Meet Casey. He is a farmer from western Kansas. I’m not talking about Old McFarmer smoking his cigarette on a porch swing. I’m talking about a hot, fit, tan, 20-something. If a woman were to fantasize about a sweaty, hard working farmer driving a tractor on a field, Casey would fit the description. He should really book a photoshoot or something. Scott and I met him at K-State.
Casey came to visit us for the weekend. We invited him to join us at the Tyler Farr/Pat Green concert (it was a kickin’ concert, by the way. And I can’t get Tyler Farr’s “Hot Mess” song out of my head). Casey makes us old, married-with-kids, 30 year olds feel like we’re cool again. Casey is one of my favorite people to be around because he is hilarious. He says the funniest things yet I get the feeling he doesn’t even know how funny he really is. His humor mostly stems from him growing up in the country. Any time he is near a large city, the country boy really shines through.
Last year we went to the Florida Keys with him. We were driving to KC’s airport early in the morning.
Casey: So is there like a real ghetto in Kansas City?
Me: Yeah. There’s some rough parts.
Casey: Can we drive through it? Is it scary? Would we get shot?
Scott: I wouldn’t drive there at night.
Me: Casey, it’s not a tourist attraction!
We get to Florida. Casey was taking in the Florida scenery while waiting for our rental car.
Casey: I think I’m gunna shimmy myself up a coconut tree and get me a coconut.
(he later did. At 4 am in front of our hotel. His stomach and arms got cut up badly. He earned the nickname “Casey, the coconut tree climbing cowboy” from our Florida friends.)
I wish I would have written down the funny stuff he said while we were in Florida. This weekend, I did. And here it is:
I’m not gay…I don’t know what it is…I just like my towels folded neatly. And I know that candle right there is a nice one.
Julie, you look way better now than you did in college. I wasn’t going to say anything… Scott, I’m not hitting on your wife.
I’m out riding my horse…and I look down and whoa! Hello! Nature just rubs me the right way.
I’m still in my schmooze stage right now with these beers. Not to the crazy stage yet.
Wait. Burger King has breakfast! Damn! I need to get out of the country!
I am so. excited. I got me some Mr. Pibb! They don’t have Mr. Pibb where I live!
Kate is going to be smokin’ hot when she’s older. I can just tell.
I’ve been watching Hangover and I’m scared shitless for Vegas. I’ve never been before.
At a packed Chipotle: I won’t see this many people in a month. Serious.
I can’t wait for Country Stampede (country concert in Manhattan, Kansas). I’m going to be running around drunk and naked.
Scott: Casey, what do you want to eat?
Something healthy. I’m on a healthy kick right now. Or a cheeseburger. Yeah, fast food cheeseburger.
Everyone thinks this scar looks like I broke my arm or something. I was really running from a bull on my farm.
Wow! We’re deep in the city now, huh. A parking garage!
Scott: The older I get, the faster time flies.
Yeah, sometimes I just sit to slow down once in awhile and try to be bored. And I’m like oh God, this sucks.
That drunk girl over there said I’m hot. And I was like nooo. You’re not gettin’ this.
I like your basement. But that little playroom you made the girls under the stairs… man, give it 10 years. Sex room.
Man, these Kansas City girls love my cowboy hat. It’s like a big deal here. It’s like bringing a puppy to a bar.
Gosh, I love Kansas City. I could live here. Like here, in those condos.
Scott: Casey, that is the complete opposite of where you live now. Country to urban?
Yeah, I could live here. Look at all the girls that live here! So many choices!
Oh, you need some floss? I got some in my pocket. It’s been used though.