Kate made a snake out of a paper towel roll in preschool. She carries this thing everywhere – the car, the dinner table, her purse.


Emma made herself a snake too – out of stretchy silicone putty. Instead of playing with dolls they are playing with their snakes.

I don’t know what to say. I have an immature mind. I am at the point where I can’t hide my laughter anymore. The girls haven’t asked what I’m laughing at yet. They’ll get it one day. Oh, will they get it. And if you can’t read between the lines here – I think of penises.

To my future adult children, Emma and Kate. Enjoy:

  • Will you buckle my snake in?
  • Oh, it’s ok. My snake likes it like that.
  • My snake’s name is whitey.
  • Here take a picture of my snake. Ok, let me see it.
  • Ugh! Kate’s snake is wrapped in my seatbelt!
  • Stop wrapping your snake around me!
  • Ok, snake is done.
  • Is your snake the kind of snake that grows really big when it grows up?
  • Oh, my snake stays little.
  • Sometimes my snake breaks.
  • My snake is invisible.
  • Whoa! Look how long my snake got! It goes across the room!
  • This is his body. And here’s the head.
  • No no snake. Stay right here.
  • Mom, watch how big my snake grows.
  • Look at my snake now. It looks like a bone.
  • My snake is relaxin’.
  • What do snakes eat?
  • My snake can curl up in a ball. Watch.
  • Talk to me with your snake.
  • Watch out! Kate’s snake bites! Mine just squeezes tight.
  • Hey! Don’t get my snake wet!
  • Don’t touch my snake! He’s sleeping!

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