Bug Bytes

Hello you beautiful summer weather, you.

It’s been a long winter. The sweatshirts and jeans are gone. I don’t want to see them until October when my face is buried in a pumpkin spice candle.

The tank tops are hanging front and center in my closet. My strapless bras are sitting in my drawers like perfect little mountain tops. This will be my second summer wearing tank tops without bra straps. To kick off summer weather, I give you a re-post from last year: Raising the Tatas.

This post is intended for women to read. The title is true – it is about the tatas. So men, keep reading if you want but it’s just some womanhood gossip: wearing the right size bra. You wouldn’t understand. There will be no pictures.

I found myself with a few days/nights kid-free and husband-free. This is a rarity. Maybe a once a year event. I am NEVER alone. The thought sounds nice when I think about being alone for a few days. Whatever shall I do?!?! Anything I want!! Weeeeee!

But in reality, I don’t know what to do with myself when I wake up alone. Well, when I wake up alone at noon.

Besides sleep, I don’t have the first clue as to what I like to do. What are my hobbies? What do I do all day with the kids that I truly enjoy? Grocery shopping with no kids? That’s relaxing. Watch Mad Men on Netflix all day? I cannot be that lazy. Lay out at the pool? No, I get bored when not constantly watching my two kids like a hawk. Go to the gym? Yeah, I do like that. Cook? Hate it. WHO AM I?! What the heck did I do before marriage and kids?? What do those single-no-kids people do? Don’t they get bored on the weekends? Surely, I can find something.

Thinking back to my early 20s – the mall.

I decided I needed a good strapless bra. The only strapless I have is from high school. And it’s uncomfortable. I’ve kept this thing for over ten years – through two pregnancies and 2 years of breastfeeding. In public, I have no problem just reaching down my shirt, pulling my bra up then doing a double handful check on the outside of my shirt. I avoid strapless shirts whenever possible. I even avoided a strapless wedding gown – I went for the halter style just so I would feel confident when dancing with my arms up. I secretly cringe at strapless bridesmaids dresses (I would never tell the bride that, of course. I do have a good alterations lady). I have no problem showing my bra straps when wearing a tank top.

I have heard that Nordstroms lingerie department has exceptional service. I have never been sized for a bra so this sounded like the place to do it. I knew I would be paying for the service in the price of the bra, but I figured it would be worth it – and oh, was it. I walked right past Victoria’s Secret and into the swanky Nordstroms.

The lingerie department was busy but I was immediately helped. An employee asked me what I was looking for. I told her strapless bras. She put me in a dressing room and told me to wait. She brought back her measuring tape and a sizing bra. She asked me if I was modest, if so, I could face the wall. Ha! Modest. I told her that my modesty went out the window after nursing two children. Or a few cocktails.

My shirt and bra came flying off and the employee got to work. She told me my real size. I laughed. The only thing I could say was, “do you mind if I text that to my husband real quick? He will be so proud.” She politely waited for me to text him.

I tried 3 or 4 different brands of bras. The employee critiqued each one and explained how a bra should fit. The boob shouldn’t be popping out of the top. But it shouldn’t have space at the top either. The middle of the bra should be flat against the chest for appropriate separation. The wire cup should start under the armpit to support the side boob.

My old bra did none of this. My old bra was 3 cup sizes too small and too large around.

I picked one bra to purchase. She told me to go ahead and wear it out; she would wait for me at the register while I got dressed. I already felt like a new woman. I could walk around and completely forget about the status of my falling bra. The tank top I wore in looked amazing. I looked perfectly perky. I felt like my boobs were tightly custom wrapped and I freaking loved it. I did a little dance with my arms up in front of the mirror. I jumped. They were like rocks. No top jiggling. No wires in the side boob. No armpit fat. It was all molded seamlessly in two perfect humps.

When I walked to the register, I noticed I could stand straight with my shoulders back. The bra wouldn’t budge. I considered doing a cartwheel. The employee told me I looked like a new woman. I told her I have changed my view about strapless dresses and shirts. This bra was worth every penny. I’d even pay double. I want bras for Christmas.

I could not have picked a better “me” activity with no husband and no kids. Every woman needs this. My whole wardrobe looked different now. I can finally wear a cute tank top without being uncomfortable or showing my bra straps. I understand why a woman’s confidence level goes up when they get breast alteration surgery. Altering your breasts, even without surgery, can make you feel more like a woman. Clothes fit better. You can walk with more confidence. You can forget they need tending to.

I still don’t know what my hobbies are and I still can’t answer the question to “who am I?” But I did find one heck of a good investment. Ladies, you will not be disappointed what a good bra will do to a woman.

Or a man. Are you still reading, men? I told you there would be no pictures.

Tags: boobs, bra-fitting, bras, breastfeeding, breasts, nordstroms, strapless bras, tatas, womanhood, women