A typical car ride with the Mr. and Mrs.

Scott: My knee has been killing me lately.

Me: Until you’ve pushed miniature humans from your body, you can’t talk.

Scott: OH! Here we go! I had knee surgery! You aren’t pushing anything now!

Me: All I’m saying is when a doctor asks about pain level, they will ask on a level from 1 through 10. 10 is always childbirth. The highest level of pain a human can stand. Knee pain is nothing.

Scott: Why do you have to make everything a contest?

Me: Well, you can never be a 10. So I kinda wave off your pain level. You’ll be fine.

Scott: But childbirth is natural.

Me: Hm. Watermelon sliding through a hole a size of a lemon. That sounds natural.

Scott: Yes. You went through the highest pain level. I get it. You will be reminding me of this when we’re old and hurting at 90.

Me: Actually, I’ll be 89 and you’ll be 90.

Scott: What did you say?

Me: Nothing. Just waiting for a thank you.

Scott: For what?!

Me: Delivering your children.

Scott: 4 and 7 years ago. You are comparing my knee pain to your pain 4 and 7 years ago. And you want a thank you. Fine. Thank you. You want to start comparing?

Me: Bring it, Scott.

Scott: I had surgery. Knives cut me open. Bone was ripped out and screwed back in. You heard the doctor say that pain is close to childbirth pain. I had to have a nerve block in my groin! At least you could walk out of the hospital.

Me: I had my vagina sewn up, SCOTT. Here. Put your legs up on the dash and imagine a needle and thread going in and out of that space there. With no pain meds because THEY WORE OFF.

Scott: You know what? You got two beautiful daughters from it. All I got was a bill.

Me: I got a bill too. And mine was probably higher than yours. I delivered life.


16 thoughts on “A typical car ride with the Mr. and Mrs.

  1. Scott lives with three women in the house. I’m pretty sure his pain is extreme. I think for the sake of harmony you guys should both agree that being KSU fans is a heartbreaking pain that nears a 10 and you can both share that together.


  2. I just hate the fact that my husband had ACL surgery and is a disabled Veteran because of it, so he is a rockstar because of his monthly check from the government….and Scott c-section without pain meds here. Yay me and that involved knives, a stuck breech baby and staples. Go Cats!


    1. Oh yeah, you definitely win that one! Daang, I could not imagine a C-Section with a breech baby! But I also salute your husband for serving our country. 🙂 Your family is pretty much bad ass.



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