A typical car ride with the Mr. and Mrs.

Scott: My knee has been killing me lately.

Me: Until you’ve pushed miniature humans from your body, you can’t talk.

Scott: OH! Here we go! I had knee surgery! You aren’t pushing anything now!

Me: All I’m saying is when a doctor asks about pain level, they will ask on a level from 1 through 10. 10 is always childbirth. The highest level of pain a human can stand. Knee pain is nothing.

Scott: Why do you have to make everything a contest?

Me: Well, you can never be a 10. So I kinda wave off your pain level. You’ll be fine.

Scott: But childbirth is natural.

Me: Hm. Watermelon sliding through a hole a size of a lemon. That sounds natural.

Scott: Yes. You went through the highest pain level. I get it. You will be reminding me of this when we’re old and hurting at 90.

Me: Actually, I’ll be 89 and you’ll be 90.

Scott: What did you say?

Me: Nothing. Just waiting for a thank you.

Scott: For what?!

Me: Delivering your children.

Scott: 4 and 7 years ago. You are comparing my knee pain to your pain 4 and 7 years ago. And you want a thank you. Fine. Thank you. You want to start comparing?

Me: Bring it, Scott.

Scott: I had surgery. Knives cut me open. Bone was ripped out and screwed back in. You heard the doctor say that pain is close to childbirth pain. I had to have a nerve block in my groin! At least you could walk out of the hospital.

Me: I had my vagina sewn up, SCOTT. Here. Put your legs up on the dash and imagine a needle and thread going in and out of that space there. With no pain meds because THEY WORE OFF.

Scott: You know what? You got two beautiful daughters from it. All I got was a bill.

Me: I got a bill too. And mine was probably higher than yours. I delivered life.

Emma: YOU GUYS! OH MY GOSH, STOP FIGHTING ABOUT YOUR POOP!

16 thoughts on “A typical car ride with the Mr. and Mrs.

  1. Scott lives with three women in the house. I’m pretty sure his pain is extreme. I think for the sake of harmony you guys should both agree that being KSU fans is a heartbreaking pain that nears a 10 and you can both share that together.

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  2. KatieKSU says:

    I just hate the fact that my husband had ACL surgery and is a disabled Veteran because of it, so he is a rockstar because of his monthly check from the government….and Scott c-section without pain meds here. Yay me and that involved knives, a stuck breech baby and staples. Go Cats!

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