Oh Emma. Oh Kate.

 

I was watching “Once Upon a Time” with Emma (Sunday nights on ABC, so good.)
Me: Oh, look! Snow White’s daughter is named Emma! I must be Snow White. And I don’t like hunting like her too!
Emma: Mom. Stop acting.
______
I was singing a Christmas song with the TV “sounds of the season” channel. Then I kinda taper off b/c I didn’t know the words and I started humming lightly.
Emma: You’re scared to sing in front of me and Kate!
Me: No, I’m not! I just don’t know the words!!
Emma: You know all the words to Christmas songs! You’re scared! I’m not scared to sing in front of people!
Me: Ahhh!! I’m not scared!! I really don’t know the lines on this verse.
Emma: Be brave, mom. Be brave like me in acting class.
_______
Emma was making a list yesterday about what everyone is thankful for.

Emma: Kate, what are you thankful for?
Kate: Ummmm…uhhhh…pee out my butt.
______
Emma was banging the bar chair against the island.
Me: Emma! Stop doing that! Once something is broke, your dad takes forever to fix it.
Emma: Mom. We can fix it if it gets broke. Just cover it up with nailpolish.
_______

At movie theatre with Jon and Ashley. Beginning of movie shows Cinderellas Castle.

Emma: This screen is like a giant ipad.

——

I was cleaning off my sink and watching Kate take a shower in our shower. I see her spread her legs and she looks down.

Me: Kate, are you peeing?
Kate: Yeah. I peeing. Come ‘ere Juwee, you try.

______

In the car.

Kate: Mommy, I gotta pee.
Me: Can you hold it?
Kate: Yeah. I hold it….. I got something in my butt.
Me: Ew, poop?
Kate: No, not poop. It’s a chip. Chip in my butt.
Emma: She pulled out a Cheese-it mom!
Kate: Mmmm..it’s yummy!
Emma: Kate! Don’t eat something from your butt!
Kate: Chip in my butt. I got it. It’s yummy! Chip gone. It’s gone now.
Emma: Mom, Kate’s eating chips out of her butt!
______
Looking for Buddy, our “Elf on a Shelf”
Emma: I found buddy! Look!
Kate: Yeah!! Elf!
Me: Hi Buddy! Nice to see you!
Kate: Mommy hides elf. Haaaaaa!
Emma: No, she didn’t Kate.
Kate: Yeah. Mommy hides him.
Emma: No! Kate! He goes to the north pole every night! Then comes back and hides.
Kate: Emma hides elf. Haaaaa!
Emma: No I didn’t Kate. (rolls her eyes)
_______

Emma and Kate were coming downstairs. They were chatting about something.

Emma: Come on, Kate. Duh!! T-H-E!!

——-

Kate had to poop. She likes privacy so I came in when she called me in to help. There was crap all over the toilet seat and running down her leg.

Me: Aw, Kitty! Let me clean you up. (so bad, I had to get the baby wipes to clean her. I finish her up and then start cleaning toliet seat)
Kate: Pardon me.
Me: Did you just say pardon me?
Kate: Pardon me. It stinks in here. Mommy clean. I leave.

_____

I walk in from running an errand.

Me: Emma, where’s your dad?
Emma: Downstairs making a real basement.

——

I was watching Twilight with Emma this afternoon.

Emma: Who’s he?
Me: Edward. He’s a vampire. Bella is just figuring it out.
Emma: Why’s he a vampire?
Me: That’s just who he is.
Emma: oh. He eats blood?
Me: yep. But his family only eats animal blood not human.
Emma: oh. how do they get the blood?
Me: bite then suck it out.
Emma: oh. Why is he sparkly?
Me: It’s just what his skin does in sunlight since he’s a vampire.
Emma: oh. Why are they both wearing blue shirts?

______

Laying here with Kate. I can see her picking her nose.

Me: Kate, stop picking your nose. Do you need a kleenex?
Kate: No. I get it with finger.
Me: Gross, Kate. (I get toilet paper and lay next to her.)
Kate: (puts her hand on my cheek, I feel a slime ball roll under her finger and stick to my cheek) I got it, mommy.

______

We were sitting at Emma’s “Repunzel” performance. There was a guy sitting in front of Nana and Kate. He had a long braided ponytail.

Kate: Look. He got a pony. HAAA!

______

I was getting dressed. I put on a black and white striped shirt.
Kate: oh! Mommy! You gunna be a pirate today?

——

I was brushing Emma’s hair.
Me: Oh emma, I wish I had your curly hair.
Emma: Why?
Me: It’s just really pretty. Lots of girls wish they had super curly hair.
Emma: Ohhhhhh! So THAT’S why Kate pulls my hair. She just wants my curly hair!

———-

I was walking across living room, looking for Kate. I hear a “ROAR!” from behind the couch.
Me: Kate?
Kate: You try, mommy!———-

I’m playing dolls with Kate. I have Lumiere (from beauty and the beast) and Kate has Cinderella.

Lumiere: Well hello, Cinderella! Do you know that I know Belle?
Cinderella: Yeahhh. I know Belle too.
Lumiere: I have been inside Belle’s castle! It’s an enchanted castle!
Cinderella: No, that’s not Belle’s castle! It’s Kate’s castle!

_______

Took Kate out to lunch today and ran some errands. I was at BBB and this old lady was in our way.

Me: Excuse us.
Lady: Oh, sorry.
Kate: Who’s dat?
Me: I dunno.
Kate: Is she your friend, juwee?

———–
Walking out of BBB.

Me: Ahhh…it’s so nice out, Kate!
Kate: Let me try. (mimicking my voice) Ahhhh…it’s so nice out, Juwee!

______

Girls were upstairs while I was on computer. Emma comes down and starts chit chatting with me. Kate comes down, with no pants or underwear on. Sits on my lap and looks to see what I’m doing. She wanted me to play some old videos of her and Emma. So we’re sitting there watching videos for about ten minutes.

Emma: oh. Mom. I forgot to tell you when I came down here. Kate still has poop on her butt.
Me: WHAT? (flip over Kate and sure enough, poop. My pants have poop on them.) Emma! Did you wipe her butt?
Emma: Yeah, I tried. But I couldn’t get all of it. It wouldn’t come off.
Me: Ahhhh! You need to let me help her!! Everyone to bathroom, now. Wash your hands.

 

One thought on “Oh Emma. Oh Kate.

  1. Hahah these are too funny! I can definitely relate to your terrible two’s post as well. We’ve got one she-devil at home as well! And it must be a second child thing, becuase with our first same thing, very mild mannered well be haved 2 year old had us thinking people over exaggerated the terrible twos. Turns out nope they sure didn’t when it came to Hadley!

    Like

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