Oh Emma, Oh Kate.

Kate: Daddy, what’s your favorite movie?

Scott: Top Gun.

Kate: Is that a hunting show?

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Me: Mmmm. You smell like grapes.

Kate: I farted.

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Kate: How do babies get in your tummy?

Me: Uhhhhh.

Emma: Kate. They just do. Now shhhh.

_____________

Emma: What happens if I swallow my loose tooth?

Scott: You’ll be ok. I’m sure there are kids out there that have swallowed their tooth on accident.

Emma: But the tooth fairy doesn’t dig through poop.

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I peeked my head in the playroom to check on Kate. She was holding a hula hoop and pushing our dog through it.

Kate: Jump, Belle! Pretend it’s fire!

_____________

I drove up to the school to pick up Emma. Kate has a middle school friend she chats with in the school parking lot.

Me: Katie won’t be in her mom’s car today. She has track.

Kate: What is track?

Me: She runs after school.

Kate: Who is she running from?

_____________

Kate: Ew, I spilled on my shirt! Get it, mom! Just wipe it on your shirt!

_____________

I was driving in the car with Kate.

Kate: (whispers) Dang, I’m good.

Me: You’re good? Are you playing a game on my phone?

Kate: Yes and now you made me die.

_____________

I was at Starbucks with Kate. I went inside to order instead of the drive-thru.

Barista: That will be $5.34

Kate: (mumbles something)

Me: (Slide my credit card) Thank you! Ok, Kate. What did you say? I didn’t hear you.

Kate: (yelling) I SAID! MY BUTT ITCHES! YOU DIDN’T WIPE IT VERY GOOD!

Entire store: (stares)

_____________

I was driving in the car with Kate. I stopped changing radio stations when I heard a good song.

Kate: Uh, you think I like this song?

_____________

Kate: Why are daddies always warm?

_____________

My niece, Gabby, was at our house.

Emma: Gabby, can I have a crayon?

Gabby: (hands her a red crayon) Rojo.

Emma: Yes, that’s rojo. But I already colored azul on my paper. Rojo and azul make KU colors, Gabby. Will you hand me another crayon?

_____________

Kate: Daddy, I can paint your nails if you want me to. I have all your favorite colors.

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Me: Kate, I need to trim your nails.

Kate: No, I don’t like that. It feels weird when I scratch people.

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Kate: No one wants to be alone. Right, mom?

Me: Where did you hear that?

Kate: Frozen.

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Kate: Can I be Elsa for Halloween?

Me: I don’t care. Remember last year when you didn’t dress up for Halloween?

Kate: Mom! We went trick or treating when it was light out! I didn’t know it was Halloween! You should have told me!

_____________

Scott’s family was in town. We went out to eat. We were playing the game “telephone” to keep the kids entertained – where you whisper a code word around the table and see if it’s the same word as it started.

Papa: (whispers) New England Clam Chowder.

Me: (whispers) New England Clam Chowder.

Scott: (whispers) New England Clam Chowder.

Kate: No.

_____________

Me: Ah! Kate: Do you like my boobies?

Me: Ah!
Kate: Take a picture of them.

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We passed 4 deer while driving out of our neighborhood.

Kate: Awwww!

Emma: Pow! Pow! Pow!

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Kate and I walked by a fountain.

Kate: Why is there money in there?

Me: People like to make a wish and they throw a coin in for it to come true.

Kate: Can I make a wish?

Me: Yep. Here you go. (Hand her a coin)

Kate: I wish for there to be no more Christmases.

Me: What did you say? Did you wish no more Christmases?

Kate: (giggling) Yes.

Me: That’s a horrible wish, Kate!

Kate: I already threw it.

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Me: Kate made a wish at the fountain and she wished for no more Christmases.

Nana: Kate! Why would you wish that? What about all those presents you got?

Kate: My birthday is coming up.

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Me: Scott, Kate made a wish at a fountain today and she wished for no more Christmases.

Scott: Are you serious? Kate! Why would you wish for that?

Kate: Because it’s cold and snow gets in my shoes.

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** I debated whether to add this one. Sometimes I can’t tell if I go too far on my blog. Scott said I’m ok. You’re welcome.

Me: Kate, get undressed. I started your bath water.

Kate: (Pulls out a small wad of toilet paper from inside her pants and drops it on the floor.)

Me: What was that?

Kate: I put white things up my butt like you do.

Me: (stares) What.

Kate: You put those white things up your butt.

Me: Oh my gosh. OH MY GOSH. Kate. Ok, one – I don’t put the white things up my butt. It’s my vagina. And two – no. Kate. Little girls don’t do that. Don’t do that anymore, ok?

Kate: Ok. Sometimes when I put toilet paper up my butt it feels weird.

Me: Oh my gosh. Where is your father. (I texted Scott our conversation)

Scott’s text: I’m never coming down from this tree stand.

23 thoughts on “Oh Emma, Oh Kate.

  1. HA, Julie! I am so glad your husband gave you the ok to share that last one. What other form of entertainment would we have if it weren’t for your, Oh Emma Oh Kate conversations! Especially on a Monday. 🙂

    Like

    • Julie says:

      That kid. Sends her daddy running for a tree stand. I wonder where she’ll send me by the time she’s 16. I need to start closing the bathroom door. Lol

      Like

      • My advice (should you wish to accept it), is to hold on to your sense of humor for dear life and let it guide you and protect you as she reaches her teen years. Oh, and PRAY (says a mother of an 18 year-old ‘Kate-Like’ daughter.) Praying is good.

        Like

      • Julie says:

        I need all the advice I can get. Especially from the moms of “Kate’s” in the world. Humor and praying. Got it.

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  2. 2 things:

    #1 – I’m impressed with how quickly Kate came up with one of the least popular wishes I’ve ever heard of.

    #2 – I feel like we just became closer…I don’t know if I’m happy about that or not…but it happened.

    Like

    • Julie says:

      I know!! She just flips the coin up and yells “I wish no more Christmases!” What? It’s April. Who is thinking about Christmas?? And she had about 3 seconds to think about what she was going to wish for when I dug for a coin.

      Like

      • dusterbed says:

        No way! I’d keep it open. It will instil an open-door policy for both Emma and Kate! That way they won’t be shy the next time they are shoving something where the sun don’t shine 😉 I figure it’s better to know everything, as a mom ❤

        Like

      • Julie says:

        I feel the same way. This is why I still take showers and get dressed even if they’re in my presence. We’re a naked house. Ha! I’m just worried about school. Kate will have the whole class shoving toilet paper up their butts.

        Like

      • dusterbed says:

        LOL honesty is the best policy… It’s kind of good that Kate was totally ok telling you about the toilet paper. At least you knew and could explain it to her. HA

        Like

  3. Hahahaha! Oh my gosh, the whole time I was trying to think of some to remember as favorites (the cell phone game, Frozen) but that last one just did me in. That’s HILARIOUS and wow… it must really be true that you never get to go in the bathroom alone after you have kids?!

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