Oh Emma.

I was giving the girls a bath.  As I was getting Kate dressed on the floor, Emma jumped out of the tub and sat on the toilet.

Emma: Mommy, my poop is coming out like a beanstalk.  Mmmm…plop…Mmm…plop. plop. plop.
Scott put Emma in bed. She wouldn’t lay down. Scott told her she would be on the naughty list.
Emma: No. I’m not on that list. You are on the naughty list and you are getting a stocking full of rocks.
Scott: who told you about rocks?
Emma: mommy.

I come in her room after Scott to tuck her in.

Me: did you tell daddy that he will get a stocking full of rocks?
Emma: yeah! (laughing)
Me: you are going to be on the naughty list with daddy.  And you know who else is on that list? Aunt JJ!
Emma: (mouth opens, in shock) no!
Me: yeah! It’s true. Look! (I show her my scar on the top of my lip) Aunt JJ did that when we were little! She was on the naughty list that year. Ask Nina. And she’s still on the naughty list bc it never went
away. On my face forever.
Emma: well….lemme see that again. Oh, it disappeared! Mommy, I don’t see it. It’s gone! JJ is not on the naughty list.
Me: oh, she’s still on the list with you and daddy.
Emma: ugh. Mommy. Just…just don’t worry about who is on the naughty list. Don’t worry about it. Maybe you are on the list for worrying about it.

(ahhhh! Backfired….)


Emma: mommy, what color are my eyes?
Me: brown.
Emma: wrong. Brown and white.


Scott got out the new lemonade I bought.
Scott: Emma, do you want lemonade to drink with your dinner?
Emma: Nah, I’ll just wait till summer.
At the store: I go down the hispanic/asian aisle and I get some shellroni and alphabets.

Emma: Does Aunt Ashley get shellroni?
Me: Hmm…Probably not.
Emma: Why not?
Me: Well, she probably doesn’t make Mexican food like I do.
Emma: Is Ashley not Mexican?
Me: Wellll…no. Probably not.  I don’t think Ashley even knows if she is.
Emma: Well.  She looks peach to me.
Scott’s Grandma Sue called tonight while I was putting Kate down.  I called her back and gave the phone to Emma while it was ringing.
Me: Here, it’s Grandma Sue. Say hi.
Emma: Is she Mexican?
Emma: Mommy, how do reindeer fly?

Me: Magic.
Emma: No. Wrong.
Me: Well, they don’t have wings…so it must be magic!
Emma: No. Wrong.  The answer is Santa drives them in his carriage!
Me: (laughing) It’s not a carriage, it’s called a sleigh.
Emma: Welll…I like carriage.
Nina: Emma, do you want the rest of your ice cream?
Emma: Not yet.  I’m thirsty and I’m waiting for it to melt.
Emma pooped earlier today.  Scott and I were in the living room.  Emma walks out with no pants on, bends over to show us her butt.
Emma: Look! Clean break!
Thanks, Scott.
Emma and I called Nina.  I put her on speaker phone.
Emma: Hi Nina!
Nina: Hi Emma, hey, let me talk to your mom.
Emma: Well, that was short.
I’m watching a DVRed show and Emma keeps interrupting, asking me
something.  I push pause.

Me: ok Emma. What? You have my attention. Spit it out.
Emma: (opens her mouth wide) But I don’t have anything in my mouth.


Emma is blabbering about some princess story she made up to scott and me.
Emma: …and then Emma went to the castle and ate a cupcake in the
kitchen. The cupcake said Emma. So Emma thought she must live
Scott: (to me) is she talking in 3rd person?
Emma: (stops her story) noooo, daddy! I’m talking about the Emma in Tulsa! Not me, the Emma in Kansas city!

Apparently Emma knows what “talking in the 3rd person” means. Thanks, Elmo.

In the car tonight, looking at house xmas lights in our neighborhood.

Me: Oh, look! It’s a full moon tonight!
Emma: What do you think he ate?
Me: (laughing)
Emma: Probably the sun.
Still looking at neighborhood Christmas lights.
Kate: Dada! ights (lights)!!!
Me: Yeah! Pretty ones!!!
Emma: Let’s look for the dead ones, like our house.
Emma told Scott to do something.

Scott: You sound just like your mother.
Emma: And you look just like your father.
I put Emma to bed last night. She said she wanted Scott to tell her
good night. I leave and send Scott in. Our little dog, Belle was on her bed.
Emma: how do you know belle is a girl or a boy?
Scott: uhhh. Well if she was a boy she would have a penis.
Emma: what is a penis?

Scott just leaves her room.

Scott has been working out at his gym every evening after Kate goes down for a nap. Tonight, after Scott left.

Emma: Does daddy sleep at the gym?
Today, we had a playdate with my friend, Danielle and her boys.  We went to Oak Park mall for lunch and have the kids run around on their indoor kids play area.  There were candy machines next to where the parents sit.  Emma saw the candy and asked if she could have some.  I told her I didn’t have any quarters in my purse.  And she started whining.  I looked again….
Me: Sorry, boo. All I have are nickels and pennies.  I know I have some in my car though…
Emma: Let’s start over.
Me: Huh?
Emma: Let’s start the playdate over and go to your car, then pizza then here but this time you will have quarters.
We went over to the Disney Store later.  Emma picks up random things and looks them over.
Emma: This is wayyy too expensive.  Ugh, I’m not paying that. What? 3-9-9-9!
Danielle: Does she understand what expensive means?
Me: Uh…no. She just repeats what I say at stores.
Pook and I bottled our beer a few days ago.  We syphoned the beer from the carboy into a bottling bucket.
Emma: (takes a sniff) Mmmmm…smells like hops!
(Oh dearrrrrr….)
Emma was watching cartoons.  At 5:00, I asked her if I could change the channel to watch the weather.

Emma: But moooom…look outside! It’s snowing!
Me: I know. I want to know how much.
Emma: Like a lot.

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