Oh Emma, Oh Kate.

Scott: Does my mustache look pornish?

Me: (laughing) No.

Emma: What?! You have a mustache?!

____________

Me: Ok, girls. Let’s go shopping. We need to find you 4th of July outfits.

Kate: Uh, sometime I don’t like to say that word.

Me: What word?

Kate: 4th of July.

____________

Kate: Whoa! Big poop, mom!

Me: (I run in there) Do you need help wiping?

Kate: (sits on toilet) Don’t look at it. (crosses her arms)

____________

Getting ready to take off on the plane for Florida.

Me: Here girls. Chew some gum. Your ears will pop if you don’t swallow.

Emma: POP OFF??!

____________

Kate: What is this?

Me: It’s called a chip. It’s from a place called Las Vegas.

Kate: What is a chip?

Me: Well, it’s sorta like money.

Kate: (runs off then runs back with her piggy bank and drops it in)

____________

I was getting a pedicure with the girls before our Florida trip.

Kate: (to the woman working on her feet) We want pretty toes. Not bad ones. Haaaaaaa, mommy! A boy is doing your feet!

____________

Kate: Mommy! I need to use the bathroom!

Me: I’m using it!

Kate: (opens door and walks in) Mommy! You’re just on your phone. Wipe your butt.

____________

Emma: What’s for dinner?

Me: (Put down two plates of Mahi Mahi and rice) Fish.

Kate: (Looks at her plate) I like fish inside the water not on my plate.

____________

The girls got their hair cut. I had Kate’s cut short. We were leaving the salon.

Me: Kate! Your hair is sooo cute!

Kate: Your hair looks a little bit cute.

____________

In Florida.

Me: Ok, Uncle Mark and Aunt Ashley brought two friends. One is named Ted and one is named Michelle.

Kate: Uh, like Michelle from Full House?

____________

Kate comes downstairs with just underwear on. She turns around in front of me. Her underwear is pulled up her butt crack so all you see is cheeks.

Kate: I’m like you, mommy.

Me: What.

Kate: Your underwears.

Emma: It’s a thong, mom. She wants to wear a thong.

____________

Kate: What day is today?

Me: Monday.

Kate: Oh. I like Tuesday better.

Me: Why?

Kate: Sounds like Toots Day.

____________

I was talking to some lady at the store. I didn’t know her. Just making chit chat.

Kate: Mom! Stop talking!

Me: Kate. Shhhhh.

Kate: Mom, I don’t like you talking to people.

Me: (I laugh off Kate to the lady)

Kate: We don’t know her! Mom! Stop talking!

____________

Scott: Mommy doesn’t like having a cold, does she girls.

Emma: I don’t like being hot.

___________

I was getting into the shower while the girls took a bath. I got undressed in front of them.

Kate: Haaaa! You look funny, mommy!

Me: Why? (I walk into the shower)

Kate: Because of those.

Me: (shouting) Because of what?

Emma: Just say it, Kate.

Kate: BOOBIES!!!!!

___________

We were watching the All-Star game. The National Anthem starts. Scott starts singing along.

Kate: Stop singing, daddy! You’re a boy! This song is for girls.

___________

Me: Ok, girls. We’re going to a wedding today!

Kate: I don’t like weddings.

Me: Why?

Kate: Because I don’t like people looking at me.

Me: Oh. Well, you are not IN this wedding. You don’t have to walk down the aisle. Just watch. Then we get to eat and dance!

Kate: But I don’t like people.

____________

Kate: Daddy, why are you going camping?

Scott: Because that is where the elk are. Deep in the woods.

Kate: Why?

Scott: Hm. That’s a good question.

Kate: No, it’s not.

____________

Scott: Girls! Guess what? My magical power is I can turn invisible and watch people when they’re not looking.

Emma: What’s mommy’s?

Scott: Mommy’s magical power is making people’s clothes disappear when she snaps! What is yours?

Emma: I make people fart.

Kate: And I make people poop their pants.

____________

I was driving Kate in my car. Scott had Emma in his truck. We left the gym at the same time but Scott was in front of me.

Kate: Is daddy in front of us or behind us?

Me: I think he left before us. So he must be in front of us.

Kate: Oh. I hope we can beat them home.

(We pull into our driveway. Scott’s truck was parked and Emma was getting out.)

Kate: DANGIT! They beat us!

(Kate gets out of the car)

Emma: We beat you!

Kate: It’s not a race Emma! I don’t like races.

____________

We were at a camping store. Scott was shopping while the girls and I sat and waited. An employee comes up to us and asked if we needed anything.

Kate: My daddy likes pink stuff.

____________

Kate: Here daddy. I drew you a rainbow.

Scott: Thanks, Kate! I love it!

Kate: It’s a brown rainbow with a pink stripe. Because you like pink.

Scott: Who said I like pink?

Kate: I did. Haaaaa!

____________

Kate: I don’t like this restaurant.

Me: It’s a wedding reception, not a restaurant.

Kate: I don’t like this wedding.

____________

Me: Kate, why don’t you like weddings?

Kate: I don’t like people laughing at me.

Me: But no one was laughing at you.

Kate: I just want to be naked at home.

8 thoughts on “Oh Emma, Oh Kate.

    • ksujulie says:

      I think there are two types of people in the world. People who would rather be naked at home and people who want to dress up and go to a wedding. Lol. I’d totally rather be naked.

      Like

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