Scott: Girls! I got something yummy for dinner! I splurged for mommy! Swordfish!
Kate: I don’t want that. I don’t want to eat the nose.
Kate: Daddy, you are the king.
Scott: King of what?
Kate: Uhhh…K-State. And mommy is the queen of K-State.
Scott: Emma, you are so creative!
Emma: Uh…no. Not really. I’m not really so much creative, I just know what people like to see.
I was sitting on the gym’s couches with the girls, waiting for Scott to finish in the locker room.
Emma: Do people use that elevator to go upstairs to the gym?
Me: Yep. Most people here use the stairs though. I think it’s mostly there for people who are handicapped.
Kate: Yeah. Or if they got a big booty. Haaaaa!
I was at the doctors office with the girls. We were killing time in the waiting room.
Kate: Look what I draw, mom! I draw it last night.
Me: It’s beautiful, Kate! I love it!
Kate: Ha! I kidding. I draw it now.
Me: Hey Kate. You’re supposed to bring something blue to school tomorrow. Go find something.
Kate: I bring your phone! It’s blue.
Kate: (yelling, as loud as she possibly can) DADDY FARTED!!!
Scott: How in the world did she hear that?
Still at Cabelas.
Kate: Awwwww!! That cat’s face looks really sad!!
Me: Kate, you’re in trouble. Go to your room. NOW.
Kate: (standing in her doorway) I. AM. IN. MY. ROOM. You go to YOUR room!
Emma was looking at a compass while I was driving.
Emma: We are going south now.
Me: So we are going towards Mexico. Or Texas. Or Oklahoma.
Emma: Uh, mom? Those are really far away. We are not really going that way.
I was dropping off Kate at school. One of the teachers opens the car door to let Kate out.
Kate: (to teacher) We listenin’ to CREEPIN’. Justa Creeepiinnnnn…
Picked up Kate from school. Talking to her on the way home.
Kate: Uh, my teacher has panties on today.
Me: Wait, what?
Kate: She has panties on today.
Me: Did you ask her if she had panties on?
Kate: Yes. She said she does.
Kate brought me a piece of paper and a pen.
Kate: How do you spell Jenna?
Me: Here you go. (I write out Jenna)
Kate: How do you spell Jenna’s baby?
I get in the car with Kate and start car.
Me: Oh, wait! Where’s my wallet?
Kate: Uhhh…I see it somewhere…Uhhh. Oh. You left it in the haunted house. On kitchen counter.
Emma: Mom. We learned about uh…what’s his name. Oh my gosh I forgot. He changed the laws about brown and white skin people.
Me: Martin Luther King?
Emma: Junior, mom. His name is Martin Luther King, JUNIOR.
Me: Emma, did you know that Martin Luther King Junior visited K-State?
Emma: Mom. He’s not alive anymore.
Me: I know. But when he was alive he had a big speech at K-State! Isn’t that cool? Martin Luther King Junior was in Manhattan! Ah!
Emma: That’s so cool! Why didn’t they tell me that at school?
Emma: We also learned about the woman on the bus. She didn’t want to sit where they told her to.
Me: Rosa Parks. She was told to sit in the back of the bus.
Emma: YES! Rosa Parks. The brown skinned and white skinned were separated.
Me: Yes. It was a long time ago. It was a bad time in America.
Emma: Yeah. Those laws were really rude. The laws aren’t rude anymore. Good thing.
(Aunt) Jenna: What should my baby’s name be, Kate?
Kate: Yep. Quesadilla.
Kate: Dad? Do you like the sun?
Scott: The sun? Yeah. I like the sun.
Kate: Oh. I don’t. Gets in my eyes.
My mom and dad were watching the girls while Scott and I went somewhere.
Kate: I am a princess. And Emma is too.
Mom: What about your mom?
Kate: She is the queen. And daddy is the prince.
Mom: What about papa?
Kate: He is an ex-prince.
Kate: Jenna? How did baby get in your tummy?
Jenna: Uhhhhh…(looks at Emma)
Emma: Don’t ask me, I dunno.
Kate was playing “phone” with Scott.
Kate: Hi. It’s Jenna. What are you doing?
Scott: Oh, hi Jenna. I’m just talking to you. What did you do today?
Kate: Oh…just makin’ a baby in my tummy. Baby sleepin’ now.
I was getting ready in my bathroom. I was playing music from my phone onto my Bluetooth Bose system. Kate runs in and steals my phone and runs off with it. The song changes.
Me: I don’t want to listen to that song! Change it, Kate!
(I see Kate behind me, in the mirror. She looks at me then looks at my phone. It gets louder on the speaker.)
Kate: Jenna, how do you change the baby’s clothes?
Jenna: I don’t change her clothes when she’s in my tummy.
Kate: SHE NAKED?!?!