Oh Emma. Oh Kate.

Emma got stung by a wasp. The next day, she was asking me about it.

Emma: So, how does a wasp sting me?
Me: It has a stinger as a tail.
Emma: So…its butt is a stinger?
Me: I guess so.
Emma: So do you mean that it pooped on me?
Me: It’s not poop. It’s the wasp’s defense to sting. A defense means he is trying to protect himself before you try to hurt him.
Emma: Well. That’s a rude defense. Stinger from your butt.

——–

Emma: I wish I was dreaming because this car ride is taking forever.

——–

Scott: Emma! When do you want to go back to Disney World?
Emma: hmm…about 12 days.

———

I was going pee and Emma busts in on me.

Emma: I have to potty.
Me: Ok. I’m done.
(Emma reaches to flush the toilet)
Me: No, just go. Just pee on mine and then flush.
Emma: ha! Like mix your own ice cream?

———-

Me: Kate, you have to go potty before swimming?
Kate: No, I potty in pool.

———

Kate was watching Tangled on iPad. I walk in the room and smell poop.

Me: Did you poop?
Kate: (looks up, no expression on her face) ‘Punzel did it. ‘Punzel pooped. (looks back down)

______

Emma and Kate were fighting over a toy.

Me: Ok. Emma. Let Kate play for 5 minutes then you will play with it.
Emma: Ugh!! Count to zero. Go.

______

Kate: I want some milk.
Me: Oh Kit, we are out of milk.
Kate: I want coffee.

______

Kate and I were walking home from dropping off Em at school. I got a whiff of manure or something.

Me: Ohhhh..dang, that stinks.
Kate: It’s daddy’s poop.

______

Kate was using play binoculars and looking at me in living room. I was drinking my coffee.

Me: hellloooo!! Do you see me, Kate!!
Kate: I see my coffee.

________

Leaving our “old” house for last time.

Me: Emma, say bye to the old house!
Emma: But there’s nothing wrong with it.

_______

Kate: Knock knock
Emma: who’s there?
Kate: Claire.
Emma: Claire who?
Kate: Claire did it.

_______

Kate pooped in potty and I was wiping her butt.

Me: oh kate! It’s a clean break! Yay!
Kate: Claire break it.

—–

Scott: Emma, are you so excited to live in a magical princess forest?
Emma: Dad. We live in Olathe.

_____

Kate: I want play outside.

Me: Ok. (Get her shoes on, Kate runs to door.)

Kate: I go outside. I pee in grass.
_______
Me: Emma, did you have fun in P.E. today?
Emma: Yeah.
Me: What is your favorite part about P.E.?
Emma: Getting a drink from the water fountain.
________
I was having trouble lifting something. I asked Scott to lift it.
Scott lifts it easily.
Kate: Good girl, daddy!
________
I walk in my bathroom. Kate was taking a poop.
Kate: Mommy! Get out!
Me: Oh. ok. (walk out)
Kate: Good girl, Mommy!
_______
Me: Emma lets decorate our dining room really scary so kids can look in our front window when they trick or treat.
Emma: Yeah!
Me: Let’s make spider webs on the chandelier.
Emma: And…Oooo!! We can put a coffin right by the window. And have a dead person pretending! He can be dead in the window! That would be scary to kids! And we can shine a light on him so they can see him in the dark.
________
I was getting out my fall decorations (along with my halloween ones).
Me: Here, we’ll put all the halloween decorations in the dining room and the rest of the fall stuff goes up in the house.
Emma: Don’t wipe the dust off, mom! It will be scarier if they are dusty.
_______
Emma went to her first acting class a few weekends ago. Scott took her while I watched Kate at home.
Kate: Where did Boo boo go?
Me: Acting class.
Kate: I want go acting class.
Me: You’re dramatic enough.
Kate: (screams in my face.)
_________
Kate: Where’s da sun?
Me: I dunno. Behind the trees or behind a cloud.
_____

Me: Emma, look where Aunt JJ is right now! (show Brazil on map).
She is like so far away, it’s spring there!
Emma: Why is it spring in Brazil?
Me: Because she’s close to the bottom of earth.
Emma: Like in the dirt, or something?

______

I was driving down my parent’s driveway. Kate unbuckles her seatbelt.
Emma: Mom, Kate undid her seatbelt again.
Me: KATE!! Put it on now!! (I help her) I might hit a deer on the way home, you need to wear your seatbelt!
Emma: Then I’m gunna go get the meat off the deer.
______
Me: Emma, why do want to shoot animals? Do you know that you are killing them?
Emma: Mom.
Me: What.
Emma: Do you want me to shoot a dog?
Me: No.
Emma: Do you want me to shoot a cat?
Me: No.
Emma: Well. I’m not going to shoot a those. I’m going to shoot a deer.
Me: Emmaaa!
Emma: Mom. They…they’re just like…like…nature or something. I got to shoot them. To get the meat.

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