I’m back! Did you miss me? Much to the knowledge of all my Twitter followers, we went to my in-laws over Christmas.
I was going crazy. Crazy because I couldn’t shake the feeling I was always hungry around my mother-in-law’s cooking. Crazy because I was bored in a town I don’t know very well. Crazy that an unlimited amount of whiskey was provided at all hours of the day by my father-in-law. And I love whiskey. I was mostly going crazy because I couldn’t sit down and write at my computer. Writing clears my head. I need to write. So I did what comes naturally to my trigger-happy thumbs – I tweeted. Que the eye-rolling of my husband.
For those that don’t follow me, a recap:
Scott’s grandma just said my hat looks like a helmet. #inlawxmas
I have been reunited with my UT grad bro-in-law. This seems about right. #inlawxmas
Me: Hey you got any beer? Mom-in-law: No, just liquor. #ohdear #inlawxmas
Seriously, in-laws? It’s like they don’t even know me. #mexican #extramild? #wtf #inlawxmas
Husband, watching a fishing show: I wish I was a dolphin. #inlawxmas
Me: I forgot underwear. Mom-in-law: I knew I should have called to remind you! #inlawxmas They know me too well.
At liquor store. Husband grabs a basket. Bro-in-law grabs a cart. Little bro knows best. #inlawxmas
Whiskey and #Kstate bball make me happy. #inlawxmas just got better.
Scott’s cousin: I’m sorry there was no whiskey in my arms length for me to make you a drink. #wtf #rum? #inlawxmas
Excedrin Migrane should just call it as it is: Excedrin Hangover #inlawxmas
It’s Mexican food/margarita night with in-laws in honor of me bc I’m Mexican. Good thing I brought my red lipstick. #inlawxmas
Husband: the movie wasn’t bad. I was just expecting Lincoln to be Top Gun quality. #inlawxmas
Shout out to dogs for taking care of Santa’s cookies for me. They like me to stay fit. Take away the wine, you go outside. #inlawxmas
Fav gifts so far. Shout out to Bill Snyder. #kstate #thankful #inlawxmas
Her dad didn’t shoot Rudolph but Santa made sure Emma could. 😦 #inlawxmas
UT grad bro-in-law and me. Really pumped I can wear this shirt in his presence. I love #inlawxmas. I love #Kstate.
“Little do you know I have no pants on.” Overheard at poker. #inlawxmas
“I have two queens here scissoring.” Overheard at poker. #inlawxmas
“Wait how do you spell scissoring? — A-W-E-S-O-M-E. Overheard at poker. #inlawxmas
My initials are LSD. Welcome to my world. Overhead at poker. #inlawxmas
“Without having more information, I’m a bigger fan of a twat than a tweet.” Overheard at poker. #inlawxmas
Homeward bound. It’s been real hash tag #inlawxmas
Scott’s family isn’t the only side that provides Christmas entertainment. We celebrated my family’s “Christmas day” this week. You can guarantee I sat in a corner tweeting what I overheard. I mean, really, I’m just documenting the memories:
Dad: I’m just gunna keep farting so I get the couch to myself. #myfamilyxmas
Husband: That looks like a Mexican outfit. Anything that is a lime color. #myfamilyxmas
Overheard at #myfamilyxmas: Papa likes skirts too.
Emma: YES! Art supplies! Dad: Yeah! Keep that cellophane wrapped around it until you get home! #myfamilyxmas
Overheard at #myfamilyxmas: You bastard! You snuck in bourbon! — It’s about to get real, Twitter. #myfamilyxmas
Husband: so does Mexican hot chocolate mean there’s tequila in it? #no #myfamilyxmas
Bro-in-law to bro-in-law convo: Will you lather my beard? – No but I will lather your ass. #myfamilyxmas
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! We are very blessed to be able to spend the holidays with our crazy families.
I will write next year! Sorry, lame joke. I’ll work on it.