Oh Emma, Oh Kate.

I was waiting for some guy to back out of his parking spot at the gym. He pulls away and I pull in my car.

Kate: Ha haaa! We took your spot, truck!


Kate: What does money mean?

Me: You know what money means.

Kate: Yeah. Money means ask mom.


I took Kate out to eat for lunch. We find a table and sit down.

Kate: That guy didn’t eat breakfast. (points to the table next to us with two men eating)

Me: Shhhhhh. How do you know?

Kate: He just said he didn’t eat breakfast. HEY, WHY YOU NOT EAT BREAKFAST?


I took the girls to our gym cafe for a snack after my workout.

Kate: The cottage cheese here tastes bad.

Me: Yeah, I think it was just old last time.

Kate: And the eggs here taste like dog.


Bailey, our dog, farted. And by Bailey I mean me. It was me. I farted loud.

Kate: Mommy be quiet. You make my doll fall off the castle!


Me: Kate, you’re crazy.

Kate: You’re poop.


Kate: Daddy! Guess what?!

Scott: What?!

Kate: I don’t love you.

Scott: What.

Kate: Haaaa. Just kidding.


Emma: It’s fun to eat, mom.


My parents watched the girls while Scott and I ran an errand. My dad says something to my mom which included the word “stupid”.

Kate: Papa said a bad word!!

Dad: What did I say?

Emma: It starts with an S.

Dad: Uhhh…which word? Shit?

Emma: No.

Dad: Son of a bitch?

Emma: No.

Dad: Suck?

Emma: No.

Dad: Shit head.

Emma: No.

Dad: Suck ass.

Emma: No.

Kate: Spongebob says it!

Mom: Stupid?

Kate: That’s the bad word!


Scott’s mom watched the girls while Scott and I were in Napa. I get a text:

Kate and I are having a pretend birthday party. She invited guests. She was on a pretend phone call and one of them said he couldn’t come.

Kate: Why not?

Friend: Because my mommy said I couldn’t come.

Kate: Well, just sneak out!

I about died laughing. You guys are in trouble when she’s a teenager.


I drove the girls to Tulsa, Oklahoma for my niece’s birthday weekend. It’s 4 hours away.

Kate: When are we going to be there?

Me: Super close! Like 1 more minute.

Kate: I don’t like 1 minute. I like 2 hours.


Emma: I’m so excited to see Gabby and Evelyn! (cousins)

Kate: Oh. I’m not.


Start Me Up by the Rolling Stones came on the radio. I turn it up.

Me: Girls! Do you know who sings this song?

Emma: Uhhhhhh…

Me: It’s Funny Papa’s favorite band!

Kate: Bill Snyder!


Me: Kate, are you going to behave now?

Kate: What does behave mean?


Scott: If you two behave, you can have 1 Oreo in a glass of milk before bed.

Emma: No, 5 Oreos.

Scott: That’s not going to happen. 1.

Emma: It will happen at midnight when I sneak some in my room.


Kate: Trick or Treat! Smell my feet! I’m gunna take your underwear off!


I took the girls to Chick-Fil-A one night for dinner while Scott was out of town. I was watching them play in the play area through the glass. I couldn’t hear them but I could see everything. The kids inside organized a hide and seek game. Emma and two other kids were the ones counting. They put their heads down into their arms on the bench. As Emma put her head down, she knocked it on the glass wall. She laughed at herself and continued to count.

Me: (laughing) That’s my kid.

I look up at Kate getting ready to hide. She’s staring at me.

Kate: (mouths) Stop the attitude, mom. (points at her eyes then at me)

Me: (mouth drops)

Kate: (takes off running, laughing)


Emma: Kate, what hand do you color with?

Kate: Both of them.

Emma: That’s why you don’t color good.


Me: Emma, what did you do while I was gone? Did you play Monopoly with Nina?

Emma: Yeah but I cheated.


Kate was watching my sister nurse her baby.

Kate: Why you got milk?

Jenna: Mommy’s make milk.

Kate: How?

Jenna: Oh, well…when you become a mommy you will make milk. It just happens.

Kate: (lifts up her shirt and flashes Jenna) I don’t have big ones, look.

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