There’s no place like the Keys.

Well, that went quick.

It’s hard to write about our vacation in the Florida Keys. My abs are still sore from laughing. I don’t even know what we laughed about because we did absolutely nothing.

We soaked in the Florida sun. We fished. We drank rum all day and night at the tiki bar. We danced in Key West. We washed away our problems in salt water. We talked all night with friends from all around the country. The boys took turns smoking cigars. We listened to the Eagles. We chased our kids around in the warm, tropical rain. We never stopped eating.

We did absolutely nothing.

I loaded my pictures from the trip on my laptop.

What Facebook saw:

You're in the Keys, Emma!

You’re in the Keys, Emma!

What really happened:

Get in the picture, Kate.  "NO! No cameras." (I'm pretty sure there is a wardrobe malfuntion in this picture. Just bra. We're all good.)

Get in the picture, Kate.
“NO! No cameras.”
(Before someone calls me out: I’m pretty sure there is a wardrobe malfuntion in this picture. It’s just bra. I’m fine with it.)

What Facebook saw:

Casey, the cowboy turned Captain Jack Sparrow.

Captain Casey, after a day in the high seas.

The picture immediately following:

I don't even have a caption to this.

Casey, the drunk cowboy from Kansas.

What Facebook saw:

It's a dancin' kind of night in Key West.

It’s a dancin’ kind of night in Key West.

What really happened:

Yes, Scott has a busted knee. And no, that is not me.

Scott and Devon combined their dancing forces to show up the bar. Me? I got roofied and threw up on the way back to our Keys house. One of these years I’ll grow up and just say NO to Key West nights.

What Twitter saw:

Somewhere over the rainbow, there were 25 Mahi waiting for two Kansas girls.

Somewhere over the rainbow, there were 25 Mahi waiting for two Kansas girls.

What really happened:

There is no image because we had to hide our phones and cameras in a water tight storage compartment. There were 4-6 foot seas with an occasional 8 foot wave that day. This type of seas with a 34-foot boat is only for fishermen who truly enjoy the sport or for Kansans that will fish in any sea conditions.

Three people got sick – not me. One proclaimed it was their personal hell – not me. Two crazies rode the bow of the boat because they liked the thrill – not me. My feelings were somewhere in the middle. I would rather not fish in those conditions but I listened to orders from Captain Brett because I want a trophy mahi, damnit.

While trolling, I reeled in two mahis. I cut up bloody bait and threw chunks in the water. I held one of my fish in the water as a decoy while the school of mahis swam up – this was all while trying to hold on for dear life. On the way back, we went airborne a couple times when the 8 foot waves would crash in. We were constantly getting salt water dumped on us from all angles. We were the only boat out there fishing. Just call us Forest Gump fishin’ on the “Jen-nay”.

They are not trophies but we caught dinner, kids. Total fish count was about 65 for the week.

They are not trophies but we caught dinner, kids! Total fish count for the week was about 65 Mahi Mahi Dolphin. Our share made it back to our deep freeze in Kansas successfully.

 

And that is how we do absolutely nothing in the Keys.

As promised, our Keys group gets a shout out my blog. It was one of the best vaycays ever.

Jeff and Kathy, Bill and Kelly, Dave and Sherri, Rob and Janna, Dave and Patti, Kevin, Donalee and Bobby, Mark and Ashley (Hi Tres!), Brad and Lindsay, Beau and Lauren, Casey and Devon, Brett and Paige, Ted and Michelle, and of course Scott:

Thanks for reading about my Brazilian before I got there, you guys!

Seriously — thank you Bill and Kelly. Your house makes great memories for all of us.

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