Oh Emma, Oh Kate.

Emma: What are you writing about?

Me: The funny things you and Kate say. People read them on my website.

Emma: Who?

Me: Oh, lots of people. Almost everyone we know. And lots of people I don’t know. But they like reading about you and Kate, especially the funny things you say.

Emma: Oh. Well, here’s something you can write down for the people: Tell them I said my mom farts a lot.


I was helping Kate put her shoes on before school.

Kate: (whispers) These are my fast shoes. I’m faster than the boys.


Me: Girls, who is your favorite singer?

Emma: Miranda Lambert!

Kate: Taylor Swift!

Emma: Mom, she’s lying. Kate just says Taylor Swift because she just learned Taylor Swift’s name. Anytime she figures out who someone is then that is her favorite.


I was going through Emma’s homework. She drew pictures of food in each food group. In the “protein” group, she drew a cup with a straw.

Me: Emma, why did you draw a drink in the protein group? Protein is usually meat.

Emma: Mom! It’s a protein shake!


I was putting Emma’s zombie makeup on before school.

Emma: Zombies aren’t real, mom. They just, like, come up from the grave after they died.


Me: Kate, your eyes look tired.

Kate: But I can’t see my eyes.


Kate: ARRRGGGGGGGGGGG (most miserable whiney noise. She was rolling on carpet)

Scott: What are you whining about?


Scott: (to me) That’s your daughter.


Emma: How old do you have to be to hunt?

Scott: Well, I don’t think there’s a law for that. It just depends on how mature a kid is. They also have to be with their parent.

Kate: Daddy, how old are you?

Scott: 32.

Kate: You have to be 32, Emma.


Scott: Girls, look at all the beautiful trees.

Me: The colors are so pretty!

Emma: They’re just leaves, you guys.

Scott: Oh great, we’ve reached old people status.


Me: Kate, go play with your dad.

Kate: But he’s making me a boy.


I took the girls out for ice cream. The ice cream store was full of people, but it was quiet. We find a table and sit down. Kate stands back up.

Kate: UGH! MY BUTT ITCHES! GO GET ME SOME TOILET PAPER! (crams her hands down her pants)


I was making breakfast for the girls before they went to school. Scott walks in kitchen.

Kate: Daddy, why doesn’t mommy talk in the mornings?


I took the dogs to the vet for shots. I let Kate go into the reception area while I was in the exam room. She wanted to look at the kittens for sale. The kittens were in a cage.

Kate: (runs back into exam room) Mommy! Mommy! Do I have a mark on my face?

Me: It’s a little red. What happened?

Kate: (laughing) Oh. If you put your face really close to the kittens they will take their paw and scratch your face. Watch!


Kate: Will you pause the TV? I gotta go to the bathroom.

Me: It’s a commercial, just go. I don’t need to pause it.

Kate: No, I’m looking for Christmas presents! Pause it!


Scott: This is my favorite time of year! I love the deer rut!

Emma: What is a deer rut?

Me: Yes. Please, Scott. Tell them what the rut is.

Scott: Uh…well. It’s when the boy deer chase their girlfriends around.

Emma: Why do they chase them?

Me: Go on, Scott.

Scott: Because they want to marry their girlfriends. And then they’ll have babies.

Kate: They just make babies. Deer don’t get married.


Me: What should Aunt JJ and Uncle Scott name their baby girl?

Kate: KATE!

Emma: Ugh. Don’t make another Kate.


It was 7 am and I was still sleeping. Kate busts in our room and puts her face in my face.

Kate: You have 15 minutes to get up and make me chocolate milk.


I was doing laundry.

Kate: What are you doing?

Me: Laundry. But I’m trying to hurry because we have to leave to pick up Emma from school.

Kate: (runs off then appears again) I check the clock, mommy. We have time. It’s ninety forty one twenty.


Me: Kate, what should I put on your Christmas wish list?

Kate: For like the real Christmas?


Kate: I found a bow. It’s Gabby’s (cousin).

Me: How do you know it’s Gabby’s?

Kate: It smells like her head. Smell it.


I was driving in the car with the girls. We passed a skunk smell.


Me: Ugh, skunk.

Kate: Why does a skunk stink?

Emma: They have a powerful fart, Kate.


Kate: What’s that right there? (Points to a scar I have in between my upper lip and nose)

Me: It’s a scar.

Emma: Her and Aunt JJ were fighting when they were little. Aunt JJ bit mommy there and now there’s a scar.

Kate: Uh, didn’t you have a mom?


"Look mom, I'm just like the coat!"
“Look mom, I’m just like the coat!”


Me: Emma, if anyone at your school asks you if you have a Veteran in the family, you can tell them about Great Grandpa. Daddy’s grandpa. He was in the Navy.

Emma: What is the Navy?

Me: Navy is water. He fought for our country under water, in a submarine!

Emma: Who did he fight?

Me: Anyone attacking our country in the water. He protected our country.

Emma: Did the bad guys attack the animals? Like what about all the dolphins and whales? And fish! Did Grandpa protect them too?

14 thoughts on “Oh Emma, Oh Kate.

    1. Emma would be all for that. Kate….ehhhh…she would glare at the camera and scream to get the camera out of her face. Kate would definitely bring the drama.


  1. The one about the leaves was my hands-down fave! I so relate. J and I have started identifying with the parents in sitcoms instead of the teenagers, which is weird enough. Even without having our own kids, we are welllll on our way to being old and irrelevant and blabbering about how “back in our day….”


    1. There was a time when the girls Ooooo and Ahhhh’ed at the tree colors. It’s sad they don’t do that anymore
      But they’ll be back. They’ll grow up one day and Oooo and Ahhh with their kids. 🙂


  2. Julie, I’m not a morning person either. I glare and grunt my way through the first hour of my day until I’m fully awake. And Kate’s right. Ice cream is serious business. 🙂


    1. Waking up in the worst thing ever. Unless it’s at noon. Ha.
      Ice cream…yeah, I have an addiction. Scott is so annoyed that I eat ice cream every night in bed.


    1. I should break out the video camera. I haven’t filmed them in awhile. I’ll try to think of a list of questions to get them all riled up.


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