I’m going to die an old woman with deep, permanent laugh lines on my face.
This blog is about my life. I’m not an expert on anything. I have no special skills. This will never be a food blog or home decor blog. I just write as my life happens. I tend to focus the writing on the humor. I like to laugh and keep the peace. I won’t write about our political views, religion, or anything that has controversy.
I also won’t write about Scott’s big screw up on Sunday. I’ll save him the grief and keep that private. Well, sort of private – he’s already been the hot topic at the school pick up with the moms. I needed confirmation I won this one. There is no debate. Scott screwed up.
We have all been in the dog house. Even me. It’s not fun. But the leash is eventually taken off and we’re allowed back into the warm home. Here, wait – insert inspiring Pinterest pin here:
Hey Mother T – Yeah, I know. Love is forgiveness. But I sure do like having a King size bed to myself before I forgive.
Scott’s dog house has taken a beating for the past few days:
Me: Man, it was really cold out today. Good thing I can stop shaving my legs since it’s pants season.
Scott: Are you serious?
Me: Did you say something?
Me: Hey, wake up. Scott, wake up. WAKE UP.
Me: Oh, sorry. Were you asleep? My throat is really dry. Are you going downstairs?
Scott: I was asleep. What do you want.
Me: Can you get me some ice water? Thanks.
Me: What am I even taking this pill for? Don’t really need the armor if there are no bullets. Ha! Right, Scott?
Scott: Bug, you look really pretty today.
Me: I’m going to strike that compliment as a suck-up. Try again tomorrow.
Me: Ok, girls! Daddy is in charge of helping with homework, dinner, cleaning up the kitchen, your baths, PJs, brushing your teeth, brushing your hair. Emma – you said cold lunch, right? Let’s just have cold lunch tomorrow. Daddy will put you to bed. I’ll be in the basement writing and having a glass of wine. Have fun! It’s a daddy night! And that kitchen better be spotless, Scott. White glove.
Scott: So I probably shouldn’t ask if I can go hunting tonight?
Scott: Ugh, nevermind.
We got our family pictures taken. Our photographer told Scott and I to put our noses together. We were smiling at each other, eye ball to eye ball.
Me: You jackass.
Me: I need to paint my toes. Here, you will paint them. And don’t screw up.
Scott: I’m not touching your nasty toes.
Me: GIRLS! COME HERE! DADDY IS GIVING US ALL PEDIS!! Ok, here. Pick a different color for each toe. That’ll be fun!
Scott: I need to get to the gym.
Me: Oh, I already asked the girls that and they don’t want to go. Can you watch them? I’m going to the gym.
Ok, Scott. Your punishment is over. I am stepping down. We are going back to a shared reign of the household. Mother T said love is forgiveness. Mother J said love is laughing at your spouse crawling on all fours back inside the house.
Now go take a shower, Stinky.