Raising the tatas

This post is intended for women to read. The title is true – it is about the tatas. So men…keep reading if you want. But it’s just some womanhood gossip: wearing the right size bra. You wouldn’t understand. There will be no pictures.

I found myself with a few days/nights kid-free and husband-free. This is a rarity. Maybe a once a year event. I am NEVER alone. The thought sounds nice when I think about being alone for a few days…whatever shall I do?!?! Anything I want!!

But in reality, I don’t know what to do with myself when I wake up alone. Well, when I wake up alone at noon.

Besides sleep, I don’t have the first clue as to what I like to do. What are my hobbies? What do I do all day with the kids that I truly enjoy? Is cleaning a hobby? Grocery shopping with no kids? That’s relaxing. Watch Mad Men on Netflix all day? I cannot be that lazy. Lay out at the pool? No, I get bored when not constantly watching my two kids like a hawk. Go to the gym? Yeah, I do like that. Cook? Hate it. WHO AM I?! What the heck did I do before marriage and kids?? What do those single-no-kids people do? Don’t they get bored on the weekends? Surely, I can find something.

Thinking back to my early 20s… the mall. I knew what was in style by shopping at the mall with the masses of teens and 20-somethings. I actually kept up with the trends back then. I can’t even remember the last time I went to the mall. So off I went. I bought a few cute outfits. I know they’re in style because I eavesdropped on the groups of girls shopping. I also sent pictures of myself in the dressing room to my youngest sister for her approval. I feel confident that my closet is up-to-date. Gotta stay hip.

Then I decided I needed a good strapless bra. The only strapless I have is from high school. I’ve kept this thing for over ten years – through two pregnancies and 2 years of breastfeeding. The girls are not what they used to be. The high school bra is just uncomfortable. I frequently reach down my shirt, pull my bra up then do a double handful check on the outside of my shirt. I avoid strapless shirts whenever possible. I even avoided a strapless wedding gown; I went for the halter style just so I would feel confident when dancing with my arms up. I secretly cringe at strapless bridesmaids dresses (I would never tell the bride that, of course. I do have a good alterations lady).

I have heard that Nordstroms lingerie department has exceptional service. I have never been sized for a bra so this sounded like the place to do it. I knew I would be paying for the service in the price of the bra, but I figured it would be worth it – and oh, was it. I walked right past Victoria’s Secret and into the swanky Nordstroms.

The lingerie department was busy but I was immediately helped. I was put into a dressing room and the employee asked me what I was looking for. She brought back her measuring tape and a sizing bra. She asked me if I was modest, if so, I could face the wall. Ha! I told her that my modesty went out the window after nursing two children. Or a few cocktails.

I found out I was way off on my size, which didn’t surprise me. Wrong number and wrong cup. When she told me my real size, I laughed. The first thing that came out of my mouth was: do you mind if I text that to my husband? He will be so proud.

I tried 3 or 4 different brands of bras. The employee critiqued each one and explained how a bra should fit. The boob shouldn’t be popping up the top. The middle of the bra should be flat against the chest for appropriate separation. And the wire cup should start under the armpit to support the side boob. My old bra did none of this. My old bra was 3 cup sizes too small and too large around. I picked one bra out to purchase. She told me to go ahead and wear it out; she would wait for me at the register while I got dressed. I already felt like a new woman. I could walk around and completely forget about the status of my falling bra. My tank top I wore in looked amazing. I looked perfectly perky. I felt like my boobs were wrapped in concrete and I freaking loved it. Those girls weren’t going anywhere. No top jiggling. No wires in the side boob. No armpit fat. It was all molded seamlessly in two perfect humps. I want to wear this strapless with all my shirts, sleeveless or not.

When I walked to the register, I noticed I could stand straight with my shoulders back. The bra wouldn’t budge. I considered doing a cartwheel. The employee told me I look like a new woman. I told her I have changed my view about strapless dresses and shirts. This bra was worth every penny. I’d even pay double. I want bras for Christmas.

I could not have picked a better “me” activity with no husband and no kids. Every woman needs this. For me, it was life changing. I can finally wear a cute tank top without being uncomfortable or showing my bra straps. I get how a woman’s confidence level goes up when they get breast alteration surgery. Altering your breasts can make you feel more like a woman. Clothes fit better. You can walk with more confidence. You can forget they need tending to.

I still don’t know what my hobbies are and I still can’t answer the question to, “who am I?” But I did find one heck of a good investment. Ladies, you will not be disappointed what a good bra will do to a woman. Or man…are you still reading, men?

2 thoughts on “Raising the tatas

  1. 1) Us no kids, in their 20’s people like to read, cook/bake, drink (no it doesn’t have to be 5 pm), watch movies, sleep, pin, crochet, spoil their nieces, etc.
    2) gimme some of that boobage. I could use a life changing moment in that department.


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