Me: Kate, how do you want to decorate your room? Your walls are so bare.
Kate: I want my own mirror.
Me: Ok. We can get you your own mirror. That’s a good idea.
Kate: I want it to go on my ceiling. Right there. (Points to above her bed)
In the car.
Me: Kate! Turn your music down.
Me: It’s not all about you, Kate.
Kate: It’s you, mom.
TV commerical: Do you know what month it is?
Kate: Toots Day!
Scott was shouting to the girls while they took a bath.
Scott: Ok, don’t forget to clean your legs and your tummies and under your arms!!
Kate: And don’t forget your vaginas!
Scott: I’m out of here. (leaves the room)
Emma: Mom. Dad said this is driving him crazy. So I said ‘oh yeah? Is crazy driving you to a far away place?’
Me: You said that? Where did you hear that?
Emma: I made it up just now.
We took the girls to Cabelas. Scott was looking at hunting clothes. I was rolling my eyes and telling Scott to hurry up. Somehow, we lost Kate.
Me: Uh, where’s Kate?
Scott: I don’t know. I’m sure she’s here somewhere.
Scott: KATE! WHERE ARE YOU, KATE?
Me: (going into panic mode) Oh my gosh. KATE. KATE. KATE!!!! (I start looking at families walking by to see if Kate walked off with them)
Tiny muffled voice: Oh darnit!
Me: Did you hear that? Where is she? Kate, where are you?
Kate: (rolls out from under a rack of clothes) Haaaaaa! I just hiding.
Kids were eating tic tacs.
Kate: Here daddy, you want a tic tac toe?
Me: Wake up Emma, your friends are coming over to play later today.
Emma: What? Oh, ok. (she gets ready and goes to the kitchen)
Scott: Hey Emma, we’re going to practice shooting your bow this afternoon.
Emma: Oh, ok. (Emma walks up to me and whispers) Mom. I have a problem.
Emma: I have two things going on at once and I don’t know what to do.
Me: (laughing) You can play with your friends then you can go with daddy.
Emma: (smiles) Oh, ok.
In the car. I overhear Emma and Kate talking.
Kate: I feel my bone in my finger. It’s hard. What’s this squishy stuff?
Emma: That’s all the blood, Kate.
Our babysitter took the girls out for the day. They were in her car.
Kate: Will you unlock the door? I want to escape.
Erin: Oh, that’s not going to happen. Where would you go if you escaped?
Kate: I just walk home.
Scott: Good thing we are getting all this rain. Good for our yard.
Emma: Why is it good for the yard?
Scott: Well, if it doesn’t rain, we need to turn the sprinklers on. That costs us money. The city sends us a bill every month for how much water we used.
Emma: But why do they charge you?
Me: Because they take the water from the lakes and rivers and make it clean so we can drink it.
Emma: WHAT? I thought it was free! Paying for water is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard!
Me: Girls, look at my boo boo.
Emma: What happened?
Me: I had another mole removed. It grew back so the doctor had to cut it out again.
Kate: Did they put you to sleep?
Kate was watching Beauty and the Beast.
Kate: Ha! Sounds like Booty and the Beast.
Me: Kate, smile for the camera. Please?
(Eventually, she smiles) There was that so hard?
I took a shower and was getting dressed. The girls bust in on me.
Kate: Dang mom, lock the door!
The girls were watching 13 going on 30. There’s a scene in the movie where the two actors are laying on the beach, kissing.
Kate: Ha! They are getting sand in their butt.
Scott was working on finishing our basement.
Scott: Finally! The bathroom is DONE. Can I get a hallelujah!
Kate: Uh, I don’t know how to do that.
Emma: Kate, stop farting on me!
Kate: I just like to fart.
Bonus Special Edition: Oh Scott.
Scott was asleep for the night. I took my contacts out and climbed into bed with him.
Scott: Did you make it to the NFL?
Scott: Did you take it to the next level? The NFL.
Me: Is this a joke about Candy Crush? No, I can’t pass it.
Scott: But the NFL!
Me: Scott, are you dreaming?
Scott: NO, JULIE. I’M MAKING TOTAL SENSE RIGHT NOW.
Me: No, you make no sense. You’re dreaming.
Scott: THE LITTLE BACKPACK STRAPS!
Me: Scott! Why are you yelling at me?
Scott: (turns around with his back to me) Ugh. Whatever.
Me: Scott. Do you remember asking me if I was in the NFL and something about backpack straps?
Scott: Uh oh. Vaguely. I remember saying something about backpack straps and yelling at you.
Scott: I’m not apologizing for talking in my sleep.
Scott: I’m sorry.