Emma has my squinty eyes. Kate has Scott’s blonde hair.
Boom. Easy. Our genes went this way here and that way there.
Emma and Kate’s temperaments – ah, now that’s tricky. All it took was a trip to Lego Land for Scott and me to see our personalities in a 7 year old and 4 year old’s body.
“That’s your kid. You discipline her.”
Kate is totally being talked about by the Lego Land employees. But I mean, all that matters is that the kids are happy, right?
Employee: I’m sorry, ma’am. But these coupons are for the Aquarium, not Lego Land.
Me: What? It says Lego Land right here?
Employee: You need the other half of the coupon. They misprinted them. See the small print on the back here? Lego Land got printed on the Aquarium coupons and vice versa. Do you have the other half of the coupon?
Me: It’s in the car.
Scott: Damnit. I’ll get them. I’ll be right back.
I stepped out of line with the kids. Emma and Kate looked at the fish swimming along the walls. Kate climbed up on top of a fake rock to get a better look.
Employee: Oh! Miss! You can’t climb up on that rock!
Me: Kate. Get down fr… ah!
Kate turned around on the rock. She made a V with her fingers. She placed the V on her face so they are positioned under her eyes. She snapped her hand away and pointed directly at the employee. She stepped off the rock and looked at the fish from ground level.
Scott walked back in. We paid and walked into Lego Land. An employee asked us to stand in front of a green screen for a picture.
Me: Ugh, I’m in my workout clothes.
Scott: Just take the picture for the old man. We won’t buy it.
Kate: I’m not smiling!
Me: Shhh. Fine. Don’t smile.
Scott, Emma and I smiled. Kate glared.
We walked into an elevator that took us up to another level. The doors opened to a man welcoming us to Lego Land. He started explaining how Legos are made.
Me: (whispering) Scott. You won’t believe what Kate did. She…
Employee: Who is the oldest kid here? You! (pointed to Emma, because she is the tallest) Come here and pull this lever.
Emma followed his instructions. She went along with the skit and received a souvenir for helping. We continued on to the next room. We waited in line for a ride.
Me: So anyway, about Kate. She climbed up on a rock at the front while you were getting the coupons. The employee asked her to get down. She turns around, does her V point to her eyes then snaps her finger to point at the employee.
Scott: SHE WHAT?!
Employee: How many is in your party?
Employee: Ok, next car. Two and two.
I grabbed Emma’s hand and Scott grabbed Kate’s hand. We rode a point-and-shoot ride. We each got a gun to shoot targets for points. Scott scored the highest. Kate got 2nd highest because she probably practices sniping in her sleep. The ride ended. Emma and I hopped out of the car. Scott followed us with Kate.
Scott: Bug. Do you see my contact anywhere?
Me: No. I don’t see it. Our car thing is right there. Do you want me to have the employee stop and look?
Scott: No, I have more at home. I’ll manage until we get home. Not a big deal.
We walked to the picture kiosk. Our picture was taken on the ride and displayed on the TV screen. All four of us have our guns up and aimed. Scott, Emma and I had intense faces. Kate is smiling.
Me: (whispering) That little brat. She’s smiling.
Scott: She is! I can’t see anything! I need a patch.
Employee: Would you like to buy it?
Me: Oh, no thank you.
We let the girls run loose in the rest of Lego Land.
Scott: What did you say to Kate after she did her V point to the employee?
Me: Uh, nothing.
Scott: NOTHING?! You need to discipline her! She should have apologized to the employee!
Me: But she got down. Apologize?! I pretended she wasn’t my kid! That employee made me mad. He knew we had the coupons. I know he can override that on his little computer. It’s not my fault they misprinted them. Who reads the fine print?
Scott: You and Kate are the EXACT SAME PERSON.
Kate: (standing in a cage above us) Hi mommy! Hi daddy!
Scott: (Puts one hand over an eye so he can see) Hi, Kate!
Me: Hi Kate! (make a V with my fingers and point at Kate) We are not the same person, Scott. Kate is some kind of hybrid of crazy. You know I’m not that crazy.
Scott: Oh, really?
Me: I smile for pictures, Scott. Kate is not me. Dude. It’s freezing in here. Hey, can you see my nipples through my shirt?
Scott: (Scott covers one eye with his hand) Ohhhh my goshhhh.
Me: I’ll just sit with my arms up. Ha! You’re the one that looks crazy with your hand over your eye.
Kate ran up to Scott and me. She stopped in front of us and crossed her arms. An employee walked up holding Emma’s hand.
Employee: We can’t have kids leaving the play area by themselves. The parent needs to be there to take them out. She took off. (points to Kate)
Scott: (closes one eye) Sorry about that. I’ll take them now.
The employee left.
Scott: KATE. You need to behave. Did you do your V point at an employee when we bought the tickets?
Kate scowled and scrunched her nose.
Me: Scott, don’t yell at her now. Hey, let’s go ride one more ride then we can go home. Ok, girls?
Emma: Ok! I want to ride with you, mommy!
Me: Ok. Kate, you ride with your dad.