Oh Emma, Oh Kate.

Kate: Mom, do you have a pocket for my drawing?

Me: No.

Kate: Here. Yes you do. (pulls my shirt down from the neck then stuffs her drawing down my shirt and into my bra.)

__________

Kate: I love mommy and daddy and Nana and Papa and….

Emma: Brett!

Kate: No. I no love Brett. (ouch. Sorry Brett!)

__________

Our mailbox is far from our house. I drove up to the mailbox to get mail then I pulled into someone’s driveway so I could turn around. There was a line of cars coming up the street so Kate and I sat waiting before I could pull out.

Kate: Ugh! Come on cars! This not our house!

__________

I walked into our bedroom where Scott was playing with Kate. Scott smelled like deer estrous because he just got back home from hunting.

Me: Ugh! Seriously, Scott?! I can’t take that smell anymore. It smells so bad in here!

Kate: But I didn’t fart!

__________

I had music playing on my computer. Toby Keith’s “Red Solo Cup” comes on.

Emma: Uh mom? Why are they singing about a red cup? That’s kind of silly. It’s just a cup.

__________

I made dinner and served it to the girls.

Kate: Mommy. This is not delicious. Make me something else.

__________

Dropped Emma off at school one morning.

Kate: Bye, Emma! Peace out!

__________

Kate: Mommy, what time is it?

Me: Huh? why?

Kate: What time is it?

Me: 2:30.

Kate: (just stares at me)

__________

Kate and I were leaving a voicemail for Papa.

Me: Wait, it didn’t beep.

Kate: What you say? He gotta pee?

__________

I was rinsing off dishes. I turn on the garbage disposal. There was a loud noise. I shut off the disposal and put my hand down there. I dug out a small handful of coins.

Me: Kate! Did you throw money down the sink?

Kate: Ha! Mom! It’s a wishing well, not a sink!

__________

Me: Emma, go change your leggings. There’s a hole in the knee.

Emma: Mom, it’s a design. Not a hole.

Me: It’s a hole. Change them.

Emma: I kinda like it.

__________

I was carrying Kate.

Me: Oh Kate! You are getting so heavy!

Kate: And you have a heavy booty, Mom.

__________

Me: Ok, Kate let’s put on your boots.

Kate: We matching?

Me: Yep, I got my boots on too.

Kate: (after boots were on) Cheers! (Taps her boot with mine)

__________

It was about 6:30 am and I was sleeping. I woke up to Kate’s face in my face.

Kate: Mommy! Why you gotta be so lazy?

__________

Kate said something completely off the wall.

Me: Kate, you’re smoking crack.

Kate: But what is crack?

Me: Nevermind.

Kate: What is crack?

Me: Nevermind. I shouldn’t have said that.

Kate: I’m going to ask daddy what crack is.

__________

I overheard Emma and Kate playing.

Emma: Ok, puppy. I can’t get you food right now. I’m busy. Here actually, let me go to puppyfood dot com real quick.

__________

Me: Kate, will you bring me a piece of that gum?

Kate: Here you go! (Right before I grab it from her she splits it in half and pops some in her mouth)

Me: Half a stick?

Kate: (chomping her gum) Uh huh. Yep. Half. You’re a good sharer, Mom.

__________

I was listening to Christmas music with the girls. Feliz Navidad comes on.

Me: Girls, do you know what Feliz Navidad means?

Emma: Happy Christmas!

Me: Merry Christmas.

Emma: No mom. Feliz means happy.

__________

Every morning since Halloween. Kate will look out a window in our room.

Kate: Hey! It’s not snowing yet!

__________

Me: Ok, girls. What do you want for breakfast?

Emma: Cereal.

Me: Ok. Kate?

Kate: (opens fridge and pulls out a huge bag of spinach) I want leaves. (Gets herself a bowl and dumps spinach in it. Eats the whole bowl.)

__________

Kate runs in our bedroom one morning.

Kate: Look what time it is outside! Morning time! YAY! Sun!

__________

I walked into the kitchen to see Kate hanging upside down on our island.

Kate: Oo Oo Ah Ah!

Me: Hey, get down from there!

Kate: I just being a monkey.

__________

Kate ran into the bathroom. I followed her asking if she needed help.

Kate: Get out please. I about to get naked.

__________

I caught our lab, Bailey, trying to eat stuff off the table. She was up on her hind legs with her front legs actually on the table, holding herself up.

Me: Bailey! NO!

Kate: Whoa! Bailey like a big kid now!

__________

I was walking with Kate to pick up Emma from school. Kate starts taking off her coat.

Me: No, keep your coat on. It’s cold.

Kate: I want to be cold.

__________

I was laying with Kate, trying to get her to fall asleep.

Me: Ok. you need to go to sleep now.

Kate: Ok. Just a second.

__________

Me: Girls! Guess who’s coming over for Thanksgiving!

Emma: JJ! And Gabby!

Me: Yeah! YAY! And Aunt Jenna and that little baby girl in her tummy.

Kate: But I can’t see the little baby girl in her tummy.

__________

Kate: Mom, I really sick.

Me: I know, baby. You got a bad cough, huh.

Kate: Ice cream makes me feel better.

Me: Ha! No.

Kate: Dangit.

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