A sisterly-pick-me-up.

My brother-in-law came in town this weekend to hunt with Scott. The day before he left for Kansas City, I receive an email from him. He was very stressed and needed to vent. It happens. Sometimes I need to write out all my life’s problems to make me feel better too. Luckily, he has a sister-in-law who does her best writing while catching up on emails in the morning.

 

To: <Family>
From: Mark
Subject: Venting

 

So, it’s 8:30 pm. I have what will likely be several hours of work to get done on a project that should’ve been out the door hours ago if not for somebody else’s error.  My fish tank has overflowed due to a power outage – Ashley cleaned up the salt water on the floor but getting the tank set back in proper working order is about as easy to explain over the phone as instructing a student how to land a plane from the control tower. According to the appraisal, my house is worth 20% less than it was yesterday. Oh, and our house feels like it’s 106 degrees because our AC is trying to catch up after the power failure today. Oh, and I haven’t yet bought a hunting license for tomorrow (was going to do that online at work today, but that went out the window) and haven’t thought about packing.

Hugs and Kisses,

Mark

 

To: <Family>
From: Julie
Subject: Re: Venting
Sister-in-law to the rescue! At the very least, I can try to give you a good laugh.

 

1. Like I’ve always said, has Mark ever failed? Has the kid ever done anything less than A++ work? No. Never. I know this must be annoying to hear because you must put an extreme amount of work into your job to deserve A++ work. But as a first-born underachiever, I have seen it happen my whole life: the 2nd born’s problems will always work out in their favor every time. My laziness applauds your overachieving efforts. I can’t wait for Kate to start spitting Microsoft Excel formulas to me in 3 different languages. I will stare at her in a dumbfounded silence. Then I will turn to her dad and tell him she got her smarts from me – when we both know we graduated college with the same mediocre grade point average. Let’s not kid ourselves though, Scott and I did excel and graduate from the Aggieville bars with honors.

 

2. If you got your house appraised, does that mean it sold? Congrats if it did! If not, well…there has to be something good from a house appraising low, something to do with lower taxes?….if I remember correctly from  selling our old house. I could be wrong. Let it be known that I let Scott figure out the business side of real estate while I quietly slipped away to take the girls to the pool instead. I would gladly spend hours at the pool sucking in my stomach around strangers while chasing two small children and getting blasted in the face with water guns from punk kids than sit through real estate lessons. Underachieve, what what! But I hope my memory is right and you benefit in some way.

 

3. The tank may have overflowed but Jayme, the clownfish, is still alive, right? Horray! The mother effin’ badass of the Mark Sea will never go down! Your wife is pretty amazing as well. No lazy Dallas housewife there! Pook, you KNOW I would be calling your booty home for YOU to pick up your mess of a hobby. I might have thrown a towel on top.

 

4. Don’t worry about the hunting license. You don’t need to hunt, you know. Some family members would like to hang with you in a situation that doesn’t include tick bites and poison ivy scratching. But if you run out of time and are left without a license, I won’t call the rangers to come in. If they happen to catch you I would so laugh my ass off. Then blog about it, completely blaming Pook in some way.

 

Either way, I’ll have a whiskey and coke ready at our bar with your name on it. If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s making a good stiff drink at the end of the day. I did graduate with Aggieville honors, you know.

 

J

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