Oh Emma, Oh Kate.

I was browsing the Halloween decorations at Target with Kate.

Kate: Haaaa! Skeleton naked!

————

I had to bring in something to Scott’s work. We decided to eat lunch at Brio on the Plaza. Kate was with us.

We gave her bread and butter to eat while we waited for our food.

Kate: I want more cheese.
Me: It’s butter. Here. (Scott and I continue to talk)
Kate: More butter.
Scott: Here.
Me: Wait, I just gave her some.

(We both look at Kate and she pops the square of butter in her mouth and swallows.)

Scott: No! Kate you can’t eat butter like that!
Kate: More butter.
Scott: Use your bread to eat it. (Gives her more)
Kate: (yells) DON’T LOOK AT ME! (Pops butter in her mouth)

————

Emma: So an explanation point means you’re yelling, right?
Me: Yes.
Emma: Ugh! That hurts my ears when I read it!

————

I was dropping off Kate at preschool. The teachers come out to get the kids out of the car. Kate’s teacher opens the door.

Kate: Hi! You like my new boots?
Teacher: Yes! How pretty! They’re pink!
Kate: I gotta poop really bad.

———–

I was in the kitchen. Kate ran to the bathroom.

Kate: Mom! Hey mom! You smell my poop, mom?! Haaaaaa

———–

Kate was watching cartoons one morning in living room.

Kate: I gotta pee really bad.
Me: Ok, go ahead.
Kate: Will you carry me to bathroom? I too cold to get up. Burrrrrrr!!!

————-

I was taking a shower. Kate ran in and started watching me.

Me: Kate! Go play with Emma, let me take a shower by myself, please.
Kate: Ok. I leave you alone. NAKED! Haaaaaa

————

Me: Scott, you need to tell Kate to pick up her clothes and put them in her dirty clothes basket before you give her a bath.
Scott: Ok! Girls! When you take a bath, before you get in, you need to put your clothes in your dirty clothes basket.
Kate: Where’s that?

————

Kate watching commercials.

Kate: I want that! Princess play-doh!
Me: Ok, you need to ask Santa before Christmas. And be a good girl.
Kate: No, I don’t want to ask Santa. I don’t want to sit on his lap. Lets just get it at the store. PRETEND Santa got it.

———-

I was on the couch reading a book. Kate jumped up behind me and climbed above me.

Me: Oh! Hi Kate! How did you get up there?
Kate: I just flied.

————

Kate: My teacher chew gum at school. If she swallows it, she get diarrhea.

———–

I was on computer. Kate in bathroom.

Kate: Mom! What happens when kids eat poop?
Me: WHAT?! (I run in there) Are you eating poop?
Kate: (still sitting on toilet) Moooom! Ha! I just asking.

————-

Emma: Mom. It keeps getting darker quick.
Me: I know. Pretty soon, it will be dark like right after you get out of school.
Emma: Wait, what.

————–

I was talking to Kate about something.

Kate: Hold on, mom. Lemme get this booger. (Picks her nose)
Me: Here, I’ll get you a Kleenex.
Kate: Got it! (Puts it in her mouth)
Me: Wait. Did you just eat that?
Kate: I eat my boogers. Haaa!

————-

I was singing one of Eric Church’s songs because it was stuck in my head.

Me: Drink a little drink…..smoke a little smoke….
Kate: Mom! How you know that song? You’re not supposed to know that song!
Me: Uh….neither are you?
Kate: Ha!! Mom. Stop.

————–

Kate: I want to call Gabby! (5 mos old cousin)
Me: We can’t. She’s at school right now.
Kate: What?! With the babies?

————–

I was doing my weekly football picks for a football pot my family does.

Me: Oh Kate…hmmmmm… Dallas or Chicago?
Kate: Dallas.
Me: Well, that IS where Uncle Mark and Aunt Ashley live…..
Kate: No, I don’t like Dallas.
Me: Why?
Kate: Dallas too far away.

————-

Girls were taking a bath.

Emma: (screaming) Mom!!! Kate is eating bubbles!
Me: You are tattling. I don’t want to hear it.
Emma: But mom! If she eats the whole bottle, she will go to heaven!

————-

Kate brought me a jug of apple juice and an empty cup for me to pour it in. She rests it on the very edge of coffee table, hanging over side. One tap and they would have fallen off.

Kate: Look! Cup and apple juice on edge and being very careful.

————-

I was making a store list. Kate was watching me write.

Kate: Good job, mommy! You made an “o”!

————-

Kate was taking off her PJs

Me: Here, let me help you with your buttons.
Kate: No. I got it. I just rip it! Like this!

————-

At my cousin’s wedding. My cousin was dancing with her dad for father/daughter dance.

Emma: Ugh!!! I just want to go out there and DANCE!!!!

4 thoughts on “Oh Emma, Oh Kate.

  1. dusterbed says:

    OHMYGOSH this is freaking hilarious! I’m going to share this with a few of my mom-friends! I don’t have kids myself, but I was peeing myself reading this post!

    Like

Ok, now it's your turn - write me back.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s