Oh Emma, Oh Kate.

Kate: Why does the pool have chlorine in it?

Me: It cleans the pool.

Kate: But why can’t you see it?

Me: It’s a powder that is mixed in. It turns the pool clear. That means it’s clean.

Kate: But I can’t see the powder.

Emma: KATE. She’s not a lifeguard. Quit asking so many questions.

_____________

Emma: Is Michael Jackson really dead?

Me: Yes. He died when you were like two.

Emma: What?! So no more new songs?!?!

_____________

Me: Hi Kate.

Kate: Don’t talk to me. Then I’ll have to talk to you and it makes my throat hurt.

_____________

Kate brings me a piece of candy.

Kate: Can I have this?

Me: No. You didn’t eat breakfast.

Kate: But I love you.

Me: But it’s junk.

Kate: I said I love you, mom.

Me: I love you too.

Kate: Can I have one?

Me: No.

_____________

Kate: Uh, what scary song is this?

Kate: Uh, what scary song is this?

_____________

I woke up Kate early for a neighborhood camp.

Me: Wake up!

Kate: UGGGGHHHHH. I don’t like mornings.

Me: I don’t either but you have to wake up for camp.

Kate: But I can’t move very fast. UGGGGHHHH.

_____________

I was working on my laptop. I can hear Kate playing behind me, but cannot see her.

Kate: Up, up.

I hear our lab, Bailey, get up off the floor. Kate comes riding across the room on Bailey’s back.

Me: KATE! You going to hurt Bailey! Get off her!

Kate: Yee-haw! Wooooooo! Giddy up, Bailey! Mommy is getting mad!

_____________

Me: Hey girls! Get your shoes on! We’re going to Taylor’s graduation party.

Kate: Uh, Taylor Swifts?

Me: No, Taylor my cousin.

Kate: Her name sounds like Taylor Swift.

_____________

Me: Kate, did you floss?

Kate: Yes. Don’t you see my floss on the floor?

_____________

Kate: Mom, is there such thing as fairies?

Emma: Of course not, Kate. Well, just Tinkerbell and the tooth fairy.

Kate: I was asking MOM. Mom, is there such thing as fairies?

_____________

Kate: I found this toy at the pool yesterday.

Me: So you took it?

Kate: I found it.

Me: You took it.

Kate: FOUND IT.

Me: You need to return it back to the pool lost and found. That is not yours to take home.

Kate: I found it.

_____________

Kate: I think dogs like all kinds of food.

Me: Yep, they do.

Kate: Except cat food.

_____________

I burped really loud. It was impressive, really.

Kate: GENIUS, MOM! How do you make a burp that big?

_____________

Scott: Emma, talk nicely to your sister.

Emma: Dad, I just can’t. She talks too loud.

_____________

I was driving the girls somewhere in the car.

Kate: Are we driving in circles?

_____________

Emma and Kate had a friend over. The girls made a chain link countdown strip (to their vacations) from pieces of paper.

Emma: Look what we made!

Friend: Aren’t these cool!

Me: I love them!

Emma: You should pin this on Pinterest.

Friend: Yes! Pin it.

_____________

Kate: Is Eric Church dead?

Me: What?

Emma: Of course not, Kate. He’s like 20.

_____________

It was raining one day.

Me: Girls, let’s go to the library.

Emma: I don’t like the library.

Me: Why not? It’s one of my favorite places!

Emma: But you have to give the books back and I don’t like that.

_____________

Emma and Kate had a sleep over at their friend’s house. The girls woke up in the morning.

Friend: Mom, can we get donuts?

Christine: No. I told you I wasn’t getting donuts today.

Friend: (Goes upstairs then back down to her mom) Emma said she would settle for Ihop.

Christine: Ihop? Does her mother take her to Ihop? You tell Emma that I can make anything from Ihop.

Friend: (Goes upstairs then back down to her mom) Emma said she gets the chocolate chip pancakes and strawberry syrup.

Christine: Ok. Got it. Tell those girls to come down and help me make Ihop.

(The girls come down and help)

Emma: You have strawberry syrup?

Christine: Yes, I do.

(Christine pours homemade strawberry syrup on her pancakes)

Emma: Yep, that’s the stuff. Thank you.

_____________

We took the girls out to eat for brunch on Father’s Day. We were waiting on our check.

Kate: Let’s play a game. It’s called the “Do not move” game.

Me: Ok. Let’s play.

Kate: Here are the rules – you can’t move or blink or make a funny face.

Me: Ok, got it.

Kate: Ready, set, GO! And don’t breathe.

_____________

Special Edition: Oh Kids.

 

Me: What happened to Jesus, the roly poly?

Kid: He died.

Me: Oh, that’s sad. Was it an accident?

Kid: I killed him.

Me: Did you accidentally kill him?

Kid: Accidentally on purpose.

Me: Oh.

Kid: Jesus is a butterfly now. Hey! Get Jesus off the ceiling! Get him off! Get him off!

_____________

The boys and I were driving. They always point out the K-State and KU stuff on cars.

Kid 1: I see K-State!

Kid 2: I hate K-State!

Mom: Your dad and I met at K-State. You wouldn’t have been born if it wasn’t for K-State.

Kid 2: Yes, I would. I’d just have different parents and a different family.

Mom: ……….

_____________

Kid 1: Make me a picture.

Kid 2: (annoyed) I’ll make you one when we get to Grammy’s. It’s not like we don’t live in the same house.

_____________

Kid: Daddy, this chocolate milk is effing atrocious.

Dad: Hey, where did you hear that word? Do you even know what it means?

Kid: It means I like the chocolate milk, right?

Dad: Well, no. That part, atrocious, means you don’t like it. I meant the other word.

Kid: Oh, then this milk is effing delicious.

Dad: ……….

_____________

I was looking at an old black and white photo from the 70s with my 7-year-old.

Kid: Was that when life was before color?

Dad: Yes. It was easy to get dressed then.

_____________

 

 

Is your kid hilarious?

If you have any kid sayings that you would like to see here, please email me at: jbugbytes@gmail.com

Your child’s name will be kept anonymous.

 photo-27

 

 

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