A Secret.

I have secrets. I am going to tell you one.

I debated skipping this week on Play-at-home Blogger Idol: tell a secret your readers don’t know about you. No word limit. Include pictures.

Everyone wants to hear a good secret. Secrets can be small white-lies to completely world shattering news. The moment someone says they have a secret, the listener cannot deny to let them continue on. Secrets aren’t always bad either; sometimes they are good. Maybe there’s a mom out there that knows she’s pregnant. That’s a good secret.

No, I’m not pregnant.

I had a hard time coming up with a secret to write about. I nagged Scott to think of something about me that my readers don’t know. Scott knows everything. He couldn’t come up with anything worthy of a simple blog post. I got desperate: I googled “secrets.” Yeah, I know.

Asking Scott and the Internet didn’t help. I am the only one that knows me.

So here’s my secret: I question whether I should make this blog private.

Maybe it’s not so much of a secret. It’s just something I have never admitted openly.

Blogging freaks me out. Every time I hit that publish button, my stats rise. My heart races. I stomach flips at the email dings on my phone notifying me of new comments. My body gets ready for an attack of negative comments. I know this stems from Emma got in trouble at school. I haven’t really gotten over the criticism from that post.

It’s rare if I get a negative comment now.

That scary blue button. Lame picture but I'm a rule follower, damnit.

There is that scary blue button. Lame picture but I’m a rule follower, damnit.

Do people judge me for using my kids’ real names? And pictures? Am I a terrible mom for publicly writing about my kids? My kids know I write about them. But how long will they let me? Are people just reading to be nosy? All of these questions could be asked to any parent who include their kids on any social media. Scott tells me I probably have stalkers. But I mean, really, a good stalker would know Scott is a master sniper from a tree stand. You’d be a fool to stalk us.

I’m amazed to read my blog from the beginning. The writing goes from horrible to decent to friends telling me,

“What?!! YAY!! I made a Julie blog!”

Complete strangers have approached me around town. Don’t worry – my town is apparently very small. They all tell me how much they love my blog. It encourages me to keep writing for them. Friends will tell me they drop everything when they see a new post go up. I love hearing from people that they love to read my words. You couldn’t give me a bigger compliment. I see my stats continue to rise. My subscribers, my Twitter followers, my Facebook followers all continue to go up. It’s exciting and scary at the same time.

But I get frustrated with the Julie blog. I don’t care how many readers I have – give me a few hours reading other blogs and I will put myself in my place. This blog is not that great, people. I compare myself with other very talented writers. I want to write like them. Be funny like them. Stalk them.

Writing is an art form. Artists go insane, right? I believe this is the point where I go insane with my masterpiece. I question every single word. I am constantly editing. I can’t stop writing at night. I can’t stop reading other blogs.

The Internet is scary. It can be discouraging to a writer. People get brave with typing insults. I don’t know one child that hasn’t been on the Internet in some form. But the Internet is not always bad. It’s a place where creativity can be taught – uh, Pinterest. You can meet someone from across the world just sitting at your desk. The Internet is a place to turn for laughs about a little family in Kansas.

Why are you even reading this??? Oh, sorry – there’s the insane coming out.

So there’s my secret, readers. Little did you know it is about you.

33 thoughts on “A Secret.

  1. KatieKSU says:

    Ok, for reals, I have stalked you since the infamous post and now you ponder privacy? Please say it isn’t so. I search for you every time we venture to Noodles! Love this post as much as dooce.com!

    Like

    • ksujulie says:

      We are there a lot!! Emma loves the mac and cheese! I’m not worried about privacy personally. I’m more worried about how much privacy my kids will want in the future.
      Dooce.com? Ah! Stop. 🙂

      Like

  2. I’ve read since the infamous post as well. The thought of having kids someday has always freaked me out a little, but I read your posts and say, ‘look, kids are funny and not so scary!’. Plus, you have an awesome humorous writing style and I’m secretly jealous.

    Like

    • ksujulie says:

      Thank you! Don’t freak out – kids are very funny. It’s always easier when it’s your own kid too. The scary part with kids is just the lack of sleep they put you through. Ha

      Like

  3. I had to go see why Emma got in trouble at school… you’ll have to read my comment because I can soooo see that happening to my daughter in the near future!

