The Rules of Summer Fight Club:
- You do not talk about SUMMER FIGHT CLUB.
- You DO NOT showcase SUMMER FIGHT CLUB to your friends’ parents, the grocery store clerk, camp teachers, grandparents, runners passing your house, the car sitting next to you at a stoplight or anyone else you respect. Stretching out vowels in the form of whining is also considered “talking”.
- If your mother says “STOP” or if someone starts bleeding enough to require a blood transfusion, the fight is over. And I do mean gushing blood – google “Old Faithful.”
- Only two siblings to a fight. No pets or friends will be harmed in SUMMER FIGHT CLUB. Use who you have. Additional fighters will not be produced by your parents – no, really. Ask your mother. That factory has shut down.
- One fight at a time. Please, limit yourself to one fight an hour if you care about the sanity of your mother.
- No stabbings with sharpened pencils. No glitter thrown at eyes. No choking with scarves. No drownings. Use of any real weapons, such as a kitchen knife, will result in a lock down confinement for the rest of summer.
- Fights will go on as long as they have to. See rule 3.
- If this is your first time at SUMMER FIGHT CLUB, you have to fight. Congratulations! You passed this test 3 minutes and 47 seconds after the final school bell rang in May. That has to be come kind of record.
Can someone get your mother Brad Pitt? She’s going crazy.