Kate: Daddy, what’s your favorite movie?
Scott: Top Gun.
Kate: Is that a hunting show?
Me: Mmmm. You smell like grapes.
Kate: I farted.
Kate: How do babies get in your tummy?
Emma: Kate. They just do. Now shhhh.
Emma: What happens if I swallow my loose tooth?
Scott: You’ll be ok. I’m sure there are kids out there that have swallowed their tooth on accident.
Emma: But the tooth fairy doesn’t dig through poop.
I peeked my head in the playroom to check on Kate. She was holding a hula hoop and pushing our dog through it.
Kate: Jump, Belle! Pretend it’s fire!
I drove up to the school to pick up Emma. Kate has a middle school friend she chats with in the school parking lot.
Me: Katie won’t be in her mom’s car today. She has track.
Kate: What is track?
Me: She runs after school.
Kate: Who is she running from?
Kate: Ew, I spilled on my shirt! Get it, mom! Just wipe it on your shirt!
I was driving in the car with Kate.
Kate: (whispers) Dang, I’m good.
Me: You’re good? Are you playing a game on my phone?
Kate: Yes and now you made me die.
I was at Starbucks with Kate. I went inside to order instead of the drive-thru.
Barista: That will be $5.34
Kate: (mumbles something)
Me: (Slide my credit card) Thank you! Ok, Kate. What did you say? I didn’t hear you.
Kate: (yelling) I SAID! MY BUTT ITCHES! YOU DIDN’T WIPE IT VERY GOOD!
Entire store: (stares)
I was driving in the car with Kate. I stopped changing radio stations when I heard a good song.
Kate: Uh, you think I like this song?
Kate: Why are daddies always warm?
My niece, Gabby, was at our house.
Emma: Gabby, can I have a crayon?
Gabby: (hands her a red crayon) Rojo.
Emma: Yes, that’s rojo. But I already colored azul on my paper. Rojo and azul make KU colors, Gabby. Will you hand me another crayon?
Kate: Daddy, I can paint your nails if you want me to. I have all your favorite colors.
Me: Kate, I need to trim your nails.
Kate: No, I don’t like that. It feels weird when I scratch people.
Kate: No one wants to be alone. Right, mom?
Me: Where did you hear that?
Kate: Can I be Elsa for Halloween?
Me: I don’t care. Remember last year when you didn’t dress up for Halloween?
Kate: Mom! We went trick or treating when it was light out! I didn’t know it was Halloween! You should have told me!
Scott’s family was in town. We went out to eat. We were playing the game “telephone” to keep the kids entertained – where you whisper a code word around the table and see if it’s the same word as it started.
Papa: (whispers) New England Clam Chowder.
Me: (whispers) New England Clam Chowder.
Scott: (whispers) New England Clam Chowder.
We passed 4 deer while driving out of our neighborhood.
Emma: Pow! Pow! Pow!
Kate and I walked by a fountain.
Kate: Why is there money in there?
Me: People like to make a wish and they throw a coin in for it to come true.
Kate: Can I make a wish?
Me: Yep. Here you go. (Hand her a coin)
Kate: I wish for there to be no more Christmases.
Me: What did you say? Did you wish no more Christmases?
Kate: (giggling) Yes.
Me: That’s a horrible wish, Kate!
Kate: I already threw it.
Me: Kate made a wish at the fountain and she wished for no more Christmases.
Nana: Kate! Why would you wish that? What about all those presents you got?
Kate: My birthday is coming up.
Me: Scott, Kate made a wish at a fountain today and she wished for no more Christmases.
Scott: Are you serious? Kate! Why would you wish for that?
Kate: Because it’s cold and snow gets in my shoes.
** I debated whether to add this one. Sometimes I can’t tell if I go too far on my blog. Scott said I’m ok. You’re welcome.
Me: Kate, get undressed. I started your bath water.
Kate: (Pulls out a small wad of toilet paper from inside her pants and drops it on the floor.)
Me: What was that?
Kate: I put white things up my butt like you do.
Me: (stares) What.
Kate: You put those white things up your butt.
Me: Oh my gosh. OH MY GOSH. Kate. Ok, one – I don’t put the white things up my butt. It’s my vagina. And two – no. Kate. Little girls don’t do that. Don’t do that anymore, ok?
Kate: Ok. Sometimes when I put toilet paper up my butt it feels weird.
Me: Oh my gosh. Where is your father. (I texted Scott our conversation)
Scott’s text: I’m never coming down from this tree stand.