The walk of shame.

We went to Manhattan this past weekend to watch the first KSU football game of the season.
I love going back to Manhattan for games.  Getting a chance to spend all hours of the night in Aggieville is a bonus.

I love my college friends.  I am completely at home around these people.  I can really let loose and have fun.  They’ve seen me at my best.  They’ve seen me at my worst.  Nothing is too crazy for them.  The highly entertaining stories I will tell my grandchildren will involve these people.  I don’t need to worry about impressing anyone when around them.  I’m not a mom, or a wife or even a 28 year-old to them.  They know me as Julie.  The same happy Julie in Aggieville taking whiskey shots in one hand and pictures in the other.  A few pictures of some of my favorite people ever.

So…the next day.  My single most embarrassing moment ever at a KSU tailgate.
I got hit hard with beer shits.

I find an open port-a-potty (which was a good 10 minute, butt clenching, walk from the tailgate).
The guy walking out tells me I have to hold the chain shut b/c the lock doesn’t work.  Great.

I’m doing my business.  Then I realize I can’t stop.  This is the motherload.  I start sweating pretty fast b/c of the lack of ventilation. I am holding on to this rusty chain to keep the door shut with one hand.  People are knocking and trying to open the door.  It opens about 2-3 inches before I can slam it back screaming NO.  I’m trying not to bust into laughter just thinking what I look like.  This goes on for about 20 minutes.  I am so close to just kicking the door open, letting them see it all and scream at them to find another one.

Instead, I start texting Scott with my other hand.

Me: Worlds largest shit.
Scott: OMG
Me: Im dying.
Lorle: Take a picture!
Scott: Hurry up, food is ready.
Me: People knocking.  Theres a line.
Me: Im sweating.  Help me.
Scott: OMG
Me: On my way.

I open the door.  Sure enough.  Longest. line. ever.  I mouth “sorry” to everyone while somehow avoiding eye contact.  I feel sorry for the poor soul that went in there after me.  It’s the biggest walk of shame I have ever done.  Geez.

I run back to the tailgate.  All I see is head shaking from Scott and I hear laughter.

Scott: Here’s your brat.
Dan: Geez, don’t feed her more.
Scott: 20 minutes? Really?
Me: I know. I know.  I’m Mexican.

Needless to say, when I come home from the Little Apple, I always have sore abs.  It’s always from laughing so hard.  It’s non-stop, tears-running-down-your-face-laughter with our group.  I’m pretty sure it’s from laughing….could be from bowel movements.  Nah, probably laughing.

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