Repost: Dinner conversation

I’m sick with a cold. I don’t feel like writing anything. But I’m trying to be consistent and write something on my blog every Monday.

Who gets sick in July? Me! I suspect I caught it from Kate since she had a cold a few days ago. I’m guessing she caught a germ or two from other kids at the gym. Who knows.

On the subject of germs, I am reposting a blog post from a couple years ago. Scott and I still argue over this subject privately … just not at big company dinners.

Scott and I went to his office Christmas party last weekend on the Plaza.

We started the biggest office argument during dinner.  We had everyone divided.  Couples were getting mad at each other.  People were getting up and leaving early. Co-workers were flat out disgusted with other co-workers. Leave it to Scott and I to bring up inappropriate dinner conversation.

It all started by telling a few of Scott’s co-workers at our table about our trip to Austin, Texas. More specifically, how the plane rides went with the girls.

Scott:  Get this.  I take Emma to the bathroom at the airport in Dallas and I start to lay a base down for her on the toilet seat.  And Emma says “Daddy, what are you doing?”  JULIE has NEVER put a base down for her!

Me:  I don’t put a base down for myself either.  It doesn’t bother me.

Scott: That is so sick.  I put at least 3 bases.  You probably have diseases all over your butt.  How do you just sit on that filth?

Me:  Because it’s just my butt cheeks.  I wash my hands and Emma’s hands when we’re done and that’s good enough for me.  And I do flush with my foot instead of my hands.  I’m more concerned about my hands than my butt.

This conversation continues on for the rest of the evening.  People at our table start picking sides.  People were yelling at other tables, “Hey, do you put a base down??!!”  I am so glad that we had a private room because I’m sure this would have been carried on to tables of people we didn’t know.  The room was divided in half.  We touched every aspect.  What about port-a-pottys?  What about at home?  What about at someone else’s home?  What about at work?  In school?  Can germs come through the toilet paper you lay down? What about that thin paper base?  And do you cover ALL parts of the seat?  What if your butt cheek touches a part of the seat that you missed covering? Do you freak out? How many times do you clean your toilet at home compared to a public restroom?  What if you’re in a hurry?  What if you’re drunk? What about touching your partner’s butt after they went to the bathroom with no base? What about your kids? Do you put a layer down for them when they’re yelling they have to GO NOW? Who squats? Anyone squat, here? You must have incredible hamstrings!

We all have a side. Even men must sit down for the big no. 2. I have to say I was a little shocked at who was on “my” side and who was on “Scott’s”.  Even that in and of itself is a little shocking, between Scott and I.  I am generally the clean one and he is the slob.  But not with public restrooms, apparently.

Me? I think it’s a little ridiculous to spend that much time laying layers down. I think the last time I did that was in elementary school. I don’t have STDs. I have never gotten any kind of weird rash on my butt. I have never had a urinary tract infection. If there’s pee on the seat, I move to another toilet. I have never even heard of anyone getting anything from sitting on a toilet seat.  I’m pretty sure my personal toilet seats are dirtier than any public restrooms. I clean my own toilets like once a month and only if they need it. I’ll slap my butt cheeks right on any public toilet seat. If I gotta go, I gotta go.

Squat. HA!

If that is your thing to layer away, go right ahead. I won’t try to change your mind. It’s your business.

Now, washing my hands … that I will do. Feel free to shake my hand after I walk out of a bathroom. Just don’t touch my butt cheeks.

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