Manhattan, Kansas.

Scott: Welcome home. You feel old now?

Me: Nope. Manhattan, Kansas is a transport in time. 10 years magically just came off in Aggieville and I was 21 again.

Scott: Wait. Stop. Why are you walking weird?

Me: I have shin splints.

Scott: What did you do last night?

Me: Went out to eat with Devon. Watched a movie at her house. Went to bed early. It was great.

Scott: What did you do the night before?

Me: Well……the last thing I remember saying before leaving Aggieville was “I never got a picture of me in my graduation cap and gown 9 years ago in front of the Higinbotham Gate.”

Higinbotham Gate
Higinbotham Gate. Image from Kansas State University.
I don't know what happened.
I don’t know what happened.

Scott: OH MY GOSH!

Me: Looks like the night started out well. This is a cute picture of Devon and me.

Devon and me.

Oh, here. I wrote down quotes I overhead while out in Aggieville. Listen to this:

  • There will be no jager bombs. Last time I had a jager bomb, I got in a fight and drug out of a bar.
  • I need to find this cute farm boy and wife him up.
  • Last time I went to a Chiefs game, I caught my pants on fire and passed out in a chair with your brother.
  • Is that queso dip?   — The cheese is.
  • If someone buys me a tequila shot I will throw it back in their face. WA-BAM!
  • Don’t ever lay on a bar floor. Unless you’re on top.
  • My friends can watch me have sex and I’m fine with it. But they CANNOT watch me on a dance floor.
  • It looks like I’m smiling but I’m really not.

My uncles are seriously trying to pick up some chicks. Will you girls come talk to them?

Creepy Uncle Sam buying me a whiskey.
Creepy Uncle Sam buying me a whiskey.
  • I go to a grocery store sober and I damn near get in a brawl.
  • I dunno what happened. *Name withheld* just jumped up on the bar and I started licking her belly button. Then we got kicked out. I didn’t even get to finish the body shot.
  • Did I change underwear? Oh yeah, I did. I showered.
  • I don’t remember what any of you are saying. I think my brain just blocked out that part of my life.
  • (Opening a bag of hot wings) Don’t you just love that smell? Don’t you just want to tongue it.
  • There are two types of people in this world. People who pee in the shower and people who lie. — I seriously have never peed in the shower. — You are just a liar.

I am in the presence of Bill Snyder.

-- I totally forgot Bill Snyder is our coach.
— I totally forgot Bill Snyder is our coach. (I gave my first throat punch at the Spring Game.)
  • What kind of vodka did you use in the delicious summer brew? — McCormick. — Oh. What kind of beer did you use? — Natty Light.
  • Looks like you girls need some testosterone over here.
  • The walk home didn’t even seem that long. — We didn’t walk. We got a ride.
  • Now that I think about it … I’m pretty sure my mom was a huge pothead when she was younger.
  • You look white. — Well, I just got cancer removed from my ankle. — She’s a drama queen. Don’t listen to her.
  • So what do you want to talk about? — I don’t know, you pick. — Religion! Go!
  • Screw it. My bra is the same as a swimsuit top, right?
  • What do you want to do now? — Let’s just get out of the car then decide what happens.

What is the name of that yoga move? 

It's called the naked monkey.
It’s called the naked monkey.

Thank you Manhattan, Kansas. You may have sent me home with shin splints but you are still my favorite place in the world.

And thanks for letting me play with the youngens, Devon! XOXO

Bill Snyder, as always, it’s a pleasure to be in your presence. You can have some XOXOs too. You old man, you.

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