Oh Emma, Oh Kate.

Scott, Emma and I were in the car, driving to Oklahoma to be present for the birth of our niece, Gabby.

Me: Emma, do you remember how you hold a new baby? Remember what I told you about her head?

Emma: Yes. Don’t hold the baby by her head.

_________

After Emma met Gabby.

Emma: Gabby is really cute. Wasn’t that nice of me to say?

________

Emma was holding Gabby at hospital.

Emma: Gabby, your hair is really soft. Mine is kinda soft but not like yours. Actually, MY hair is really crazy in the mornings. It’s not really soft. It just feels crazy. It gets softer after mommy brushes it. But not like yours.

________

Emma: Mommy, Gabby is a really good hand holder. She squeezes tight.

________

Me: Kate, you want to meet baby Gabby? She’s coming to our house! JJ and Coocoo’s baby!

Kate: Coocoo got a baby?

Me: Yeah! Baby Gabby!

Kate: Coocoo not sad anymore.

Me: Huh? Coocoo’s not sad? Why is he not sad?

Kate: Cuz he has baby Coocoo now.

________

We were outside in our backyard.

Kate: Daddy, what’s that noise?

Me: It’s the sprinkler.

Kate: I was talking to daddy. Daddy, what’s that noise?

________

Kate and I were stuck at a train crossing.

Kate: Ugh! Come on choo choo! ….. Your turn, mommy. Tell choo choo to come on.

________

I was at the store with Kate. I was in the fruit section. There were two other ladies around me, picking through fruit. Clearly, someone crapped their pants because the smell turned awful.

Kate: Ughhhhhhh!!!! Someting ‘tinks!!!!! Ughhhhh!! Who tooted?! Mommy, you toot?

Me: Shhhh…no.

Kate: SHE TOOT? OR HER? RIGHT ‘DEEERE. (squints one eye and points at one of the ladies)

I walk off with Kate.

________

In check out line, same visit at grocery store.

Kate: (to me) You tooted. You tooted. You tooted. You tooted.

Me: Stop it.

Kate: You tooted. You tooted. You tooted.

_________

Me: Emma, hurry up. Buckle your seatbelt.

Emma: I’m slow, mom. Like dad. Like slower than a tricycle.

_________

I was reading a book to Emma about rockets.

Emma: Are there rockets in Olathe?

Me: No. They’re in Texas or Florida.

Emma: Why are they there?

Me: Well, I think because a long time ago, when rockets landed, they needed to be near an ocean to land. They don’t land in oceans anymore but the rockets still take off from there. Texas and Florida are by the oceans.

Emma: Ohhhhh! So like when the astronauts got tired of floating around in space, they just really want to go swimming after. That’s fun.

________

Kate was in the bathroom. I was making breakfast.

Kate: Mommy!! I need your help! Oh! Mommy! Mommy! I got corn in my poop! Haaaaa!! Corn came out of my butt!! Corn poop! Mommy! Look!

________

I was playing Temple Run on the iPad. Kate was next to me, watching. I died. I started again then die.

Kate: Damnit.

Me: Ah! What did you say?

Kate: I say damnit. Like you say damnit. When you die. Like dat.

(Shit.)

________

I was walking downstairs. Something gets thrown at my head and lands on the floor. It’s a plastic chicken.

Kate: (from up above) Haaaa!! Flying chicken.

_______

On Kate’s birthday. The girls were playing on the iPad.

Emma: Kate. You should know how to do this game, you’re 3 years old now.

_______

We were at the Royals game. I was helping Kate use restroom.

Kate: Close your eyes.

Me: Ok. (I crack open an eye) You done peeing?

Kate: No, I still peeing. And she tooted. Over ‘dere. Those shoes. (points to shoes in next stall)

_______

Kate gives me nail polish and asks me to paint her nails.

Me: Let’s get another color from my nail polish. This nail polish is cheap and comes off easily.

Kate: I want cheap!

_______

The girls were looking at pictures of them when they were babies.

Kate: Awwww!! Wook at me! You cut my hair off?

Emma: Kate! (rolls her eyes) Oh, look at this one Kate! (A picture of Kate crawling with a just a diaper on)

Kate: You cut my hair off and took my dress off?

_______

Emma: Mom, can I have some chocolate milk?

Me: Yep (pour her milk and start squeezing chocolate syrup in it.)

Emma: I want more chocolate syrup, please!

Me: No, that’s enough.

Emma: Then can you squeeze the chocolate syrup straight into my mouth? Like daddy does to me? (Tilts her head back like a bird)

Me: What?!

Emma: Oh, I don’t think I was supposed to tell you that.

________

In morning. Kate was laying in bed with me.

Me: Hey, you wanna scratch my back?

Kate: Ok!

Me: Yessssss. (I turn around. I don’t feel anything.) Ok, scratch!

Kate: I just looking at picture on your shirt.

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