    I’m glad your blog isn’t private. I’m not great about reading blogs these days, but if I don’t get my fill of Emma and Kate and the hilarious things they say, as well as the occasional nightie wearing deer, then life is just not worth living… right? 😉

    Like

    • ksujulie says:

      Ok, I read your comment – I’m glad you told me to read it because I try to avoid that post.
      Iowa State fans, huh? We have a lot of Iowa State friends 🙂
      Thanks for being a loyal reader to the words that come from Emma and Kate’s mouths. Ha! 🙂

      Like

  4. I completely understand where you are coming from, but I am glad your blog isn’t private. I think you are awesome! Earlier this year, I found out I had a new audience reading my blog and I freaked – and stopped writing. A few weeks ago, a wonderful friend of mine said, “Can I help you get writing again? I miss your blog!” and that little push was all I needed. Keep writing. Keep being you. And forget about the trolls out there. That is why there is a trash button!

    Like

    • ksujulie says:

      Thank you! So glad others feel like this. I have encouraged others to keep writing too. I feel left out when my fav bloggers stop posting!!

      Like

  5. Kirsten says:

    Julie, I started reading your blog after the Emma got in trouble post as well. As a diehard Pittsburgh Steeler and Penn State fan I can totally relate to your family’s love of KSU. I also have a secret… I have never envisioned myself being a mother and I married a man who wanted to be a father. I was open about my feelings before we got married. After reading your hilarious blog about your normal life with your family my mind began to wonder… Could I do this parent thing? Your blog is real unlike many of the other “mommy blogs” that make me want to barf. Thank you for writing about the real world that middle America lives in. My husband and I will be trying to become parents in 2014 in a small part thanks to your openness. Thank you for sharing with friends, family and strangers who enjoy farting!

    Like

    • ksujulie says:

      OH. MYGOSH. I’m standing in my kitchen, hand over mouth, tearing up.

      And trying to type with one thumb.

      Thank you so much for letting me know this. I can see numbers of people reading my blog but I don’t know who they are or why they are reading. I don’t even know what to say. You and your husband will be GREAT parents if you are already open about farting 🙂

      Please, don’t hate me during the 4 am feedings. Lol

      Like

      • Kirsten says:

        Thanks for the nice response. If you do decide to go private please send me an invite so I can continue to be inspired by you and your family.

        Like

  6. I feel exactly the same way you do! I express myself with the written word and am not very private. The only reason I must remain somewhat private is to protect my husband’s high profile job. 🙂 My kids are 19 and 17 and know I have a blog and know I write about them but fortunately, they don’t mind/care. I don’t think they have ever read any of my posts except for maybe the two that were published in the local paper. 🙂 I enjoy your blog very much so keep writing! 🙂

    Like

    • ksujulie says:

      It makes me wonder if my kids won’t care either. From the moment they were born, all they know is the Internet. Maybe this generation of parents are freaking out more than the kids. I don’t know.
      And why am I not following you? I just did. Lol.
      Thank you for reading!

      Like

  7. Aggie says:

    I’ve also been following your blog since Emma got in trouble at school (ridiculous that she got in trouble in my opinion for showing school spirit, I hope my future kids will show the same loyalty to UCLA). Your words have been such an inspiration and it’s something I look forward to each week. I’ve been caring for a terminally ill family member for the past few years and your blog has provided a great escape to the joy and laughter of your family. I fully understand why you would want to take your blog private if your children ask, but know that you’re already a huge part in many of our lives and we all appreciate your vulnerable and humorous posts. 🙂

    Like

  8. I’ve only been reading your blog a very short time, (Don sent me here) but it’s one of my favourites! My kids are 20 and 25 and your blog takes me back to when they were little. I understand your conundrum over going private, but I hope you won’t. And if you do, I hope I get an invitation. 🙂

    Like

    • ksujulie says:

      Thank you so much for reading! I won’t go private unless Emma and Kate want me to. They don’t mind that I write about them now. They know I’m happy when I’m at my laptop writing.

      Like

  9. dusterbed says:

    What makes you a good mom is that you DO worry about these things… Also, worrying about your content makes you a good blogger! And you ARE a fantastic writer. Keep reading other blogs, because you never know where inspiration comes from – or you might see something that will make your next post that much better 🙂 Stalkers beware – Scott will take you out! And Julie’s fans will be quick to follow!

    Like

    • ksujulie says:

      You’re totally one of my favorite bloggers!! I love your blog and so jealous of your writing style!!
      And YES Scott will take out stalkers. It’s comforting to know Canada has his back. 🙂 Lol

      Like

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