Oh Emma, Oh Kate


Emma: Look mommy! That sign says s-t-o-p. It says stop. And I didn’t look at the shape either.


Sometime last week we got a dusting of snow. We were driving.

Emma: Whoa! Look at that funny truck with a shovel!

Me: It’s a snow removal truck. He can put that shovel down and when he drives, it moves snow out of the way. You will probably see a salt truck too. That truck will sprinkle salt on ground to keep the snow and rain from turning into ice.

Emma: Well, that is really nice of them to do that for us! Lets wave thank you, Kate. Thank you!


Scott is out of town. Before he left, he was talking to Emma.

Scott: Do you want me to bring you back something from Colorado?

Emma: Yeah!

Scott: What about a new piggy bank?

Emma: What about diamonds?


Plumber was downstairs working on finishing our basement.

Kate runs into kitchen, no underwear or pants on.

Me: Ahhhh!! (quiet tone) Put some underwear on!!

Kate: Look at my butt! Haaaa!

Me: No! Upstairs! Underwear!

Kate: Look what I put in my butt! Haaa!!

(she turns around and there is a little black fuzzy ball in her butt cheeks. I thought it was poop.)

Me: Kate!!! Upstairs!! Lets clean you upstairs. Go, go…

Kate: I get it. I get it. (starts digging in her butt. Literally digging. I gag. She gets it out.) Haaaa!! Here, juwee. (throws it at me. It was one of Emma’s craft furry balls)

I hope the plumber has horrible hearing. OMG. This child.


This am. Kate jumps in our bed. She sees Scott is back from out of town. Climbs over to him.

Scott: Hi kitty!

Kate: Pewww!! Your breath ‘tinks!

Scott: No, it doesn’t.

Kate: Yeah, it ‘tinks. Pewww!!

Scott: It’s your breath.

Kate: You’re crazy.


I took girls down for breakfast at hotel in St. Louis.

Emma: Hotels are fun. You like don’t have to pay for breakfast.


On train going back home to KC. Train employee comes down the aisle.

Employee: 35 minutes until Kansas City!

Kate: (shouting) Ten minutes! Ten hours!


Eating breakfast with girls in kitchen.

Kate: Mommy, you a tiger.

Me: I know. You’re a kitty.

Emma: and I’m the monkey! Hey Kate, what’s Belle?

Kate: uhhhh…chicken! Belle is a chicken.

Emma: the meat or the animal?


I was playing a game on Emma’s iPad. She asked me to pass a level for her.

Me: oh, dangit! I died.

Emma: Come on, mom. I thought you were a gamer.


I showed Kate a pic of her aunt Jessica’s tummy.

Me: There’s a baby in there! It’s your baby girl cousin!

Kate: I wanna go play in there too.


This am. Girls were fighting.

Me: Kate! Stop being a bully!

Kate: I not boy! I just a kid! Daddy a boy!

Emma: No, a BULLY!

Kate: Kid.


I squirted some bubbles in the girls bath. It was almost out so it made a farting noise.

Emma: Dang. Wish I could fart like that.


Kate pooping on toilet.

Kate: I pooped a big one!

Me: (walk in to help her wipe)

Kate: NO! GET OUT! Shut the door! I gotta make a baby one!!


Me: (yelling from downstairs) Kate!!

Kate: (Her voice from upstairs) No, I baby kitty! You tiger!

Me: Oh. Baby kitty!

Kate: Yes, tiger?


Im laying here with Kate. She puts my hand on her butt. So I start tapping it…trying to get her to fall asleep.

She starts a long chain of stinky farts.

Me: Ah!!! (pull my hand away quickly)

Kate: Haaaaaa! I tooted in your hand!!! Let me see your hand.

Me: (laughing) No!

Kate: (farts a tiny fart)


Walking out of the gym.

Kate: Birds!

Me: No, they’re ducks.

Emma: No, mom. They’re geese. See the arrow? (V pattern)

Today at Jason’s Deli. Sitting in the booth. Eating dinner. We hear a beeping, almost like a microwave going off. We were near the “kitchen” part.
Emma: FIRE!!!! RUN!!
(Every one turns and stares at her)
Me: Emma! It’s from the kitchen! It sounds like a microwave or something. Sit down, it’s ok.
Emma: It’s warning us to get out! GET OUT!
Me: No, it’s telling them the food is done. A real fire alarm is a lot louder than that.
Emma: Oh. (sits down)
I was letting Kate put some lotion on herself. It’s in a big canister, so you scoop it out with your fingers.
Me: Ok, Kate. Just a little bit on your finger. Don’t get a lot.
Emma: Yeah Kate, it’s not like cookie dough.
I took a shower. When I got out I found the girls sitting on my bed eating cheese-its.
Me: HEY! Don’t eat those on my bed! No crumbs in my bed!
Emma: It’s ok. We’re on daddy’s side. He doesn’t care.
I was driving home and went through downtown Olathe.
Emma: Where are we at?
Me: Downtown Olathe. This is actually the old part of Olathe.
Emma: Why is it old?
Me: It’s just been here a long, long time.
Emma: Why isn’t it in black and white?
I was at the post office with Kate. There was a line. Kate was kinda running back and forth, smiling at every one and saying hi. Let’s just say she had everyone’s attention.
She puts her arms up, wanting to be held. I pick her up.
She picks her nose.
Me: (whispering) Kate, no.
Me: Oh my gosh. Wait till I get you a kleenex in the car.
Kate: GOT IT! EWWWW! (drops it on floor)
Me: Ok, stop.
Me: Oh my gosh. (I wipe her hands on my shirt)
(I see the man in front of us with his head down and shaking, like trying to stop a laugh)
(guy in front looses it and bust out laughing with his back to us.) omg.

4 thoughts on “Oh Emma, Oh Kate

  1. I found your blog after the story about Emma, but I think I will be sticking around. Your girls are so funny! I have an almost 2 year old who comes out with some great ones too. Thanks for sharing!!


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