: This is a trick question. What do you want me to get you?
Me: I don’t know! That’s what I’m trying to think of. Fishing boat?
Scott: Our friends have those. Why buy our own?
Me: To have our own crew? Hire a captain.
Scott: Nah, we can just bum off our friends.
Me: Hm. I’m out of ideas for me.
Scott: I would also get a motorcycle. And a boat.
Me: I just asked you if you would buy a boat!
Scott: No, like a lake fishing boat.
Me: Oh. Fresh water? Really? I’ll go fish in the Dominican with our friends while you sit on a lake in Kansas.
Scott: My house would have a 4 car garage and a tandem garage to the side.
Me: Whoa! You are just radiating testosterone right now, I think I’m growing a penis just sitting next to you.
Scott: I’d like to be a farmer.
Me: You mean to tell me if you were a billionaire, you would purchase land so you can farm it?
Scott: (laughing) You know, just have fun with a tractor on farm land.
Me: What? You would be a pretend farmer?
Scott: (laughing) This is a hard question!
Me: Well, I don’t know. You have quite the man-list here.
Scott: I told you! I would buy you a house in the Keys for you and all your girlfriends to hang out.
Me: Yeah, a house in the Keys would be cool but apparently I am already getting that from you. I would need a boat to fish from, nothing fancy. What is wrong with me? I don’t know how to spoil myself? I hate shopping. I do like to travel but buying a private jet is out because if a jet is going down, it’s always the small private jets. Nope.
Scott: You have serious problems.
Me: Wait, I got it! I would buy tickets to the Super Bowl every year. And every K-State game. College Football Championship tickets. Oh! And the World Series! There! There’s my answer – front row seats to every major sporting event. That’s how I would spoil myself. That’s a good answer, right? We would have fun!
Scott: You do know the Royals won’t play in every World Series.
Me: Yes, I know that, Scott. But I would still wear my Royals gear.
Scott: And my wife grew a penis.
Me: Take a selfie with a lion?
Scott: Oh, she’s back.
Your turn! How would you spoil yourself if you won billions of dollars? Be selfish. What are your hobbies? Would you still invest money if you didn’t have to worry about money anymore? If you had to fish with one of us – would you pick marlin fishing with me or bass fishing with Scott?