I have secrets. I am going to tell you one.
I debated skipping this week on Play-at-home Blogger Idol: tell a secret your readers don’t know about you. No word limit. Include pictures.
Everyone wants to hear a good secret. Secrets can be small white-lies to completely world shattering news. The moment someone says they have a secret, the listener cannot deny to let them continue on. Secrets aren’t always bad either; sometimes they are good. Maybe there’s a mom out there that knows she’s pregnant. That’s a good secret.
No, I’m not pregnant.
I had a hard time coming up with a secret to write about. I nagged Scott to think of something about me that my readers don’t know. Scott knows everything. He couldn’t come up with anything worthy of a simple blog post. I got desperate: I googled “secrets.” Yeah, I know.
Asking Scott and the Internet didn’t help. I am the only one that knows me.
So here’s my secret: I question whether I should make this blog private.
Maybe it’s not so much of a secret. It’s just something I have never admitted openly.
Blogging freaks me out. Every time I hit that publish button, my stats rise. My heart races. I stomach flips at the email dings on my phone notifying me of new comments. My body gets ready for an attack of negative comments. I know this stems from Emma got in trouble at school. I haven’t really gotten over the criticism from that post.
It’s rare if I get a negative comment now.
Do people judge me for using my kids’ real names? And pictures? Am I a terrible mom for publicly writing about my kids? My kids know I write about them. But how long will they let me? Are people just reading to be nosy? All of these questions could be asked to any parent who include their kids on any social media. Scott tells me I probably have stalkers. But I mean, really, a good stalker would know Scott is a master sniper from a tree stand. You’d be a fool to stalk us.
I’m amazed to read my blog from the beginning. The writing goes from horrible to decent to friends telling me,
“What?!! YAY!! I made a Julie blog!”
Complete strangers have approached me around town. Don’t worry – my town is apparently very small. They all tell me how much they love my blog. It encourages me to keep writing for them. Friends will tell me they drop everything when they see a new post go up. I love hearing from people that they love to read my words. You couldn’t give me a bigger compliment. I see my stats continue to rise. My subscribers, my Twitter followers, my Facebook followers all continue to go up. It’s exciting and scary at the same time.
But I get frustrated with the Julie blog. I don’t care how many readers I have – give me a few hours reading other blogs and I will put myself in my place. This blog is not that great, people. I compare myself with other very talented writers. I want to write like them. Be funny like them. Stalk them.
Writing is an art form. Artists go insane, right? I believe this is the point where I go insane with my masterpiece. I question every single word. I am constantly editing. I can’t stop writing at night. I can’t stop reading other blogs.
The Internet is scary. It can be discouraging to a writer. People get brave with typing insults. I don’t know one child that hasn’t been on the Internet in some form. But the Internet is not always bad. It’s a place where creativity can be taught – uh, Pinterest. You can meet someone from across the world just sitting at your desk. The Internet is a place to turn for laughs about a little family in Kansas.
Why are you even reading this??? Oh, sorry – there’s the insane coming out.
So there’s my secret, readers. Little did you know it is about you.