I don’t want to be writing about this.
I had another post ready to be published today but that will be on hold.
I really just need to take a moment to freak out here:
I’M ON MY DEATH BED.
There. My freak out. I can be a little dramatic.
Three months ago, I had a mole removed from my ankle. I wrote about my melt down here.
I got a call from the lab a week after the mole was removed. The mole was considered “atypical”. From what I understand, it’s a mole that has abnormal cells. Some would call it “pre-cancerous cells”. They could be fine but sometimes they are a warning before cancerous cells develop. The lab tech assured me I would be ok because it was taken off early. My doctor requested that I come back in 3 months to make sure the cells didn’t grow back.
That follow-up appointment was today.
So what brings you in today, Julie?
Well, I had a mole removed and I was told the doctor wanted to see if it grew back. I can’t tell because the scar is so dark.
The nurse looked at the scar on my ankle.
Oh. Yep, it grew back. I’ll get the doctor.
He walked out and shut the door.
Say whaaaaa?! How does he just walk out the door like that?! I need consoling!
I kicked my dangling feet and pulled my hair.
I listened for voices outside the door. I hopped off the table, grabbed my phone and started texting Scott:
I love you. I love the girls. I love my family. I’m dying. Nurse said my mole grew back. Now I’m throwing punches and dropping F bombs. Pour my ashes in Manhattan, Kansas. Preferably on the 50 yard line at Bill Snyder Family Stadium. Gotta go. Hear voices.
I hopped back on the table and smiled at the doctor as she walked in.
Hi Julie! Let’s see…. Oh no! It grew back.
What does that mean?
We will take it off again. I’ll dig a little deeper than last time to make sure I get everything. It will get sent to the lab for more testing and they will call you in a week. I’ll have my assistant prep you and I’ll be back to take it off.
She shut the door. The nurse walked back in with his tray. My eyes focused on the needle. I felt the blood drain from my face.
Ok, here we go again. This will be the worst part. Wipe you down with alcohol first.
You have any whiskey?
He laughed. I closed my eyes.
Couple little pinches here.
I tensed up. I feel him stab the needle into my ankle bone with no fat.
Ok, do you feel this.
Ok, we’re all set then.
The doctor peeked her head in.
Hey Julie, do you mind if a student watches?
As long as I don’t have to watch. I don’t care.
Here, I’ll lay you back a little further so you can’t see. Ok, I saw this patient 3 months ago. She was concerned about a mole so we removed it. The path report came back atypical. Now, as you can see, the mole has grown back. We are going to remove it today and send that off to the lab.
I felt the pressure of the knife scissoring in and out.
Get me out of here. Hurry up. Just hurry up.
Her healing will take a little bit longer because it is on the foot. Normally it takes a few weeks to heal; hers will take about a month. We will send her off with instructions to keep Vaseline and a bandaid on the incision site. And there you go. All done. The lab will call you in about a week, Julie. Rest easy, ok?
The doctor, assistant and student all walked out. I got my things and left. I looked at my phone. No reply from Scott. I called him. No answer.
He better hope our house is on fire and he lost his phone.
I arrived at our house. It was still standing. No fire.
Did you get my text? I tried calling too.
Oh. Oops. It was on silent.
Oh. No big deal other than I’M DYING AND THEY’RE GOING TO CHOP MY FOOT OFF IN HOPES OF STOPPING THE CANCER FROM SPREADING.
The mole. It grew back! They removed it. I will know in a week what kind of cells grew back.
What are you doing?
Getting a black sock. This foot will never see the light of day. Ever. Call me White Foot.
I go upstairs and yelled down below.
And then I’m going to write my will. Can you just throw a big party in my honor instead of a funeral? I don’t want people to be sad. I’ll make sure the Wildcats win a Championship. That will be all me. You’re welcome.
You are completely out of control. Calm down. They got whatever it is early.
I am calm!!!!!
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