Sometimes I feel like I have to apologize to the public for my outfits. I have a warped sense of style when I get dressed in the mornings…or afternoons. This week, one of my outfits consisted of: ankle length capri jeans with side zippers at ankle. A tank top with opened sweater layered on top. An oversized belt. Oh, and flip flops.
I was trying to be hip. You know, pulled together like I just easily woke up and whipped up the outfit in a carefree way.
I really have no clue what I’m doing.
I walk out of the closet and see Scott staring at me from grooming himself in the mirror.
Scott: What you wearing?
Me: Well, it’s hard to pick something when we have such big temperature changes in the day. Does this sweater look ok with capris?
Scott: No. Take that off right now.
Me: Oh, well maybe just a tank top? I have to go to the grocery store and I’ll be freezing. I should just take the sweater just in case.
Scott: It’s the pants. You look like a mom.
Me: I am a mom!
Scott: No, like mom mom. Like mom jeans.
Me: Are capris not in style? Why didn’t you tell me when I bought these then? These were really expensive!
Scott: It’s your legs. You’re too tall or something. They look like high water jeans that are too short. Put on leggings, at least. Change your shoes. Might as well cut your hair short.
Me: Ok, I’ll try leggings…(I walk back out with leggings and boots) Ahh! Scott this is just very uncomfortable. There’s like camel toe action going on.
Scott: No one stares at your crotch. Keep the sweater closed.
Me: I’m uncomfortable. One wind gust and I can hear people think “Whoa! Camel toe! Whoo-hoo!”
Scott: Fine, wear what you want.
(I change back to my capris. And flip flops.)
I wore that outfit all day. Ok, I’m lying. I changed right before I picked up Emma from school. I freaked. My capris felt like they were neon green at that point. I hate it when Scott puts an image in my head, knowing he is probably right.
This is not the first time I got a fashion lecture from Scott.
I wrote this a couple years ago:
Today, I had to go to a baby shower and decided to put on a dressier-than-what-I-normally-wear shirt. I browsed my selection of winter shoes. I stared at my Doc Martins from high school. They are still in good shape and broken in, comfortable. I put my hand on them and try to think if I’ve seen anyone wear Doc Martins lately…I start to draw a blank. So I text my go-to person (youngest sister Jenna, who is almost 22).
Me: So are the kids these days wearing Doc Martins still?
Jenna: BAAAHAHAHAHA!!! NO!!
Me: I’m going to a baby shower and about to put them on. Ok thanks.
I later tell Scott this and he just stares at me. Looks at my feet– I ended up wearing what I refer to as “hooker boots”, tall leather boots with a heel and pointed toe. I just got those as a Christmas present from my other sister two years ago. I hope those are still in style at least.
Scott (very seriously): Please, get rid of the Doc Martins. Why do you still have those? The last person to wear those was in 1998.
Oops. Good bye Doc Martins…you will have the fate of sitting on a shelf at Goodwill.
I will never hear the end of the Doc Martin story. Now it’s the ankle-length capri jeans with side zippers – yeah, that are sorta high-waterish. But high-waters are in style now, are they not?
It just hit me today as I did my laundry … what the heck was I wearing???? MOM JEANS?????
Sorry, world. Scott tried to save me from the public display of mom jeans but I didn’t listen. I’m just not hip. I get fashion advice from my husband.